The Thicket

by Joe R. Lansdale

This was when I had a more sunny personality and was optimistic.

1

“All right, we’ll put that thinking in our thinking pipe and smoke it.”

2

“It is what it is, and if you look at it at a proper angle there is a humor in it. It gave me my philosophy in life: trust no one completely.

3

Sitting Bull said the best way is just to sneak up on someone and get them when they are not looking, and that is a fighting philosophy I have held to ever since.

4

But I want that to be clear. I do not know you yet. I may never care to really know you, as there is a short list of people I care about.

“You can go fuck your little short self with your little short dick in your fairy tail,”

I mistake it for a full-grown water moccasin and try to choke it to death.”

I want to fuck him myself.”

Like a rooster that’s just dismounted a hen.

They bring their own axle grease to loosen up your asshole.

“You think highly of yourself, don’t you?” “I do. I have to. I see everything from low down. It is a different way of looking at the world.

She was so damn ugly she would have to sneak up on a biscuit and force it to be eaten with the point of a gun.

A girl like me hasn’t that much furniture to move around.”