I Was Never Broken

by Sara Sheehan

The process of loving someone with a broken heart that they didn’t break, shouldn’t be their job to fix, but I still burdened them.

I’m scared to fall in love again because I’m afraid to be broken.

What once was something real ended up being something fake, which helped me understand someone else is out there. If getting my heart broken countless times brings me closer to the one I’m meant to be with, it will be worth it.

Not sure I agree with this.

There’s nothing worse than wanting someone you can’t have. I couldn’t imagine having to let go of someone I loved.

because you give me every reason. I don’t have it in me, to do people how they do me. I’m still trying to understand, If it’s my biggest strength or my biggest weakness.

I invested in finding love. I loved the idea of it. I would always say how I felt and it was either a relief or a regret. I let people hurt me countless times, the things I went through to feel love. The memories I wished would disappear, the time I wasted.

People who have hurt know how it feels to love someone no matter how they treat you; I always wondered why it was allowed. We’ve all been hurt by someone. We all hit a point where we couldn’t keep the toxic cycle. We’ve all been with someone terrible, someone not for us, no matter how bad we wanted them to be.

The best part of being with that terrible person is how amazing it feels when someone good comes along and makes you feel the love you’ve always craved. To

think you were in love until they show you the meaning of love.

I was once almost broken and I healed myself in time. I’ve been told I’m too “emotional” or too “soft.” I’m both, but I don’t care if I lose in the situation, as long as I don’t lose myself in the situation.

I never wanted to compete to win you over. I wanted your heart, but most importantly, I wanted you to be happy, even if it wasn’t with me. I

I gave you what you called for; that’s all that matters. I got caught up in something only I felt. I believed what we had was real. But now, I finally know the deal.

I’ll always carry the weight on my heart of all the times I was ignored, unappreciated, and left torn apart. I can’t begin to understand why I made myself put up with someone so cold while I had a heart of gold.

I always believed they were a beautiful soul. Except the story played out differently, another fool who spoke words that never meant anything.

How many of us have been in this spot?

I’ll never forget the day I gave you my final goodbye. I always wondered how you felt at that moment, but I realized I don’t care as I'm writing this. I don’t care how I made you feel because you never cared to wonder how I felt when you chose you every time over me.

You were definitely a narcissist. You didn’t care about who you hurt to get what you wanted, including me a lifelong friend.

Maybe it’s anger I hold inside of me towards you. Because… I couldn’t love myself enough to see right through you.

If I had, I could have saved myself a lot of heartache!

As much as I’d like to… I wouldn’t. The past is the past for a reason. That’s why there’s a future. We make mistakes to learn to move on to the next part of life. I never regretted anything in life until I didn’t do some of what I wished I would have. The regrets I have are the things I didn’t do when I had the chance to.

things I wish I did, the things I wish I would have said. I always think before I speak, so I always regret half of what I don’t do because my head always tells me not to. I would love to stand in front of everyone I know and tell them everything they hear about me may be correct or as fake as the person they heard it from. Half the stuff I hear are lies; people always talk and never speak the truth. I don’t know why I deal with people’s drama, but once it gets to you, you’re a part of it. You’re “hated” on… your so-called “friends” talk about you, but none of it’s true. It’s because your friend was jealous of you. You’re hated for no reason on so many levels because the friends you thought you had, were someone genuine and ended up being someone you knew. They become strangers and are now a hater. To the people who go around talking about me, I’m glad you do. If I’m what motivates you, it looks terrible on you. To the people who stay on me about my life, my situations, and my decisions… leave them be. Who are you to judge me?

Writing helped me when no one was there to listen to me. I had my fair share of trust issues, but I found my few. My family will always come first.

I don’t have a perfect life, but I can tell you everything I do is worth it. I live my life every day with these mistakes. I look back to the past and say, “wow, look who I am today.”

Whatever’s meant for me will happen. There are some things I can’t change, some things I regret never doing. When I think about it, Life’s never what you ask for… It’s what you make of it.

Always show your heart openly, you may get hurt no matter what you choose. You can say you gave your all. In the end, that’s what matters.

Everyone has that one passion that makes the drive worth it. My passion is writing. I always wanted to write a book that so many could find themselves relating to. Whether it gets published or not, I hope to help the world see you need to always do what you love and be happy doing it. I usually call them like I see them, Too bad I was blind when it came to you. So many people ask me, “what’s wrong,” and when I respond with “I don’t know,” they say there’s no such thing as not knowing as if they never once felt alone. I find it funny how people never understand your happiness, yet when you’re sad, they want you happy.

Accept that happiness relies on yourself, not based on someone else. The key to true happiness is believing in yourself.

They watched me fall, with no intention of catching me. So, they left me. They watched me break… Never would they claim they did this to me. We made mistakes, a least own up to the ones you make. They watched me crash. . . With intentions of fixing me, only with words overplayed. They watched me love them, while they were selfish with their love. I watched them leave, as they promised they never would.

watched them change, It all makes me think, I miss the person I believed them to be.

Nothing ever lasts. That “forever” doesn’t exist. Why am I to blame because I thought we were honest? How do I get blamed for loving more than I should? They were right that nothing ever lasts… when our time is up, our heart only ends up broken. Isn’t it crazy to think that maybe something could last forever? I’ve always been crazy to believe in love and that it lasts. I’m being punished for believing, better yet, for caring. They said where the heart is, is where there is love. I guess that’s where we went wrong. Because you never had a heart in the first place.

