Lightbearer

by L.C. Davis

“Like I said. It’s a love story, and you know how all good love stories start.” The blank look on his face tells me he doesn’t have a damn clue. Guess the boys down south have all the fun. “With a meet cute,” I add. “Love--or in this case, hate--at first sight?”

Giving Deadpool 💀

the building was poorly insulated, so sometimes I’d get a secondary high from my downstairs neighbors. Money can’t buy that.

Hello?

I ruined Christmas, too, according to our mother. I’ve always had a hard time keeping my mouth shut about “sensitive political topics” like who I fuck and whether people like me should have the right to exist.

Yikes

When she finally answered, relief and brotherly love overflowed within me and I blurted out, “Holy fuck, you look like shit.”

Why is that so annoyingly accurate 😭🤣

“You look like you got into a fight over the clearance DVDs on Black Friday and lost.”

Oddly specific, but go off

old-school emojis, like back in the day when we all used AIM and had our own personal Geocities pages.

That’s a bit too millennial for me cause idk what ANY of that means…

“What are you, my mother?” He raised an eyebrow. “If I was your mother, I wouldn’t give a shit.” “Touché. Ouch, but touché.”

😀😭

It was never good when people went out of their way to use your name. Maybe that was why the sound of my own name had always made my chest feel tight and cold.

Investigating Sirena’s cult. If you find this, I’m probably dead or sucking demon cock. Either way, don’t bother looking for me. P.S. I bequeath to you my evil cat. Don’t ever give him catnip or you’ll figure out why his name is Cheese. P.P.S. This isn’t a suicide note, but if anyone asks, tell them it was bears.

This cannot possibly be your note 😭

I see you looking at me. All judgy, like you’ve never summoned the Dark One under the new moon out of desperation.

Girl I’m really not. Actually, I’m sat

“You’re pathetic, but you have a certain charm.”

Ah, what every man strives for

“I’m just not sure you understand what you’re agreeing to.” “I’d be your bitch,” I said with a shrug. “I’ve had worse gigs.”

🤣🤣🤣

Apparently, Hell was a hotbed of horny supermodels. Shoulda figured.

“Thank God.” Seemed like a risky thing to say in a place like this, but I’d never had a handle on my mouth.

“For the time being, we’re under siege, which means no one gets in or out.” “Like a slumber party?” His eyes narrowed. “No, not like a slumber party. Like a siege. What is wrong with you?”

Average intelligence, relatively standard neural makeup, manic-depression aside.” “Excuse me?”

Idk why you’re surprised. You can’t be funny and not be at least a little depressed…

“Unless you wanna blow me, I’m not interested in your idea of making me feel better, so hard pass.” “Alright.” I looked over my shoulder. “What?” “If that’s what you want.”

OOP!

It was hard to tell if she was pleased, or if her expectations were simply so low that anything less than disastrous was progress. Story of my life, grades K-through-ten.

“It means that whoever bonded your soul, I find it far more likely that you were discarded than lost.” I winced. “You know, if I weren’t a card-carrying feminist, I’d be real damn tempted to call you the B-word right now.” Shera raised an eyebrow. “Bitch?” “Worse,” I said, putting a hand over my heart. “Bad friend.”

Bro I’m fucking weak 😭

the look on her face was a strange combination of sympathy and nervousness. I knew it well enough, because I’d seen it on Sirena’s face plenty of times. “God, please don’t embarrass me. But I know you can’t help it.”

he’ll be extremely eager to meet you.” “Really?” “No!” he snapped. “He wants to wear your corpse like a well-tailored suit, you fool. What do you think is going to happen?”

Well you didn’t have to yell 😔

Apollyon sighed, putting a hand on her shoulder. I felt a twinge of jealousy, but for the life of me, I couldn’t figure out which one of the two it was over.

Tea

“You know, he may talk a big game, but deep down, he’s still a man,” said Maiz. “As opposed to what, a bunch of possums in a trenchcoat?”

💀

“Because you can’t be owned by an angel and a demon?” “Because I don’t like to share,” he answered without missing a beat.

Yeah that was hot

I usually just used body wash.

You didn’t use shampoo????

The oil smelled like cinnamon, and between it and the shampoo, I’d never been so fragrant in my life.

So you never used lotion or shampoo in your life?… I’m trying hard not to judge… but I’m judging

“You want to be mine?” he pressed, his gaze sweeping over me. “In every way?” God, yeah, I thought. I shrugged, because I’ve never learned how not to be an asshole.

“What are you listening for?” “If I told you the answer, you wouldn’t sleep and that would be quite counterproductive.”

Well now I’m not gonna sleep just because you said that

“There are two heartbeats, Levi.” “What?” Now that I had an answer, I wasn’t sure what the hell I was supposed to do with it. “What does that mean?” “I don’t know.” Three of the most unsettling words you can hear coming out of a doctor’s mouth, and I had plenty of experience. “It shouldn’t be possible.”

Well he’s a fucking creator of life and he believes him and his demon were having a baby so… poof, a baby. I’m not gagging

“There’s only one spirit,” Apollyon said, turning to face them. “What happened to the rest?” Maiz cried. “He’s perfectly healthy, there’s no sign of miscarriage…” “The energy is all there,” Apollyon said,

All that energy in one spirit? Yeah… sounds like yall made the Antichrist 💀

“You expect me to believe that you’ve actually formed any kind of meaningful connection with Apollyon beyond Stockholm Syndrome?” he scoffs.

Stockholm Syndrome has actually been disproven in recent years

“Do you have to put that thing on the surface where I eat?” Sirena looks up at me, her face blank with confusion. “It’s not sitting in the palm of Apollyon’s hand.” “You go fuck yourself. That was great, but you go fuck yourself all the same.”

😭

There’s no fine print, but then again, I’m selling my soul outright. I reach out hesitantly and take the pen he gives me, but the nib is dry. “You must sign in blood,” he explains. “Oh. Of course I must,” I mutter.

Explain to me again why you’re just going along with this so easily?