The Wallflower Wager (Girl Meets Duke, #3)

by Tessa Dare

Penny believed in a great many things. She believed that education was important, books were vital, women ought to have the vote, and most people were good, deep down. She believed that every last one of God’s creatures—human or otherwise—deserved love.

“Pretty girl,” the bird squawked. Gabe set his jaw. Do you think I haven’t noticed that, you cursed pigeon with pretensions?

“She’d settle more if I covered her cage,” his beautiful intruder said. “I don’t suppose you have a towel?” He glanced at the linen slung about his hips. “How badly do you want it?”

I don’t mind saying the mystery is driving me a bit mad.” “Fuck.” She froze. “I’m not that upset about it.” He returned to the bedchamber, now clothed in a pair of trousers and an unbuttoned shirt. “It’s what the parrot’s saying. ‘Fancy a fuck, love.’ That bird came from a whorehouse.”

Penny pressed a hand to her mouth. “Oh, no.” “Yes! Yes! Ooh! Yes!” Mr. Duke sat to pull on his boots. “Please tell me I don’t need to translate that for you.”

In fact, Penny had formed a simple plan to cope with this situation. Thank the man for his help . . . Calmly make her retreat . . . And then never, ever leave her house again.

As a person who wanted to like everyone, it hurt to know that not everyone liked her in return.

Do you follow me?” “If you’re asking whether I comprehend basic mathematics, then yes. I follow you.” “Good.”

While Gabe worked, she called out encouragement from below. Not to him, of course. To the dog.

“I tell you, she’s unnatural. I don’t know if she’s a ghost, a witch, a demon, or something worse. But that woman is of the Devil.” “Ahem.” Startled, both Gabe and Hammond wheeled around. There stood Mrs. Burns. Even Gabe had to admit, these sudden appearances were growing unsettling. Hammond raised his fingers in the shape of a cross. “I rebuke thee.”

“I’m listening to exactly one person in this room,” Gabriel said evenly. “It isn’t you. The lady can speak for herself.”

“Are you hungry?” “I’m always hungry.”

“We can have a picnic.” He frowned. “What, on the ground?” “That’s what a picnic is, usually,” she teased.

“Absolutely not. We are not going into the water.” She lunged forward. They were going into the water.

“I wouldn’t be alone. I’d be with the coachman and smith.” “You’re not as important to them as you are to me. I’m not leaving you here.”

“You sigh like a fool, blush like a beet. Your eyes are the worst of it. They turn into these . . . these pools. Glassy blue pools with man-eating sharks beneath the surface.” “I hope you’re not planning a career in poetry.”

Ash retrieved the small, oval frame from the floor. It held a phenomenally ugly sketch of a cross-eyed, squished-face pug. “This is hideous.” “Yes,” Chase agreed. “It’s probably her favorite.”

Penny cast a glance toward the bird in her cage. “Delilah is more effective than you’d suppose. Certainly a better chaperone than Mrs. Robbins would be.” “Sadly accurate,” Alex said.

“You called her sandwiches revolting?” Chase went red with anger. “How dare you.” “I told her the truth. They are revolting.” “Of course they are.” He jabbed a finger in Gabe’s face. “And that’s expressly why we never tell her so.”

“Unmannerly scut!” Ashbury shouted. “Thou reeky, burly-boned gudgeon.” Gabe had no idea how to respond to that. “He curses in Shakespeare,” Chase explained. “It’s annoying, I know. You get used to it.”

“We are who we are,” she agreed. Gabe despised the defeated note in her voice. He liked who she was, beneath the mask.

“No, truly. Ask any hotelier. People with welcoming dispositions are in short supply.”

Chase rose to his feet and went to the hind end of the goat. “I’ll look. I’m not afraid. I intend to be there for every moment of the miracle of my own child’s birth.” He crouched and squinted. “And . . . I’ve changed my mind.”

Chase is a mood. I love the man.

“Fine,” Ashbury said. “I’ll do it. If I could stomach my own injuries from that rocket blast, I can stomach this.” He went to look, then reeled a step backward. “Oh, God. Something’s coming out.”

it’s not a goat, then what is it?” “It’s a punishment for all my earthly sins, is what it is.” “Describe it,” Chase said. “I’ve done my research. What does it look like?” “Picture a soap bubble,” Ashbury said slowly. “Then picture a soap bubble blown in Hell, by a demon with a phlegmy cold.” Chase doubled over. “I think I just vomited in my mouth.”

“Wait, wait. She’s pushing it out again. There’s more of it this time, and it looks . . . phlegmier.” Chase retched. “Ash, please.”

DYING.

“A nose means it’s headfirst. And that’s good. A leg would be bad. I think.” “You think?” “It depends on whether it’s a foreleg or hind leg.” “How do we tell which it is?” “I don’t know!” