Patron Saints of Nothing

by Randy Ribay

“A Litany for Survival.”

unlike Tito Maning’s, the place is exactly as I remember it from the last time I visited.

those awkward studio shots of his family—minus Jun—that hangs in the living room.

verb subject disagreement

We’re the only country in the world where it is still illegal to divorce.” “Damn,” I say, feeling stupid for how little I know about the Philippines yet again.

If you are to figure things out, you can’t hide from them. Silence will not save you.”

Up close, crow’s-feet wrinkles suggest he laughs a lot while bags under his eyes reveal an undercurrent of exhaustion.

I like this description

greetings in Tagalog that I actually understand.

Growth

“Tell me, Jason Reguero, are you willing to die to find out what happened to your cousin?”

Hell no thats fucking nuts

trying to grasp how my brilliant, compassionate cousin who was bursting with energy could have ended up in the slums.

Shows he is still grappling with prejudice

two whole years—before he was killed. If it is true, then that only leaves one year unaccounted

I catch, “mga lalaki,” the phrase for “men,” somewhere in there. “Hey,” I start to protest. “We’re not all—” “Stop,” Mia cuts me off. “Don’t make it about you. Just listen.”

He doesnt even know they said "all" lol

confessing everything that the husband had done to her as if they were her own sins.

The Jun who hugged me after that puppy died, who became a best friend more than a cousin, who wrote me letters for years, whose heart was bigger than anyone else’s I’ve ever known—there was no way he would have sold drugs. He was too good. He was the best of us. He wouldn’t have been able to live with himself knowing and feeling the pain and destruction those drugs would have caused.

“You haven’t noticed a pattern?” “What do you mean?” “With Jun.” “What are you talking about, Mia?” “He’s a runner, Jay. It’s obvious. Things get hard, and he leaves.”

Fair

imagining some parallel universe where Jun is still alive and married to Reyna and they have a daughter who feels like a niece to me. In that universe, people do not die for doing what is right.

Tita Ines sings Celine Dion’s song from Titanic

They can say titanic and celine dion but not the sokng name?

“This is a good beach,” Tita Ines says. “No Australians.” I’m not sure if her comment is racist,

As far as i know australia is a country not a race

And it sounds stupid to say this, but I feel like I’m home.

strikes me that I cannot claim this country’s serene coves and sun-soaked beaches without also claiming its poverty, its problems, its history. To say that any aspect of it is part of me is to say that all of it is part of me.

So I power on my computer and hop online.

Did bella swan write this

Email feels safer, more removed, so I write her back. I tell her not to worry, that I’m fine and all that.

Good

as I smirk at the fact that Tito Maning doesn’t have as much control over any of his kids as he thinks he has.

one of Grace’s posts dated about four months ago, there is Jun.

There is no friend. Grace sent those DMs. She must have created a fake account to reach out to me, to tell me that her brother had done nothing wrong.

I wanted to see if you cared. Why would you think I didn’t? You stopped writing, she says.

You do not know what it is like to live with this, she messages. I do. You do not. I have to deal with the pain all the time. This is your vacation.

My heart breaks in a new way as I imagine Jun behind the camera,

You’ve been updating it, I message. She doesn’t reply. You have to stop, Grace,

How is she photographing people tho

how to convey the gravity of the potential consequences to a sixteen-year-old.

U r 17

I consider telling them what Mia and I found out yesterday about Jun, what I found out today from Grace. But I’m still so afraid and confused about what I should and shouldn’t say.

Will regret this

“What do you want me to do? That happens here.” “Why?” I asked. “It just does.”

the architectural scars of colonialism in the form of terra-cotta roof tiles, terraces, and other turn-of-the-century Spanish features.

Oh noes not terra cotta when will the carnage end

each male member of the family was given an edge of it to hold, while the females watched.

Feeeemales

something physical, something real.

Wut

smoking a cigarette with the other, which surprises me since his idol is so critical of the habit.

At the end of Lola’s arm, Tito Maning is bent and writhing in pain as she pinches and twists his earlobe between her thumb and forefinger.

Lol

Grace adds, “I am guessing you do not even know which church to go to.” I don’t answer. Grace takes the lead.

Dang jay vhas a lot of girls helping him

But I don’t want to pull it out right now in fear I’ll drop it, so I make a mental note to check it later.

He missed something important

“There you are,” Grace says, returning to the sanctuary.

Weird that they wrote her leaving onky to come back and miss nothing

“What did he want you to do?” Grace asks. “To find him . . . to save him.” I sit up, disbelieving that my uncle still cared about Jun at that point.

“He had already bribed someone once to remove Jun’s name from the list.

he told me that he ran away from her because he had started using. He did not want to drag her into that life.”

All of the adults are failing us.

expected the truth to illuminate, to resurrect. Not to ruin.

We have belly of the whale!

So there’s nothing more going on here? Because it feels like there is to me.” She doesn’t answer.

There is zero chemisyry between them

Dad raises an eyebrow. “So what would you do instead?” I take a deep breath. “A gap year.” “A gap year?” “Yeah,” I say.

Omg unheard of

And I know he’s about to launch into all the reasons why this is going to ruin my future.

It is a gap year not crystal meth

And when I give real answers, he listens without judgment.

Did they bring up the uncle nearly stranngling jay cuz that would be awkward