Everything You Are

by Kerry Anne King

Without music, life would be a mistake. —Friedrich Nietzsche

listening to the soul of a man who was unable to die at the same time as his music.

If she could die quietly, just close her story as if it’s a book she started reading and decided she didn’t like, she would welcome that. But she has to keep turning the pages; she’s not allowed to quit, because this is her fault and it’s the punishment she deserves.

“‘Sober’ is such a bleak word. Makes me think of Quakers. Or nuns. Amazed and alive, that’s what I am, five years now.”

Adventure Angels Manifesto I hereby commit to falling in love with life in all of its manifestations of trouble and triumph, joy and grief, boredom and excitement. I will treat each day as an adventure, full of possibility, and I will seek to be present for every moment, whether pleasant or unpleasant.

If I should fail, I commit to picking myself up and trying again. On this day, I do so solemnly swear.

At the center of the music, he is whole. All of his confusion—his anger, his grief, his guilt—turns to gold, a process of alchemy.

This is kind of how I feel when I’m creating. I’m not super talented, but I feel like I am in every brush stroke, eraser mark, and ink blot on a page. I am them and they are me.

Avoiding talking about things is much more dangerous than having conversations.”

A gift, she realizes with surprise. Her life, to be shaped and re-created however she chooses. The emotional place she was in when she swallowed the pills belongs to another girl in another life. She’s not numb anymore. The encounter with death has flayed her wide open.

There’s something about the panic that hots when you’re waiting to die and the relief when you realize you haven’t. It is truly a different kind of rock bottom. And there is really no way to go but up. Yes, people who have failed suicide attempts can be upset when it doesn’t work and all they want to do is try again. But this perfectly encapsulates the other side of the spectrum. In the same way that random near death experiences give you a new lease on life and teach you not to take things for granted, a failed attempt can open a suicidal person up to the other options they have when they’re at their lowest point.

“I think you need to trust that people are strong enough to carry the truth.”

people have to carry their own burdens, that they’re responsible for their own emotional journeys.