Landon & Shay: Part One (L&S Duet, #1)

by Brittainy C. Cherry

I never meant to be a monster, but sometimes I wondered if certain people were born that way, born with a darkness that oozed into their bloodstreams and infected their souls.

I didn’t know why so much darkness sat heavily in my chest. I didn’t know why I was so angry. I just knew that I was.

In her mind, she couldn’t use me to forget her scars if my wounds weren’t freshly opened.

The worst thing a broken person could do was hook up with another broken person. Ten times out of ten, it turned into a disaster.

Hating her felt like a high I’d always been chasing, and as each year passed, I got more and more high off Shay’s dismissal of me.

Greyson’s persona at school was the saintly good student. I was the damn devil, but it turned out, a woman could love the angels in the sunlight and still want to sin at night.

She was a vibrant light. She was the spark that lit up the sky. A fucking star.

That night as I sat on his bed with my arms wrapped around him, I saw his heart, his gentle, pained heart, and it bled just like everyone else’s did.

“You’re more than your body, and only the ones who notice that are allowed to have you in that way,”

My poor, nervous butterfly. If only she would spread her wings a bit, she’d remember she could fly.

I wanted to drown. I wanted to drown so bad tonight. In vodka. In whiskey. In tequila. In tears.

“Don’t call me sunshine,” she said. Then, stop being so damn bright.

She was too busy making her dreams come true. I didn’t want her to come home to my nightmares.

I’d learned early on that there aren’t any real villains in life, just heroes who have been beaten down for so long they’ve forgotten they have the ability to be good.

I wanted to know his story. His ugly, hard novel. I wanted to read his words, even though they seemed to bleed across the page in the most painful way.

I thought it was the most romantic thing in the whole world—a tree filled with lovers. I wished someday to carve my name into the tree, too, with my future love.

In fairytales, the beauty fell in love with the beast. In reality, the beast destroyed beauty.

I slumped down in my chair, and now my mind was doing that thing again. Thinking. I hated when that happened.

When someone saw your pain and didn’t look away, it felt like a gift, like they were allowing you to be exactly who you were without shame or judgments.

She was sassy that afternoon. I wouldn’t have ever told her, but her sassiness was kind of sexy.

“I hate you!” she shouted. “I hate you more.” “I hate you the most!” I’d never known hatred could be such a turn-on.

What was supposed to have been a bet about falling in love quickly shifted into the realm of Landon and me falling deeper into our hate.

“There’s power in looking at things from all angles. That’s what the masters do,” he’d say.

Feeling any kind of pain meant I was still alive. That had to count for something.

Sometimes, sitting in silence with someone who is willing to stay with you helps a heart heal more than talking about one’s hurts.

Funny how you could be a different character in different people’s storybooks.

I followed her steps too, like a needy dog, and Ham—the actual needy dog—followed right behind me.

I knew her heartbeats were under the same roof as mine, beating the same rhythms as mine. I knew I wasn’t alone, and for the first time in a while, I was able to sleep.

Love was a sickness. I didn’t understand why people craved it. It always left me feeling empty inside.

“It’s still there, Landon,” Maria swore. “Your heart—I still hear it beating. You’re good. You’re okay. You’re all right.” That broke me even more.

That made three. Three smiles from Landon all in the span of five minutes. Three smiles. Three breathtakingly beautiful smiles.

“Yeah right. You don’t act.” “My whole life is an act, sweet pea.”

“You’re meant to be Juliet.” She shivered from my heat and took a deep breath. “But you’re not my Romeo. You’ll never be my Romeo.”

“Oh, Landon…” Raine shook her head. “Nobody’s pages are clean. Everyone has ink that stains. I know for a fact Shay has her own struggles, too.”

“You have a loving kind of heart. You could love monsters if they could be loved.”

“If he breaks my heart, I hope the cracks tell a good story.” Eleanor was half asleep as she responded, muttering so low, “If he breaks your heart, I’ll break his spine.”

I wondered what the storm inside her head looked like. I wondered if her thunder rumbled as loud as mine, if her lightning struck her soul repeatedly, if she drowned in her own thoughts.

I saw her cracks, and they were so beautiful that it almost made my frozen heart beat again. I’d never known sadness could be so hauntingly beautiful.

I was fighting to avoid being swallowed alive by my own mind, and it was an exhausting task to face.

It wasn’t even on purpose, but when a person you love is broken, you see the cracks every time they are around you, and you just wish you had the tools to fix those breaks.

“Shay,” I whispered, my voice cracking as I watched her fall apart. “Shay, listen to me. Crossing out letters on some tree isn’t going to change who your parents are.”

I wanted to hold her again, soothe her, and let her know her emotions were what made her real.

“Always,” I replied. I think I meant that, too. I think I meant always.

I loved when she said my name. Not Satan. Not asshole. But Landon. I loved when those two syllables rolled off her tongue. It made me feel seen. I didn’t know the last time someone had been able to see me so clearly.

“There’s your kiss, Romeo,” she said, opening her door and climbing out. “Thank you, Juliet,” I said breathlessly.

My hands fell onto my chest, and I felt my heart rapidly beating against my rib cage. She did that to me. She made my heart turn back on. Her kiss gave me life.

Lead with your heart, but take your brain with you.”

I wanted to be close to him, because I liked how he sped up my heartbeats. I wanted to be near him, because I liked how he grimaced. I liked how he smiled even more.

“I think that’s an unfair playing field.” “Why do you say that?” “Because my truths aren’t really something worth loving.”

“No. You’ll stay here. It’s what’s right. You need to be here at home.” “This isn’t a home without you. You are my home,” I whispered as the tears began falling down my cheeks.