I Was Never Broken

by Sara Sheehan

Don’t let anyone try and dictate your life. You are the writer, they’re a chapter behind.

Don’t ever hide who you are because others will judge you. Be you; if they can’t love you, they don’t deserve to.

I’ve given up my sanity, to loved ones who showed me, how disappointing it can be

to love someone with almost all of me, while letting them break me. Without one single regret, watching me pick up the pieces.

IN CASE YOU FORGOT: You deserve to love yourself with the same kind of love, you give to everyone else.

I will always have the scar on my heart of being in love with someone who never loved me back.

…but you didn’t care. Your narcissism wouldn’t let you!

Stop allowing toxic people fill you with poison and call it “love”

I’ve done my best!

I’m sorry I wasn’t good enough. I’m sorry you felt as if everything was my fault. I’m sorry you feel hurt by the distance I created between us, but it’s what we both need. Our love became unhealthy; I didn’t know who I was anymore. I was fighting for someone I lost long ago. I was searching for you for who you used to be. The one who loved me for everything I was. I miss that person; not saying I don’t love you for who you are today because I was overly proud of your accomplishments. I would always celebrate you, regardless of how you made it seem. I always loved you, even when things faded… I loved you through the fog. I still do. Do you know how much it hurts not to have the one person who gave you so much comfort? It wasn’t easy, please understand that it

wasn’t to walk away. It took all of me to come to terms with letting you go, a part of me still hasn’t. I probably won’t ever let you go completely. I just want you to know I’m more hurt than angry. I chose this decision, and I’ll live with it forever. I’ve been in too many situations when I decided on someone when I should have chosen myself. I know it should feel wrong, especially since you were my best friend. Things don’t always happen the way we want. The life we thought would happen happened nothing as we planned, both a complete blessing. You gave me so much insight into what loving someone so much felt like. I chose to remember you as the best friend I loved for so long, not the piece I outgrew. You’ll always be special to me; I hope you know that.

How could you promise me so much just to make me feel less? Build up my love just to break me down. But you seem to be the one that remains in my heart. It’s hard not to think of you, and when I do, I find myself missing you. I hate not knowing how you feel; how you expressed yourself was so real.

what are you supposed to do when your heart’s not broken but needs repair?

I’m hurt, almost broken. It’s not their fault; it’s not up to them to fix me;

It’s up to me!

I believe I deserve the best. I promise to never settle for second best. If they don’t want me to be their first… there’s no need to be theirs at all. I just need someone who will love me for me. When I’m a mess and when I look my best. Who cherishes being with me and loves my presence. I just want to be loved in a way it won’t need to hurt, or I won’t need to worry. Because I will be everything I am, and that will be enough.

we felt inside. Now we’re frustrated; we’re nothing we once knew. We’re everything we said we’d never be. In my eyes, it was all a lie. Show me your soul, I promise I’ll love you forever. I wouldn’t do anything to damage that beautiful heart of yours. I’ll only add to the love you already have for yourself. Let me tell you something about people with good hearts. We love intensely, sometimes it’s hard to accept not everyone can love us with the same love, reciprocated back to us. The wild part… no matter how many times the pain is repeated, our hearts never change.

I cared too much about trying to save the ones I loved from themselves. I was helping them find them; I slowly lost myself. I recovered who I was when I let them go, which ended up being the best decision I ever made.

I’m as human as the rest. Some days I feel untouchable some days I feel incomplete. The thing is, I know I’m blessed… I’m aware I won’t always be happy nor will I always be down. I found balance, I’ve learned to appreciate my life as the art it is.

right when I needed you. I thank you for being you, for being the beautiful soul you are. I

I want you to know that your friendship means the world to me… after losing people in my life who held my comfort close, I get you. someone soft but not easily open… I’m drawn to you. You’ll always be a mystery to me. You’ll always be someone I want more, but for now, know that being your friend has been an honor. I’m so happy to call you my friend. Knowing you has been admired, thanks for letting me in. Keep spreading love there’s too much hate in this world we need more real love. The heart wants what it wants; that’s the truth. But sometimes, what your heart desires isn’t what’s good for you.

reciprocated. Some people will only drown you In misery than bring you any good I put up with loving the worst kinds of hearts back then. I put up with friends who I’ll always love but won’t be a friend to again. It’s life.

But always remember, not everyone will love you back… you’re not for everyone, and only you can understand that.

It’s sad, people hide who they are to make people love them. That’s not love. I learned my lesson with this. People started switching up when I opened up and became a free spirit. I’m glad I’m free of them… I can finally breathe.

The way I love will always be intense. You will always feel my love. Regardless of the time that passed, you will never forget how my love felt. Knowing I loved with all of me, even when I couldn’t love myself, to me, that’s my beauty.

It doesn’t matter how hard you try. How much love you give, or how openly you show your heart, nothing you do will ever be right for someone who doesn’t see good in you. Stop giving your heart to those people repeatedly. You’ll only get lost in their misery.

My heart is strong; I’ve overcome the most challenging obstacles. One’s I never thought I could face. My heart is also fragile and could break in a matter of minutes. That’s why love is my biggest fear… because as much love you give, there’s no guarantee it will remain forever.

Finding yourself is the biggest struggle; loving yourself is incredibly hard. Yet loving others, saving others, and being the one in need is so easy, we put our all into someone else in hopes to fill the void we long to find in ourselves.

I loved myself always, but I’m still trying to understand the parts of me I don’t like… the parts of me that are hidden, and the parts I’m still searching for. I can never love myself enough. There’s always more to love and learn. - never stop soul searching

I’ve been obsessed with saving people my whole life, friends, and relationships. I always wanted everyone to know my love was real and that my passion was strong enough to heal whatever hurt them. I always wanted to be loved in return, the exact way I loved.

I can’t think clearly. I don’t understand how I even got here. It’s like I blacked out on everything I once knew and now I’m trying to recover from a bad nightmare. A stormy night that turned into weeks… months. I went from being happy to becoming depressed. It comes in waves. I’ll be fine during the day until it becomes night and my thoughts become dangerous. I don’t crave another presence at this moment; I crave peace of mind. I crave finding my balance… finding my way. I’ve lost every trace of happiness within myself. I’m trying to find the way back to me… but she’s lost, I can’t find her.

I let someone get the best of me without trying to stop them. I used to fighting. I promise you; that I will never forget the pain every time I looked into your eyes, the lies that came off your lips… the fake love you gave me: fake dreams and false hopes. I hope my future is nothing like my past; I wish I had learned the lesson I was meant to with you. I couldn’t stand one moment reliving it. You’re a memory… soon ready to fade with time, you'll be forgotten.

I did too little-too late.

I struggled with loving myself for years. Instead, I’d love anyone who made it easy. I loved them with everything I could because that always filled the void. I always gave more than I received. I always went over and beyond for those I loved. I still do. But today, I’m doing my best to set that aside and only accept the love I deserve.

My heart is too big not to share it with the world. Writing has saved my life, time and time again. It’s been my voice throughout these years.