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July 3 - October 8, 2023
By spending time on something, you give it importance.
We invest our working time in getting better at topics necessary for our (future) jobs, and our leisure time in mindless activities to numb ourselves. We become experts at fantasy series, video games, sports, celebrity news, and effortless jobs—unaware that none of these things will teach us anything about how to listen to our friends, how to become self-disciplined, and what to do with anger or grief. We confuse getting better at stuff with learning how to live, and how to be a good person.
Which will help your children more—your insight into happiness and meaning, or that you followed breaking political news every day for thirty years?”
the Stoics saw themselves as veritable warriors of the mind—to learn how to live and most importantly, to put it into practice.
If you look back now at your life, have you lived sufficiently? What do you have to show for your years?
Acknowledge the inner resistance and do it anyway. You’re strong enough to get up in the morning even when tired. You’re disciplined enough to resist that cookie even when attracted. You’re courageous enough to help the stranger even when scared. It’s time to be the person you want to be. Today, not tomorrow. At the end of the day, we get what we deserve.
Harm does not come from what happens—an annoying person or unloved situation—but from your reaction to it. Your harm comes from your belief about the event. So when someone pushes your buttons, it’s not this person, but your interpretation that hurts you.
if you find yourself in a hole, stop digging. Face the emotion, and get out of the hole.
when you feel a fit of rage coming on—it isn’t manly to be enraged. Rather, gentleness and civility are more human, and therefore manlier. A real man doesn’t give way to anger and discontent, and such a person has strength, courage, and endurance—unlike the angry and complaining. The nearer a man comes to a calm mind, the closer he is to strength.” – Marcus Aurelius
Generally, we shouldn’t give circumstances the power to rouse anger. The circumstances don’t care at all. It’s like getting mad at something far bigger than us. It’s like taking something personally that doesn’t care about us. Things don’t happen against us, they just happen.
We fear because we want what’s outside our power, or we’re too attached to something that’s not in our power to keep. We’re attached to people we love and fear losing them. We’re attached to the security of a regular salary. And we desire what’s not in our power to receive. We must stop attaching ourselves to external things and desires which are not under our control. Because a lack of control leads to fear. He who does not desire anything outside his control cannot be anxious.
We get angry, sad, or disappointed because reality doesn’t meet our expectations. We get surprised because things are not as wished. When you find yourself frustrated, don’t blame other people or outside events, but yourself and your unrealistic expectations. Turn your focus inward, remember, we must take responsibility.
Epictetus had a lame leg, and he decided to look at it as an impediment to the leg, not the mind. Pain and sickness, too, are to the body, not the mind. We must not allow to be taken over by self-pity. Such a self-indulgent response will only increase our suffering. Instead, we must remember that pain can be an opportunity to test and improve our virtue. We can practice patience and endurance—two noble strengths.
Modern philosopher Brian Johnson calls this the “equanimity game.” The rules are simple: (1) notice when you’re off-balance, for example, when you start to lose your patience with the traffic, your spouse, or a colleague, then (2) see how fast you can catch yourself and correct yourself—bringing yourself back to equanimity. He says equanimity is one of the greatest words ever. From the Latin: aequus (even) and animus (mind), the word means “balanced mind.” So we should catch ourselves whenever we get thrown off-balance by some event, and then get back to a balanced mind as quickly as possible.
What helps me most are the Stoic ideas to focus on what you control, to accept reality as it is, and to take responsibility for my life as it’s always within my power to choose to respond with virtue.
Who said life should be easy? No one. That’s what we’re here for! We’re meant for this. It’s how we get better. It’s how we learn to endure and persevere. It’s how we grow into a mature human being. "What would have become of Hercules, do you think, if there had been no lion, hydra, stag or boar—and no savage criminals to rid the world of?
The past is unchangeably gone. The future can only be influenced by the actions we take here and now. That’s why the Stoics say we must be mindful in the present moment and focus on what’s real and graspable.
Desire not what you don’t have, but appreciate what you do have. Always be ready to give back what you’ve been given, and be thankful for the time it was yours to use.
“So make a practice at once of saying to every strong impression: ‘An impression is all you are, not the source of the impression.’ Then test and assess it with your criteria, but one primarily: ask, ‘Is this something that is, or is not, in my control?’ And if it’s not one of the things that you control, be ready with the reaction, ‘Then it’s none of my concern.’” – Epictetus
“Whenever you meet someone, say to yourself from the outset, ‘What are his assumptions concerning what is fundamentally good and bad in life?’ When someone acts like your enemy, insults or opposes you, remember that he was only doing what seemed to him the right thing, he didn’t know any better, and tell yourself: ‘It seemed so to him.’” – Epictetus
“Kindness is invincible,” says Marcus, as long as it’s sincere. “For what can even the most malicious person do if you keep showing kindness?”
Ask yourself, in which situations do you want to show more kindness today?
if a person insults us, we can be certain this person has a flawed and immature character. Irvine compares being insulted by another person is like taking the barking of a dog personally. We’d be fools to become upset by that dog and think for the rest of the day, “Oh dear! That dog doesn’t like me!” Marcus Aurelius saw insulting people as a lesson: who not to be. “The best revenge is to be unlike him who performed the injury.” The best revenge is to let it go and be a better example.
You’re a warrior. Nothing and nobody can throw you off balance easily. You’re ready to deal with some punches and side-kicks. Such is life. Even better, knowing that these kicks make you stronger, you rub your hands together and look forward to them. They cannot come unexpected and hard enough. You want to be strong. You want to handle yourself in the face of adversity. You want to be unshakable in the midst of a storm. You want to remain cool when others panic. So you simply can’t afford to turn your head to every scratch. It’s just training. Smile and move on.
“Starting with things of little value—a bit of spilled oil, a little stolen wine—repeat to yourself: ‘For such a small price I buy tranquility and peace of mind.’” – Epictetus This is one of my favorite Stoic ideas. “I buy tranquility instead.” This sentence saved me countless times from getting angry and irritated. How often do we get angry at trifles?
“Often injustice lies in what you aren’t doing, not only in what you are doing.” – Marcus Aurelius
This idea is very simple to put into practice. Go into a conversation with the intention to listen for the most part. Observe what they talk about. Observe within yourself the urge to say something (probably it’ll be self-related), and then only say it when it’s not better left unsaid. Connect with people. Don’t perform for them. Let them do most of the talking. Enjoy listening.
