Regretting You

by Colleen Hoover

realize as I look down at him that I’ve never felt like I belonged with another person more than I belong with Jonah Sullivan.

I don’t know how to answer that, because looking back on it, I don’t know how my mother even got out of bed after finding something like 314this out. For the first time since the wreck, I feel this ache for her—for what she went through. What she’s still going through. “I have no idea how she’s still functioning.”

“You’re great now, Clara. Damn near perfect.” “Near?” “I’d say a nine out of ten.” “What’s the reason for the one-point deduction?” He sighs. “It’s that pineapple on pizza, unfortunately.”

It seems so insignificant, but it’s not. My mother was put through the most maddening, painful, tragic event of her life. Yet, as always, she 317put me first. Before her anger, her grief, the betrayal. She did everything she could to shield me from the truth, even if that meant unfairly taking the blame.

Since the day I was born, every decision she’s ever made for herself was made in order to benefit me. I’ve always known that about her. But I’m not sure I appreciated it until tonight.

She’s the real victim in all of this, and it makes me sad to know that the two people she’s leaned on for most of her life are the same two people who weren’t there to catch her when she fell. Hell, they’re the ones who made her fall in the first place.

I can’t imagine all the invisible bruises she’s covered in right now, and I hate that some of them are there because of me.

The betrayal in her eyes saddens me. I don’t want her to go through life with this memory of Chris.

Teenagers think their parents should have it all figured out, but the truth is, adults don’t really know how to navigate life any better than teenagers do. Your father made some big mistakes, but the things he did wrong in his life shouldn’t discredit all the things he did right. Same goes for your Aunt Jenny.”

it’s just that in that moment, I only cared about the way it felt to be looked at like that. The attraction I had for Jonah in that moment left me with blinders on. And I think he felt the same way.”

Attraction isn’t something that only happens once, with one person. It’s part of what drives humans. Our attraction to each other, to art, to food, to entertainment. Attraction is fun. So when you decide to commit to someone, you aren’t saying, ‘I promise I’ll never be attracted to anyone else.’ You’re saying, ‘I promise to commit to you, despite my potential future attraction to other people.’”

“Relationships are hard for that very reason. Your body and your heart don’t stop finding the beauty and the attraction in other people simply because you’ve made a commitment to one person. If you ever find yourself in a situation where you’re drawn to someone else, it’s up to you to remove yourself from that situation before it becomes too hard to fight.”

Our relationship isn’t always going to be sunshine and roses, but whenever there’s a break in the storm, I need to take advantage of those breaks. No matter what mood I’m in or what’s going on in my own life, I need to bask in these moments of sunshine with Clara.

He winces, like it hurts him to walk away from me without a kiss, since he’s had to do that so many times before.

“I’d give it all back if it meant they didn’t have to die. 333As happy as I am to be with you, I never wanted it to happen this way. I hope you know that.”

It’s his turn to understand how it feels to know that he’s always been someone’s first choice.

But you’re the first and only person in this world I’ve ever loved without some reasoning or justification behind it. I just love you because I can’t help it, and it feels good to love you.

Maybe I don’t have just one passion. Maybe I have several, and I’ve just never made myself and my wants a priority.

I know that I loved the best versions of Jenny and Chris.

I’m content with the direction in which my life is headed, and I know if I obsess over the past, that obsession will only serve to anchor me in a place I am more than ready to move on from.

“I think you just fell in love.”

They were married for fifty-two years before she died. Hearing the stories of the two of them helps reaffirm my belief in love.

Not that he wouldn’t have been happy living a life with Aunt Jenny and Elijah. But my mother makes him light up in a way I’ve never seen before.

Every time she’s near him, he looks at her like she’s the greatest thing he’s ever seen.

I catch Miller looking at me like th...

“They’re air rights, you dumbass!”

Ok Burlesque starring Cher and Christina Aguilera

“The University of Texas? Your school color will be orange, Miller.”

I bought the perfect dress for our special occasion. It’s the most atrocious shade of orange I could find.