The Algebra of Happiness: Notes on the Pursuit of Success, Love, and Meaning

by Scott Galloway

if balance is your priority in your youth, then you need to accept that, unless you are a genius, you may not reach the upper rungs of economic security.

The slope of the trajectory for your career is (unfairly) set in the first five years post-graduation. If you want the trajectory to be steep, you’ll need to burn a lot of fuel. The world is not yours for the taking, but for the trying. Try hard, really hard.

The ratio of time you spend sweating to watching others sweat is a forward-looking indicator of your success. Show me a guy who watches ESPN every night, spends all day Sunday watching football, and doesn’t work out, and I’ll show you a future of anger and failed relationships. Show me someone who sweats every day and spends as much time playing sports as watching them on TV, and I’ll show you someone who is good at life.

Opportunity is a function of density. Get to a place that’s crowded with success. Big cities are Wimbledon—even if you aren’t Rafael Nadal, your game will improve by being on the court with him. And you’ll either get in better shape or learn you shouldn’t be at Wimbledon.

I made the mistake of spending all my time, for most of my life, trying to figure out how to make more money, instead of taking a pause and asking myself what makes me happy. So, yes, work your ass off and get some semblance of economic stability. But take notes on the things that give you joy and satisfaction, and start investing in those things. Pay special attention to things that bring you joy that don’t involve mind-altering substances or a lot of money. Whether it’s cooking, capoeira, the guitar, or mountain biking, interests and hobbies add texture to your personality. Being “in the zone” is happiness. You lose the sense of time, forget yourself, and feel part of something larger.

The definition of “rich” is having passive income greater than your burn.

By the time you’re thirty, you should have a feel for what your burn is. Young people are 100 percent focused on their earnings. Adults also focus on their burn.

Studies show that people overestimate the amount of happiness things will bring them and underestimate the long-term positive effect of experiences. Invest in experiences over things. Drive a Hyundai, and take your wife to St. Barts.

It didn’t take long to realize that the secret is to find something you’re good at. The rewards and recognition that stem from being great at something will make you passionate about whatever that something is.

The pressure many of us put on ourselves to be a good provider is irrational. The instinct to protect and nurture your offspring is core to the success of our species. However, believing that your kid must have Manhattan private schools and a loft in Tribeca is your ego, not paternal instincts. You can be a good, even great, dad on a lot less than I thought I needed to earn.

Careers are asset classes. If a sector becomes overinvested with human capital, the returns on those efforts are suppressed. If you want to work at Vogue, produce movies, or open a restaurant, you need to ensure that you receive a great deal of psychic income, as the returns on your efforts (distinct of well-publicized exceptions) will be, on a risk-adjusted basis, awful.

if you’re an entrepreneur or find yourself sitting on assets that represent a large portion of your wealth, I’m comfortable saying that while a bull market may not be the best time to sell, it’s most certainly not a bad time to sell.

Don’t keep score. It’s human nature to inflate your own contribution to the relationship and minimize your partner’s. Couples who are always taking notes on who’s done what for whom waste energy, and ultimately both feel as if they’re in the loss column. Decide if the relationship as a whole gives you joy and comfort, and if it does (and it better, at this point), then commit to always being on the positive side of the ledger—aim to be generous and do as much as you can for your partner, as often as possible. Be willing to wipe the slate clean if and when your partner messes up, as she or he will. Studies show that forgiveness is a key attribute to sustainable, happy relationships. One of the main components of our success as a nation is that we give people a second chance. It’s no different in relationships—achieving real love and a sense of partnership will likely involve forgiveness that, at the time, feels unfair and even embarrassing. As we get older, we get more reward from giving. Keeping score creates a dynamic where you never give in to the real joy in life . . . doing something for someone because you love them and choose their happiness over everything else, full stop. Caregivers are the most important contributors to the species and are rewarded with longer lives. Marriage is a promise to give care, every day.

There are few things about parenting I regret more than turning away our oldest from joining us in sleep. Our intentions were good. Western research on co-sleeping emphasizes the importance of kids developing coping systems and confidence from sleeping on their own. Also it’s important that parents nourish their own relationship and intimacy. But there’s no one-size-fits-all here, and most cultures lean on the side of a pack approach to sleep. (Note: I’m talking about parents co-sleeping with young children, as there are safety risks associated with co-sleeping with infants.)

serum. I’m usually the oldest guy in the class by two decades, which should be cool. But it isn’t. You see, they treat me like Mick Jagger—so old, they find me inspiring. I walk into the box (what CrossFit calls gyms, for some reason), and the earnest comments begin (“It’s so great you’re here!”). Yeah, fuck you.

Your first house signals the meaningful—your future and possibility. Your last home signals the profound—the people who love you.

Learning: I believe it doesn’t matter how nice your home is; if at your exit you’re surrounded by strangers under bright lights, it’s a disappointment. Granted this isn’t an option for many people, but if you die at home, surrounded by people who love you, you are a success.

At the end, I believe parents want two things: 1. To know their family loves them immensely. 2. To recognize that their love and parenting gave their children the skills and confidence to add value and live rewarding lives.

As a younger man, I was always grabbing, searching. More money, more praise, more relevance, bigger, cooler experiences. But similar to the vampires in an Anne Rice novel who can have sex but never climax, there was just never enough. Until I had kids, my life was “More . . . I want fucking more.” The only time I’ve ever felt sated, ever, is with my family.

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I don’t think we go to an afterworld, but I do believe we can get to heaven while still here on Earth. When I’m near the end, I want my boys and wife to lie next to me, clear my mind, run their forefingers across my forehead, and strap their arms and legs on me. This is it for me . . . I don’t need anything else. I will make it to heaven, just a bit early.

Having kids who are young enough to seem perfect but not old enough to recognize your imperfections creates an innocence and joy that I don’t believe I’ll register again until I have grandkids. Being blessed with a great partner who also shares in this joy is the premier achievement. My students spend so much time thinking about picking the right career. However, it’s a distant second relative to the mother of all important decisions, which will set the tone for the rest of your life (together)—picking the right mate.