All That Has Flown Beyond (Natural Magic #2)

by Marina Vivancos

What they didn’t tell you about loss was that it was a presence instead of an absence. You could feel it, constantly. It was active with memory. A stain, a smell, a word. Anything could take you back to a place which was painful to remember now. Suddenly, the dead would be everywhere.

They sat there for a while, pressed close. “Now when girls ask you out, you can tell them you have a boyfriend.” Kaiyo’s voice was quiet but sure. Ahmik’s hand on Kaiyo’s back pressed him a little closer. “Okay.” It had been as simple as that.

He stayed in the dorms as long as he could after classes ended. He would sweat under a sheet in the summer heat. Would let his body suffer so his soul could have some respite.

“Remember the time you thought there was a thunderstorm coming, and it turned out the microwave was broken?” Kaiyo laughed. Ahmik scowled, but a smile twitched at his mouth. “I was like eight.” “You were twelve.” “Ten.” “This isn’t a negotiation. You were twelve.”

He was pathetic. Pathetic. The world was out there, functioning, continuing without him, while he counted brushing his fucking teeth as a victory.

He could do this, he told himself. Even if he was terrified. Fear was an integral part of bravery, after all.

Why did going back home make him feel like an angry kid all over again?

Well, Kaiyo didn’t agree. He didn’t want to see anything positive in that pain and darkness. It had been something he’d had to survive. Had it shaped him? Yes. But not willingly. He could have gone through life without it. It hadn’t been fair, or fateful, or meant to be. It had been shit. A massive pile of shit Kaiyo had managed to dig himself out of, because he’d had to. And he wouldn’t stand there and take someone trying to tell him it had been anything else.

Kaiyo glanced back at Ahmik for a moment. Ahmik’s green eyes were still on him. Kaiyo didn’t want to know what lay within their forest depths.

Kaiyo closed his eyes for a moment. When he opened them again, he couldn’t be anybody else but himself.

“Isla. I understand your frustration, but let me tell you a secret. Some things in life are difficult. I know you’ve probably heard that before, but what that really means is that when you encounter something that’s difficult, this is not a reflection on you. Of your capacity or worth. It is a natural quality of life. Some hills are steep. Some rivers are filled with rapid water. Some deserts are so long and arid it’s like they’re never going to stop.

After a moment, Thea lunged forwards, wrapping Kaiyo in a hug. Kaiyo didn’t hesitate in squeezing her back. He closed his eyes and felt the pain of being given something he’d been starved of for a long time.

That was family. Not because they shared blood or even pack ties, but because they could look at each other and say, “I see you, and I love you as you are.”