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Sture didn’t grasp that he always compared people to himself. His definition of idiocy was simply anyone who didn’t think or act like him.
There and then I decided to learn what is probably the most important knowledge of all—how people function.
This method is called the DISA—an acronym that stands for Dominance, Inducement, Submission, and Analytic ability—system.
Everything you say to a person is filtered through his frames of reference, biases, and preconceived ideas. What remains is ultimately the message that he understands. For many different reasons, he can interpret what you want to convey in a totally different way than you intended. What is actually understood will, naturally, vary depending on who you are speaking to, but it is very rare that the entire message gets through exactly as you conceived it in your mind.
People are not Excel spreadsheets. We can’t calculate everything. We’re way too intricate to be described in full. Even the youngest child is far more intricate than anything that could be conveyed in a book.
Though individual actions can, of course, be right or wrong, there is really no pattern of behavior that is right or wrong. There is no such thing as proper behavior or incorrect behavior. You are who you are, and there’s no point in wondering why. You’re fine no matter how you’re wired. No matter how you choose to behave, no matter how you are perceived, you are fine. Within reasonable limits, of course.
Words can have incredible power, but the words we choose and how we use them vary.
No Matter How Strange It Might Seem, in Theory, Every Kind of Behavior Is Normal
Every person reacts in a habitual manner in similar situations. But it’s impossible to predict every possible reaction before it happens.
We often react in consistent patterns. Therefore, we should respect one another’s patterns. And understand our own.
We should learn to listen, act, speak openly, and reflect in order to do what is relevant right now. Everyone can adapt.
We should be able to observe and consider most forms of behavior without being amateur psychologists. Everyone can take note of the people around them.
We should be able to understand why people feel and do what they do—right now. Everyone can think about why.
Dismiss personal jealousy and complaints. Learn to have tolerance and patience, both with yourself and with others.
The temperament and character traits we have inherited affect our behavior, a process already begun at the genetic stage. Exactly how this works is still a bone of contention among scientists, but all are in agreement that it does come into play. Not only do we inherit traits from our own parents but also from their parents—also in varying degrees from other relatives.
My core values are found deep within me, values so deeply embedded in my character that it’s almost impossible to change them.
We all have several different masks. Having one at work and one at home isn’t that unusual.
Conclusion: We continually affect one another in some form or other. The trick is to try to figure out what’s there, under the surface.
If you need someone with extra energy, you may want to invite a Red into the team or project group. They fight tirelessly along when others have already given up—if they are determined to succeed, that is.
But a Red detests inactivity. Things must happen. Add to this a sense of constant urgency, and a great deal will get done.
I wouldn’t go so far as to say that no other color works as hard as Reds do, but I would venture to say that a Red would give anyone a run for his money.
It takes a strong mind to move things forward, someone who understands that risks that are part of everyday life and that everything boils down to hard work from morning to night—for many years. Reds understand this from the beginning and are in no way intimidated by it.
merriment
sanguine
aptitude
Are you stuck in the same way of thinking? Do you need a new perspective on an old problem? Speak to a Yellow. You might not be able to use whatever idea scheme they come up with—in fact, realism isn’t a factor for a Yellow—but one thing can lead to another and then all of a sudden you have something that works.
A Yellow knows that by far the most important factor in business, for example, is relationships. If your customer doesn’t feel positively about you, it will be difficult to make any headway.
phlegmatic
frolics
They are pronounced relational people who will do everything within their power to save your relationship. And they will invest lifelong.
It’s often said that Greens are the best listeners, and this is true.
You’ll always know how a Green will respond to some questions because he doesn’t change his opinion very often.
Everyone else is more important. A Green never asks for anything.
He doesn’t make a fuss about himself, but he does keep tabs on what is happening around him.
A Blue can rarely get too many facts or have too many pages of fine print.
“Not having full control is the same thing as not having any control at all. What do we get by cutting corners? How can you possibly justify it?”
A common misconception is that Blues are unable to make decisions, but that’s not the case. It wasn’t that this CEO was pushing the decision into sometime in the future or that he couldn’t decide. He simply had no need to decide. For him, the process leading up to the decision was significantly more interesting.
This can manifest itself in various ways. It’s a fact that for the Blue, the trip is more important than the destination, exactly the opposite of a Red.
Quality is all that matters.
Quiet on the outside, but under the surface anything could be happening. “Introverted” doesn’t mean silent; it means active in the inner world. But the effect of this is often quiet.
In general, my advice is to listen attentively when Blues do actually talk, because they’ve usually thought through what they say.
And don’t forget this: According to a Blue’s values, being silent is something positive. If you have nothing to say—keep quiet.
We live with our shortcomings and make the best of things.
Quick Review of Core Behavior Patterns Reds are quick and more than happy to take command if needed. They make things happen. However, when they get going, they become control freaks and can be hopeless to deal with. And they repeatedly trample on people’s toes. Yellows can be amusing, creative, and elevate the mood regardless of who they’re with. However, when they are given unlimited space, they will consume all the oxygen in the room, they won’t allow anyone into a conversation, and their stories will reflect reality less and less. The friendly Greens are easy to hang out with because they
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The analytical Blues are calm, levelheaded, and think before they speak. Their ability to keep a cool head is undoubtedly an enviable quality for all who aren’t capable of doing that. However, Blues’ critical thinking can easily turn to suspicion and questioning those around them. Everything can become suspect and sinister.
Once again, I would like to remind you of their intentions—to get the job done. Reds have no problem taking one or two shortcuts, as long as it’s about getting things done.
Without you noticing, the Red becomes impatient because he’s already decided what his opinion is and he’s getting tired of you doing all the talking for so long.
A Red has no problem with conflict. Reds don’t consciously create conflict, but a refreshing quarrel every now and then can be a good thing, don’t you think? It’s just another way to communicate.
The disadvantage is obvious: everyone else feels controlled. Some people think it’s a good thing when someone else makes the decisions and holds the baton, but others feel limited and just want to escape.
Red means fast; Blue means high quality in implementation.
