I'm a Therapist, and My Patient is Going to be the Next School Shooter: 6 Patient Files That Will Keep You Up At Night (Dr. Harper Therapy, #1)

by Dr. Harper

“Can you imagine God creating this vast universe, full of oceans and mountains and stars and galaxies – and then being so petty that He punishes you for loving who you love?”

“The problem with PTSD is that the body and mind work on overdrive to prevent the same fear or pain from happening again. It’s like repeatedly touching a hot stove to remind yourself that it hurts. It’s stuck in a feedback loop.”

“The most reliable sign, the most universal behavior of unscrupulous people is not directed, as one might imagine, at our fearfulness. It is, perversely, an appeal to our sympathy.” - Martha Stout, The Sociopath Next Door

When it comes to abusive relationships, I try not to convince the victim that their partner is bad. Often times, that causes them to stop seeking help – especially early on, when they’re dealing with cognitive dissonance about their abuser. Instead, I try to help the victim see their own value. Once we rebuild the self-respect and self-worth, everything else tends to fall into place.

“The most common partner of someone with Borderline Personality Disorder isn’t the Narcissist,” I said. “It’s Codependency. Caretaking. People pleasing. Rescuing. People who feel responsible for the emotions of others, burdened by constant guilt and worry when conflicts arise.”

“It doesn’t have to be abuse,” I said. “Just someone who took up a lot of space. Emotional outbursts, constant fights, rigid rules, drinking issues, unpredictable moods… Anything like that?”

“You’re all of them,” I said. “When we carry these wounds, we continue entering relationships and repeating the same story. Maybe we start as the rescuer, but our victimized partner inevitably comes to see us as the perpetrator. So we become the bad guy in their eyes. Then we’re so exhausted and drained that we start to feel like the victim ourselves.”

Love is not heavy and sad. It is not pitiful and tragic. Love is light – infinite and open. It flows freely from within.”

Partners of narcissists and sociopaths often develop Complex PTSD, which can look a lot like BPD.