I learned too late that you weren’t capable of love.

The worst part about getting to know someone is falling for them and they have no intentions of falling too. Two different wishes neither came true. “I thought you wanted this,” you thought I wanted that. You could tell the page we’re on isn’t the same and I don’t know how it got this way. Too soon to break your heart but you already feel broken. I’ve been mistaken as a fool, but only for you.

You said you loved me but you lied. You weren’t capable because you loved yourself too much.

I wasted so much time on the person I thought was best; now, I’m stuck between wanting what’s best and wanting what comes next. It feels like a massive part of me is missing because time doesn’t stop because I want you. Time isn’t going to wait for me. Wasting time isn’t healthy.

Time doesn’t wait, so why wait for it? I have a whole life to live, with or without you. Time won’t wait for us; in time, our feelings will be lost and we’ll be stuck with memories. I love you, but you want time. Time won’t make you love me. Time won’t wait; it won’t make you feel the same way.

I WISH I DIDN’T NEED TO CHOOSE, MY PRIDE OR YOU Sometimes in life, things don’t happen the way we want. We screw up and fail at the things we want most. The key to succeeding is believing. Keep in mind not one person can make or break you. Giving someone that power makes you look weak. We’re human; we make mistakes. I try my hardest to help those who feel abused. Who feel like they’ve lost themselves along the way.

Loving yourself is the most crucial part of living. Change should also mean maturity. True happiness is the key to it all. You either be happy or watch yourself fall;

You make my heart feel a certain way; it’s too much to explain. If I could be with you, I wouldn’t want it any other way. It would be you and you only. My heart’s telling me to stay close while my mind tells me to go.

Leaving was the best thing I did for myself.

I no longer care for those who don’t care enough to keep me around after they promised they wouldn’t let me down.

How many times has this happened? It’s always the people I least expect. Is it my bipolar self that drives them away?

There’s so much I’m scared of in life. I might be scared to drive over bridges with water underneath. I might fear dying.

I actually don’t like driving over bridges with water underneath. I also fear height and cockroaches. Death seems to be looming now that I am in my 60’s.

what scares me most while living isn’t dying… but losing the love that keeps me living. The love that keeps giving. The kind that reminds me why I tried hard to get it. I never gave in when it got hard. Love isn’t just a word. In this case, love is an idea. Love is a person. Love is what keeps me sane. Not just any love, but the kind you give to me. The happiness you bring. The other half of my heart I’ve been missing. Your love grows on me every day. To lose it scares me. I cherish it. We had our share of crossfires; we always ended up back where we started. I hate fighting; it’s like I lose a part of you I’ll never get back.

All I wanted was closure; I was in until it was over. I never thought I’d see the day, but it came so quickly, that I took it in, let it out, and moved on with my life. My past haunts me and taunts me. It doesn’t want me to forget. Everything

made for? Getting broken? Losing people? I’m an emotional mess… I’m alone in this. I write with such emotion,

The past that haunts me, The past that needs to die… I don’t want the memories, Let them die, Let them free… I want to forget them, I want to breathe.

TELL MYSELF I’M NEVER GOOD ENOUGH, OR I’M JUST TOO MUCH

**I tell myself…

I let go of people I wanted to keep around forever. To me, that’s become my biggest strength. If you know me, you know my heart’s big and my love is unconditional. If I let you go, It was for reasons that don’t need explanation, other than it wasn’t me, It was you.

This was a big life lesson for me when I realized how narcissistic you were.

Toxic people are dangerous. You’ll love them with all your heart. Without knowing, your heart is breaking

because of them.

You were definitely dangerous. Your narcissism put me in the hospital because you destroyed me and you didn’t care. You put on like you did but you didn’t because you were all about you!

I know that’s not what love is. Love is not pain; love is beautiful. Love is supposed to be something that creates happiness, not something that destroys it. No matter how much I’ve been hurt, how badly I’ve been pushed to my limit, I know love is real.

…because I finally found my Prince Charming after going through a lot of toads!

heartbreak is real.

Don’t I know it!

There’s no halfway when it comes to love; you’re either in or never were.

So true!

Don’t be afraid to feel your emotions; if you don’t they’ll end up your worst enemy.

I was always told I was too emotional. As it turns out, I am an HSP with many empathic qualities.

If you push me away,

I promise you, you won’t find me where you left me. My heart’s big, but not big enough to deal with people who decide to love me when it’s convenient for them. It’s not a loss anymore, to me, when someone decides to walk out of my life. It’s a loss to them, having to remember me for everything I am, knowing they chose to let me go. I no longer look for you in places I left you. I left you behind for reasons that made sense to me. Reasons I needed to heal myself. Healing from the times I gave you more than I gave myself. Recovering from the pain of loving you until my heart was almost broken.

It is taking years to put your betrayal behind me but I am getting better. I have written a lot of the pan right out of me. I’ve come to the conclusion that you didn’t deserve me!

In my opinion, love has no limit, time, or age. You don’t need to be mature to be in love. Being in love is a feeling, you just know.