The Path Made Clear: Discovering Your Life's Direction and Purpose

by Oprah Winfrey

OPRAH: It needs to break down so that something else can break through.

When you get knocked down, just get up. And move forward. When you think about it, so many people, without the kind of help that I had, do it every day. Right now, somebody’s gone through something significantly worse than me, and they have nobody behind them, and they’re getting up and they’re moving. It gives me such overwhelming confidence in people. The ability to absorb pain and the spiritual reassurance that comes from knowing those we lost are still a part of us.

For a marriage to be successful, you’ve got to have someone who wants you to grow into who you really are. And if you don’t have that, I have seen people become smaller after marriage. But love has to expand. It always has to expand.

Yes, or your reputation or your money. You know, all of those tragedies. That’s the way the self expands. I’m sorry to say it’s true, but it’s true. It’s all what you do with suffering. If you don’t transform your suffering, Oprah, I always say, with 100 percent certitude, you will transmit your suffering to your family, your neighbors, even to your country.

We always talk about marriage as a creative act. You’re creating something new in the world.

So every problem becomes not, Oh my word. Are we going to make it? But, Well, look what came down the road today. I wonder what this will produce. I wonder what we’ll learn through this. It’s just a shift in how you view life and life together. It’s an adventure in which you actually get to create and cocreate a life.

You know, one of the big lessons I’ve learned has been that if I can be comfortable with pain, which is different from suffering, but comfortable with pain as just an indication. And, it’s potentially a daily thing, in my case, then there won’t be my living in the future all the time. That one day if and when I’ll be happy and that on the other side there is this great sense of peace.

CHERYL STRAYED How long do we hold on to this old idea? I was going to do this job or I was going to go to this school or I was going to be married to this person. And it doesn’t serve us anymore. I once wrote a letter to my younger self and told the younger me, It’s okay to rewrite my story from time to time. And not only okay, but necessary. Sometimes you have to see things through, even though they don’t cause you joy. But sometimes you need to say, You know what? I’m not going to surrender my joy. I’m not going to be this thing anymore. That story is no longer true. I’m going to be this other thing. This other way.

OPRAH: Many times when you try to change, there’s a whole circle of people who actually liked you better the old way. And a lot of people are torn between that life and the life that’s calling for them. TRACEY JACKSON: You develop languages with people and you develop patterns of behavior. For instance: I’m the dysfunctional one; you’re the functional one. I’m the one in control. You’re the one who’s a little bit crazy. I’m always depressed. Whatever it may be. But when you change that, all of a sudden their role in your life is put into question. And they start having to question their own behavior.

TRACY MCMILLAN The lesson that took me the longest to learn is that I have to practice hard-core compassion for myself. Because I used to be very hard on myself. I thought I was supposed to know things before it was possible to know them. And the truth is that everything we’re doing, that’s our life’s work. My life’s work is to learn how to love better. My life’s work is to learn how to put light in places where it’s dark.

The idea of getting older is daunting and intimidating and not that fun, really. But recently I shifted to I have the privilege of getting older, and I really like that because it’s easy to spin off into the negative, as opposed to Aren’t we lucky? That we’re here, that we get to get older. I think it’s a lot easier to see yourself getting older if you’re happy in your life or if you’re doing meaningful work, and you are contributing to life in a way that makes you feel good about yourself.

What follows “I am” is what we’re inviting into our life. You say “I am tired.” “I am frustrated.” “I am lonely.” Well, now you’ve invited more of that in. So the principle is to turn it around and invite what you want into your life. There’s a balance to it. I don’t think you’re denying the facts. You’re just not magnifying the negative. Rather, start saying, “I am a masterpiece. I am fearfully and wonderfully made. I am strong. I am talented.”

My life’s goal is to be of service to a greater good. Wherever that true calling takes me, I’ve always been willing to go. —Oprah

People may not remember what you did or what you said, but they always remember how you made them feel. What her words so brilliantly remind us is that every single moment is an opportunity to be of service to another human being.

What I am talking about is committing, decision by decision, to a sustained, heartfelt, compassionate approach to life. We are more alike than we are different, Maya used to say. Imagine what would happen if two people with opposing views came together to inform each other from a position of wanting to be of service.

There is an eagerness rising within all of us to bridge our divides, to bring an end to vicious attacks on those whose viewpoints differ from ours, and to focus on elevating humanity. What I was trying to express in my speech was that all humans have value and a voice. And I consider it my purpose here on earth to celebrate and validate both.

Maya once told me that my legacy will be every person whose life was touched by my being here. I believe the same is true for all of us. When it comes down to it, life can be measured in exchanges of energy. Positive or negative: What is the energy you choose to bring to the world? Positive exchanges multiply and grow. That’s why giving on any level feels so great. You are creating an actual force for good. Most people wait to assess their legacy until their second or third act of life, when there is time to sit back and reflect. But what if, right now, you began to structure your decisions based on how you want to be remembered, rather than on what you believe you still need to accomplish?