When We Believed in Mermaids

by Barbara O'Neal

called Eden, both exclusive and permissive, frequented by hippie movie stars and their drug dealers. Our parents were part of that world too—

Oooh like the garden of eden like the birth of allthings

do know that it’s hard to be the children of parents who are obsessed with each other.

Idk this feeling lol

The only way to survive is to let go. The world swirls, up and down, around, for endless moments.

but I swear I saw your sister in one of the clips.”

Excuse me is she seeing ghosts

She was the worst mother of all time. She was the best mother of all time.

involve bunches of young people, and this crowd was very young indeed. I walk slowly past the photos that have been taped and tied and paper-clipped to the fence keeping everyone out.

but I loved the rush of saving them, being there at the moment of acute trauma and terror and helping bring them back from the brink, like the girl in the ER the night I saw Josie on the news, a bullet wound to the gut.

My sister is the sane wat it is most rewarding

the funeral home or the authorities, I worked. Often I took calls between patient visits, ducking into a storage closet to get some privacy. I was too exhausted and overwhelmed to cry. That came later.

Distraction is the theif of grief

and your dad and I want to make sure everything is okay.”

A heagy burden fod her yo deal wit

That I would get used to missing her. I never have.

So is mari really josie

Josie Bianci is dead. I intend for her to stay that way.

Hmmm

“I am not the type of woman who stops men’s hearts, but thank you.”

Same

as I age and become less sexually appealing, it might be more difficult. I’ll

Meeee since birth

Maybe I just wanted to be close to her again.

feijoas?”

A girl without a mother who protects her is a girl at the mercy of the world.

These are the times I want to drink and smoke, when all my demons come crawling out of the closets and drawers to

I grt it me too

“It’s stupid, but I guess I like not thinking.”

Yesssss bad coping mechanisns

Do I even want to find her, really? Maybe it would be better to let sleeping dogs lie.

“Whatever I could find—” He makes a psshting sound, sends his hand out in a gesture of circles through the air. “Adventure

Meeee

I never went on those trips. By then, I had my own interests, things that had nothing to do with Kit and Dylan.

Regretting not being w family when yiu had the time

Ima.

Hebrew wood fr mom

“I never hated you! You hated yourself.” I refuse to let the tears fall, but they’re thick in my throat. “And believe me, I mourned you!” “Did you?” The words are skeptical. “Really? Even after I cleared out your entire apartment?”

Same i feel like no kne willgivw a shir when i die

I walked away from a terrorist attack in Paris and let everyone think I died.”

Everything in my life is turned upside down, but I can finally tell my real story. The people I love can know me—on both sides of the line. The people who knew Josie, and by that I guess I mean Kit, and the people who love Mari. Sipping my tea, watching the half moon skim the surface of the water, I try to imagine how Nan will take

If i inkh i femkt this way

“No one ever protected you the way they should have. But I would have.” She’s crying. “I would have.”

My sister isikr this for sure

Now, if only Kit will forgive me, everything will be all right.

Here jere

“We abandoned you,” my mother says. “All of us, in one way or another. Me and Josie and Dylan and your dad.”

I need this