The Little Book of Stoicism: Timeless Wisdom to Gain Resilience, Confidence, and Calmness

by Jonas Salzgeber

Stoic philosophy made the good life a reachable goal for everybody, cutting through social classes—whether you’re rich or poor, healthy or sick, well-educated or not, it makes no difference to your ability to live the good life.

As a Stoic student, you learn that only you can ruin your life and only you can refuse to let your inner self be conquered by whatever nasty challenge life throws at you.

We don’t have the luxury of postponing our training, because unlike the Olympic Games, the contest we participate in every day—life—has already begun. Life is right now, it’s about time to start our training.

“philosopher” literally translates from the Greek into a “lover of wisdom,” someone who loves to learn how to live, someone who wants to attain practical wisdom concerning how to actually live their life. As Epictetus told us before, if we want to become good at living, we must attain knowledge on how to live. This might surprise you, but philosophy is really a matter of practice, learning how to sculpt our lives.

in Greek, this best version would be the inner daimon, an inner spirit or divine spark. For the Stoics and all other schools of ancient philosophy, the ultimate goal of life was eudaimonia, to become good (eu) with your inner daimon.

the inner daimon (or divine spark) has been planted within all of us like a seed, so that we have it in our natural potential to become that highest version of ourselves. In other words, it’s our nature to complete what’s been started with that divine seed and bring our human potential to life. To become good with our inner daimon, to live in harmony with our ideal self is, therefore, to get as close as possible to that high potential self.

eudaimonia entails that we’re armed with all we need to deal with whatever challenge we’re facing in life.

If we want to be able to act like our ideal self, say the Stoics, we need to keep our emotions in check, we need to tame them so they won’t get in the way of the good life. No, thank you, I can’t afford to panic right now.

What the Stoics found, however, is that we don’t need to follow that tendency. We can train ourselves to act calmly despite feeling angry, act courageously despite feeling anxious, and going east despite the wolf pulling west. Fortunately, we don’t need to pretend the wolf isn’t there, or even kill it (which isn’t even possible). The Stoics want us to tame and learn to understand that wolf. Instead of letting it dictate our actions when it’s angry, anxious, or hungry, we act calmly despite the anger. It can snarl and howl as much as it wants, we don’t fear it and act as we choose to. The wolf doesn’t have a say in our decisions any longer despite feeling the action tendency. The goal isn’t to eliminate all emotions, the goal is to not get overwhelmed by them despite their immense power.

when we’re not enslaved to our emotions, we can express the highest version of ourselves in every moment. When we do that, there’s simply no room for regret, fear, or insecurity. What results from this is a really helpful side effect—tranquility. In today’s hectic world, it’s what so many of us seek, to be able to stay calm, feel confident and secure, even in the midst of chaos.

Stoicism will give you many anchors to hold yourself onto, so you can find your path and walk it assured. This will cause you to gain an inner tranquility, a calm confidence at all times, even when life gets tough and shows its meanest kicks and punches. Because you know why you do what you do. You have this inner security that you’re doing the right thing and, come what may, you’re steadfast like that tower of strength, and nothing can root you out.

“If a man knows not which port he sails, no wind is favorable.” – Seneca

“It never ceases to amaze me: we all love ourselves more than other people, but care more about their opinion than our own.” – Marcus Aurelius

Do you remember the Greek origin of the word? It means being on good terms (eu) with your inner daimon, your highest self. And how can we achieve this? By living with areté. Live with Areté: Express your highest self in every moment. If we want to be on good terms with our highest self, we need to close the gap between what we’re capable of and what we’re actually doing.

The ultimate goal of Stoicism is positioned in the center of the triangle: eu-daimon-ia, to live a happy and smoothly flowing life. To achieve this goal, we need to be on good terms (eu) with our inner daimon, the highest version of ourselves, our natural inborn potential. In whatever you do, imagine there are two lines: the higher line indicating what you’re capable of and the lower line what you’re actually doing. Living with areté is about trying to reach the higher line and express what you’re capable of in this very moment. That’s actualizing the highest version of yourself, that’s being on good terms with your inner daimon, that’s when you achieve the happy and smoothly flowing life called eudaimonia.

If you’re unable to express the highest version of yourself, this will create space for regret and anxiety to crawl out of the darkness and spread misery.

nature wants us to thrive in life. This is why the inner daimon, our highest self, had been planted within all of us like a divine seed, so that we have it in our natural potential to become that highest version of ourselves.

if we don’t live up to our innate potential, we’ll never be fulfilled.

You should act virtuously because it’s the right thing to do and not because it will benefit you in some way or another.

This focus on the process, focus on what you control idea, is a massive confidence booster. You know if you do your very best, you will succeed no matter what. It’s all you can do. If you try your absolute best at your job, in your relationships, and for your health, then you’ll always feel confident and at peace with yourself.

Fighting with reality, fighting with the things we cannot change, will leave us disturbed, angry at the world, blaming others, resenting life, and hating the gods.

If the train is late, then it is late. Maybe it’s good that it’s late. Who knows? All you know is that the train isn’t here yet. And that’s okay, because it’s someone else who drives the train. The Stoics want us to cultivate acceptance to whatever happens because most events happen without us having a say in the matter. You can either take it as it comes and try to enjoy, or you can be reluctant and get dragged along anyway.

There’s a wonderful metaphor the Stoics use to explain this. Imagine a dog leashed to a moving cart. The leash is long enough to give the dog two options: (1) either he can smoothly follow the direction of the cart, over which he has no control, and at the same time enjoy the ride and explore the surroundings, (2) or he can stubbornly resist the cart with all his force and end up being dragged alongside anyway—for the rest of the ride. Just like for that dog, there are many things in our lives we can’t control. Either we accept the situation and try to make the best with it, or we fight it like a stubborn baby and end up crying and feeling miserable. It’s our choice.

