Lightbearer

by L.C. Davis

She’s fit because she works out, I’m fit because my habits haven’t caught up with me yet. Compared to her, I usually look like someone who snuck into the family reunion for the free tacos.

Like I said, it’s complicated.” “Bullshit. Physics is complicated, making flan is complicated, those dreams I used to have about furries are complicated, but there’s nothing complicated about some asshole scaring the shit out of you,”

I must’ve been a bit too obvious in my attempt to look over my shoulder and figure out if I was at least being arrested by a hot succubus, because she cold clocked me and next thing I knew, I was bound up in a strange bed with chains from my shoulders to my ankles. Given the fact that I had a semi-regular dream that started this way, I wasn’t as terrified as I probably should’ve been.

I don’t need additional schooling to do the horizontal tango. Fucking a demon can’t be that different.” I certainly had a few exes who could’ve used an exorcism.

“You are by far one of the most mentally taxing creatures I have come across

this was just a cosmic acid trip.

“You’re in here so I can keep an eye on you,” he answered, even though both of his eyes were shut. “What, like I’m a threat to the good citizens of Hell?”

“Anything else? She tell you about my crush on Steve Buscemi? The time I got a fear boner in the phlebotomist’s office?” Apollyon rolled his eyes. “This isn’t…” He squinted. “Steve Buscemi?” “He’s an unconventional beauty. If he was a vampire, everyone would think he was hot.” “I don’t even know how to respond to that.” “That’s because it’s the truth.” I hesitated.

“Where would he find a hellhound?” Apollyon demanded. At least he sounded more indignant than terrified, like the demons who’d fled the palace. “He didn’t. He made one,” Shera said matter-of-factly, folding her arms. “I tried to get rid of it, but he named it Janis.”

She was cuddly for a hellhound. Then again, I’d never met another, so maybe it was just a trait of the breed.

he may talk a big game, but deep down, he’s still a man,” said Maiz. “As opposed to what, a bunch of possums in a trenchcoat?”

wasn’t going to let him get comfortable. Shoving his tongue up my ass was one thing, but emotional vulnerability was something I didn’t do,

“What are you, a frat boy?” “Aw, you think I went to college.” I tapped his nose. “That’s cute.”

I shrugged, because I’ve never learned how not to be an asshole.

“There’s a place even angels fear to tread,” Apollyon says wryly. “Massachusetts?” I blurt out. Now he and Sirena are both giving me withering stares.

“I’ll go get some hot water and towels,” Sirena says, looking haunted. “What the hell is that supposed to do?” “I don’t know! It’s just what they say in movies.”