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Kindle Notes & Highlights
Reds are not typical relational people. Nothing wrong with that, as long as the person you are communicating with has the same focus as you. But if a Red speaks to a pronounced relational person, like a Yellow or a Green, he can be perceived as very coldhearted or inhuman.
“egotistic”
Some people, especially Greens, find that this “I” form of speaking is unsettling. A Red’s “I” message occupies their minds. (They share this trait with Yellows, who also have strong egos.)
There are countless examples of Yellows who completely dominate a conversation. Then add a hefty dose of poor listening and an interesting (read: one-sided) communication takes place.
If there is anything that Yellows avoid, it’s feeling controlled by fixed systems.
The solution is to keep everything in your head, which doesn’t work. It’s not possible to remember everything. So inevitably the Yellow forgets and those around him think he’s careless.
The way Yellows often quickly get bored can have far greater consequences than a little disruptive behavior during meetings. They’re not good at everyday trivial things like administration and follow-ups.
If a Yellow is anything, it’s a bad listener. They’re really miserable at it, in point of fact.
Many truly successful people in society are often better listeners than the general average. They don’t willingly talk as much as they listen. They already know what they know, and to learn more they simply have to hush up and hear what others are saying. It’s a way to absorb new knowledge.
So what do others—other colors—think about Greens? The picture is ambivalent. Besides the fact that they are considered pleasant, friendly, and caring, there are other opinions.
If a Green trusts in a particular individual, that individual’s word becomes law. This makes it easy to exploit Greens, because they can be a little naïve and gullible.
But by using a less direct means of expression, you take fewer risks. If you take a clear stance on something, then you have to stand up for it. For a Green, it’s better to be safe than sorry. By expressing himself ambiguously, he avoids taking responsibility for the matter in question. He doesn’t have to risk his good name if he’s uncertain. If he hasn’t taken a position in support of something, he also hasn’t taken any position against something.
They despise a squabble. This aversion to conflict also causes many other challenges, such as stubbornness, ambiguity, and resistance to change. Because Greens are pronounced relational people, nothing is more important to them than keeping a relationship together. The problem is that their method doesn’t work.
The Reds will love it or loathe it. The Yellows will speak about their own reflections on the proposal. One or two Blues might have a few questions. What do the Greens do? Absolutely nothing. They just lean back in their chairs and let themselves absorb the proposal. They say nothing at all unless asked a direct question.
Even perfectionist Blue individuals receive criticism. It can be about how they are perceived as evasive, defensive, perfectionist, reserved, fastidious, meticulous, hesitant, conservative, lacking independence, questioning, suspicious, tedious, aloof, and coldhearted.
Blues can easily make us feel ill at ease. “Why is he so cold and dismissive? Doesn’t he care about me at all?”
“Body language” refers to all forms of nonverbal communication, conscious as well as unconscious.
The modern English language contains about one hundred and seventy thousand words, of which five thousand are used regularly. In comparison, according to certain scholars, body language contains almost seven hundred thousand signals. Yes, we can debate the exact numbers, but that’s not the point. Just understand that there are an immense number of signals, more than we may be aware of.
Red Body Language Some basics to keep in mind about Reds. They: keep their distance from others have powerful handshakes lean forward aggressively use direct eye contact use controlling gestures.
Yellow Body Language Some simple basics to keep in mind about Yellows. They: are tactile are relaxed and jocular show friendly eye contact use expressive gestures often come close.
Green Body Language Some simple basics to keep in mind about Greens. They: are relaxed and come close act methodically tend to lean backwards use very friendly eye contact
prefer small-scale gestures.
Greens often have body language that gives them away. They try to hide their true feelings but don’t always succeed. If they’re out of balance or feel uncomfortable, it will be visible.
Blue Body Language Some simple basics to keep in mind about Blues. They: prefer to keep others at a distance either stand or sit often have closed body language use direct eye contact speak without gestures.
You already adapt your behavior, even if you don’t realize it. We all adapt to one another all the time. It’s part of the social game, the visible and invisible communication that is constantly in progress.
At the same time, of course, you can always choose how much or little you modulate your behavior. The more you learn about other people, the easier it becomes for you to make decisions.
If you ask a Red, he’ll agree that most people are too slow. They speak too slowly, they have trouble coming to the point, and they work ineffectively. In a Red’s world, everything simply takes way too long.
Conclusion: If you want to adapt to a Red’s tempo—hurry up! Speed up! Speak and act more quickly.
Conclusion: If you want to have a Red’s full attention, cut the small talk. It’s vital that you’re clear and straightforward. Determine the most essential point of your message and start there.
Conclusion: Stick to the topic! The easiest way is to prepare your case very precisely before going into a meeting with a Red.
vacillating
If you have a boss who is Red, he will work hard, maybe harder than anyone else you’ve ever met. He will have many irons in the fire at once, and he’ll have complete control over everything that’s happening.
Conclusion: Show that you work hard. You don’t need to run into the Red’s office every five minutes, informing him that last night you stayed at work until half past eleven—he might not even be impressed.
Conclusion: If you really want to help Reds do better work, try to demonstrate the benefits of keeping an eye on the details.
Conclusion: Give examples of instances where time was lost by being too hasty. Point out the risks involved in hurrying too much. Explain that others can’t keep up, and point out that it would be great if everyone knew what the project was about.
Conclusion: Reds calculate risks by constantly looking at the facts. Facts are something they understand. Since Reds prefer not to look backwards—old and tiring—and focus on the present and the future, a plain and honest exchange of experiences may be called for.
Conclusion: Reds need to understand that the road to full transparency is to adapt to others. That thought may never even have crossed their minds; they’re mostly focused on themselves and their own thing. But by realizing that no one can manage everything alone, they can be prevailed upon to pause and actually care about other people.
Conclusion: You should confront his behavior immediately. Don’t allow any exceptions; just say loudly and clearly that you won’t tolerate coarse remarks, nastiness, and uncalled-for tantrums.
Conclusion: A Yellow functions best when he is happy and content. His creativity is at its zenith and all his positive energy flows. You should strive to create a warm and friendly atmosphere around him.
Conclusion: If you want to keep a Yellow’s attention, strip away as much of the minutia as you possibly can. Always start with the big questions.
Conclusion: Just accept that a Yellow feels his way. He has a high tolerance for uncertainty and isn’t overly afraid of risks.
Conclusion: Allow a Yellow to devote himself to the latest thing. He’ll love it. If you want to sell something to a Yellow, use expressions like “state-of-the-art,” “newly developed,” and “never before used.”
Conclusion: Become approachable. Demonstrate that you’re available; smile a lot; be sure to have open body language.
Conclusion: Coordinate all appointments properly with Yellows. Synchronize your watches.
Conclusion: If you really want to help a Yellow get organized, make sure he gets at least some structure in his life. Help out by creating a simple list.
Conclusion: Yellows need to understand that there are other people in the room or working on the project besides themselves. You can never allow Yellows to consume all the oxygen.
They have a penchant for talking about everything they need to do rather than actually doing anything. Everyone who knows a genuine Yellow knows exactly what I’m talking about.
Yellow people find it difficult to cope with criticism. They don’t like it because it doesn’t make them look good.
Conclusion: If you wish to get through to a Yellow with negative feedback, you need to be persistent. Create a friendly atmosphere in the room and find the right tone so that your criticism lands where it should.
You can always slam your fist on the table as hard as you can to really shake him up, lay down the cold, hard truth, and give it to him straight. I don’t recommend this. Better to work slowly and consistently, repeating the same feedback until he understands.
