The Topeka School

by Ben Lerner

Then the chewing gum thing happened. I bet you won’t put this in your novel. One night Dad and I are watching a movie. It’s many hours after your bedtime and as far as we know you’ve been sleeping soundly. And then you appear in the doorway, naked, totally calm, and I’m like, “What is it, Adam?” And you say, matter-of-factly, like we’re just chatting, “Oh, I was going to the potty and chewing gum and the gum fell out.” You’d recently been allowed to keep a pack of gum yourself with the understanding that you’d ask us before chewing any of it; you loved gum. Dad had kind of drifted off, wasn’t really watching the movie, and said, without opening his eyes, “Well, did you clean it up?” And you didn’t answer. And I sensed that something was wrong and I switched on the reading light beside the bed and said, “Come here.” When you were next to me I saw that you had carefully wrapped your penis and scrotum in chewing gum. I mean, you must have chewed it, flattened it out, worked deliberately to enclose yourself. Nothing was exposed. “Oh my God,” I said, touching the gum, which had hardened. “What is it?” Dad said, totally awake now, concerned, rolling over. A pause. Then we both started cracking up, we couldn’t help ourselves. And you laughed since we were laughing; you were relieved you weren’t in trouble. “How did this happen?” I asked, picking you up and depositing you on the bed between us. And you had your rehearsed line: “The gum fell out of my mouth and got stuck on my body...