I Don't Have a Bucket List but My F*ck-it List is a Mile Long: The hilarious guide to making your life happier, richer, and even more badass!

by Ruby Rey

A funeral is not the score card for a life.

No good deed goes unpunished.

Humiliation and shame are powerful motivators.

Hurt people hurt people,

The most ingenious way to help others is to be... ever so slightly smug.

To help others, first help yourself.

Note: Choose your battles wisely. No amount of nonchalance will win over a stubborn person

If you find yourself losing your sense of humor, take it as seriously as you would a fever, a lump, or a purple rash on your neck that looks an awful lot like the number 666. Get it treated before it worsens.

You can’t expect people to like you if you don’t like them.

ugly truth about outsiders is we are the ones to blame for our situation.

I am the type of girl who is euphemistically referred to as plain.

And hated

Books are much easier than friends.

Oh, have I mentioned that I cry all the time? I do.

Honestly

I’m ugly, not stupid.

Society’s definition of beauty might be changing, but nothing’s going to shift drastically in our lifetime.

What’s more, a person’s attractiveness, as rated by others, can be influenced by who’s around them.

Even aging is easier for women who aren’t losing the advantage of sexual desirability. Wallflowers don’t suddenly become invisible at age forty, because we always were invisible.

These people are called introverts.

I am a major case

These people have strong, healthy defenses. If they’re not letting down the drawbridge, that means you haven’t yet earned your way into the castle.

Good luck

Premature E-Talk-Ulator.

Never talk about binge-watching TV shows.

Don’t ever shut down a person for mentioning something they’ve already posted on social media.

“just have confidence,” how to “fake it ‘til you make it.”

If you need skills, get those skills. Take a class, get a how-to book, watch videos online, volunteer as an intern.

The cancer loves the sugar.

These mind games are a subtle form of gaslighting.

practicing basic hygiene by showering at least once every two days

keeping my mouth shut

getting out of bed be...

Some people will assign malice and bad intentions to things other people do. To things that you do. These hurt-but-not-healing people feel free to abuse those around them. They can justify anything.

Note: Self-awareness doesn’t cancel out the danger. Even someone who laughingly points out all of their red flags is still a person with a lot of red flags.

Someone who always assigns the worst intentions to your actions. Someone who sees the world in black and white, and demands that you’re either with her or against her. Someone who demands you change

not your friend

at some point you will become the villain in their narrative.

Of course I am

Remember this: A friend who becomes an enemy has been hating you since the day you met.

The secret to success is to find some passion for a worthwhile cause, and not let it destroy you.

I’ve suffered from depression

The downside of medication, for me, anyway, was the side effects. I got the whole list: weight gain, sex problems,

Weight loss, tumors, fibroids, ulcers, internal bleeding

Did you know we have neurological tissue in our digestive systems? You may have suspected your stomach has a mind of its own. Surprise, surprise. It actually does.

or Enteric Nervous System.

The less money people pay for something, the less they value it; free events always attract more belly-achers.

Destructive people believe that tearing down or picking apart what others are doing has just as much value as being constructive and helping.

Despite being an introvert, I do enjoy having some occasion to put on pants, step outside, and socialize with other humans.

Listen to other people, even if they’re boring. Spoiler alert: most people are boring, but that’s okay, because so are you. (Not to me. I think you’re amazing.)

Give generously to those who’ll never repay you. If you’re only giving to people you know will pay you back, that’s not giving. It’s lending, which is not the same as giving. Note that this doesn’t mean you have to become a doormat. If you’re asked to give too much, you can politely say no, but at least be the sort of person who

considers it. There are many ways to give. Money is obvious, but there’s also time, energy, compassion, unders...

Believe that everyone you meet is trying their hardest, even when their supposed best efforts yield results...

Be kind to everyone, even those who don’t deserve it. Especially to those who don’t deserve it. It’s very easy to be nice to nice people who deserve niceness. The true test of your inner goodness comes when you’re dealing with those who are diffi...

builds up your kindness muscles, you’re getting back more ...

Never do anything you can’t discuss ...

Don’t run over people with you...