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by
Dr. Harper
Read between
July 24 - July 25, 2025
“Sometimes, when we’re carrying around abandonment and rejection, we just keep finding more of it,”
Who needs an abuser when you have a big book telling kids that an omniscient deity thinks they’re defective. “A real God would never punish you for having love in your heart.”
“The problem with PTSD is that the body and mind work on overdrive to prevent the same fear or pain from happening again. It’s like repeatedly touching a hot stove to remind yourself that it hurts. It’s stuck in a feedback loop.”
Not every psychological malady has a root cause or a solution. Sometimes it’s just a combination of genetics, circumstance, and bad luck. There’s nothing I – or anyone – can do to fix it.
“The most reliable sign, the most universal behavior of unscrupulous people is not directed, as one might imagine, at our fearfulness. It is, perversely, an appeal to our sympathy.” - Martha Stout, The Sociopath Next Door
When it comes to abusive relationships, I try not to convince the victim that their partner is bad. Often times, that causes them to stop seeking help – especially early on, when they’re dealing with cognitive dissonance about their abuser. Instead, I try to help the victim see their own value. Once we rebuild the self-respect and self-worth, everything else tends to fall into place.
Karpman Drama Triangle,” I said, handing it to him. “It has 3 corners: Victim, Perpetrator, and Rescuer.” “I’m the rescuer?” he asked. “You’re all of them,” I said. “When we carry these wounds, we continue entering relationships and repeating the same story. Maybe we start as the rescuer, but our victimized partner inevitably comes to see us as the perpetrator. So we become the bad guy in their eyes. Then we’re so exhausted and drained that we start to feel like the victim ourselves.”
Love is not heavy and sad. It is not pitiful and tragic. Love is light – infinite and open. It flows freely from within.”