Friendship is the most important preferred indifferent for the Stoics. Our human nature is not only rational but also social and, therefore, we’re naturally attracted to other people. And a good person always shows love, kindness, justice, and concern for his fellow human beings—for his brothers, neighbors, and strangers alike. Having wise and good friends is the most precious external thing in the world. As Seneca writes, the wise man “desires friends, neighbors, and associates, no matter how much he is sufficient unto himself.” We’re able to live a happy life without friends, but we prefer not to.

It’s better to endure loneliness, sickness, and poverty in an honorable manner than to seek friendship, health, and wealth in a shameful one. The good person will always pursue virtue and avoid vice at all costs.

poker as in life, you can win with any hand. Sure, you prefer double ace and a healthy wife, but that’s not up to you. What’s up to you is what you do with the given situation.

Living with areté is within our control + things outside our control are not relevant for the happy life = living with areté is within our control + enough for the happy life. This results in us being responsible for our own happy lives.

We must make sure that our happiness depends as little as possible on outside circumstances. There should be only a loose connection between what happens to us and how happy we are. That’s possible by focusing on what we control and trying to make the best with the given circumstances.

Viktor Frankl, who says in his book A Man’s Search for Meaning, “Everything can be taken from a man but one thing; the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances.”

Potentially, there’s a small gap between stimulus and response. The power lies in that gap. The freedom of choice lies in that gap. The gap means that we have the chance to step in between stimulus and response and choose our voluntary reaction (or non-reaction). The gap is only a potential gap because if we’re not aware enough, there will be no gap, and we will mindlessly go with the default (or auto-) response.

The Stoics argue that you can step in between what happens (dog poop), and your reaction to it (anger and f-words). The idea is to choose your best virtuous response rather than going with the default. In order to do that, you need to be able to spot your automatic impression (it’s really bad) in the first place. If you want to get in the gap and choose your response, you need the awareness to spot the first impression that arises in the form of thoughts and/or emotions. Once you see this first impression, you can step back, and question whether this impression is good to go with or not. You can look at this thought impression as a mere hypothesis up for debate before you examine it rationally. Basically, you withhold the approval of that impression and avoid rash, impulsive, and automatic behavior. This is immensely powerful and enables you to think before you (re-)act. It gives you the power to choose the best possible reaction, and what happens in the world around you doesn’t matter so much anymore. It hands you the key to your ideal behavior as you can choose to act in a wise, serene, and forgiving way—smile, clean the shoe, and move on with your life.

No matter what happens to you, your mind is always available to turn it into good fortune by responding with virtue.

Stoicism challenges you to change yourself whenever you can’t change the situation. Even if you can’t change the situation, you have the power to change your attitude about it and respond with virtue.

We give an event value by judging it as terrible for example, and forget that the event itself is neither good nor bad; it is empty and carries no meaning at all. We give it the meaning by judging, resenting, and wanting it to be different. This causes the emotional suffering. If you could let it be as it is, if you were able not to judge it good or bad but take it as it is (neutral, indifferent), then you wouldn’t have a troubled mind.

The problem with these emotions is not that they exist, but that they overwhelm us so that we end up doing the opposite of what we ought to do.

negative emotions come from wanting and fearing what’s not under our control.

philosophy is all about how to live one’s life. As discussed earlier, Epictetus compares philosophy to artisans—just as the carpenter uses wood and the sculptor uses bronze, we use our own lives as the raw material in the art of living. Every event in our lives presents a blank block of marble that we can train on.

Nature is immensely complex and it’s impossible to tell whether anything that happens is good or bad. Because you never know what will be the consequences of misfortunes. And you never know what will be the consequences of good fortune. Therefore, I try to accept everything as if I had chosen it. This way, I move from a whiney victim to a responsible creator.

Do your very best to succeed . . . . . . and simultaneously know and accept that the outcome is beyond your direct control.

“The impediment to action advances actions. What stands in the way becomes the way.” – Marcus Aurelius

Contemplating your own death won’t depress you, no, it will enhance your enjoyment of life.

Think of this thought training as foresight. Before you go out and do something, ask yourself: What could go wrong? What obstacle could pop up? Where could I face difficulties? That’s emotional resilience training.

What do I still lack in order to achieve freedom from negative emotions? What do I need to achieve tranquility? What am I? A rational being.

What bad habit have you put right today? Which fault did you take a stand against? In what respect are you better?

Combined with a morning routine, this is the perfect self-improvement tool: Your mental preparation combined with self-analysis will lead to continuous learning and self-growth. Plus it will make you more mindful of your actions. Personally, I do the good, better, best exercise. I ask myself three simple questions: Good: What did I do well today? Better: How could I improve? What could I do better? Best: What do I need to do if I want to be the best version of myself?

Marcus Aurelius uses a distinct comparison: “The model for the application of your principles is the boxer rather than the gladiator. The gladiator puts down or takes up the sword he uses, but the boxer always has his hands, and needs only to clench them into fists.” Just like a boxer with his fists, try to have your principles ready at all times.

The statements you formulate will be indispensable weapons in the fight between you trying to be the best you can be and the hellfire of reality that gets in the way. Ultimately, these weapons decide upon life or death—a happy and smoothly flowing life or a miserable and unfulfilling one.

True wealth lies in wanting less. “No person has the power to have everything they want,” Seneca says, “but it is in their power not to want what they don’t have, and to cheerfully put to good use what they do have.”

enjoy something and at the same time be indifferent to it. So accept that favorable wind when you get it, but be indifferent or even happy if you don’t get it. Ultimately, reality is good as it is—favorable winds and storms alike.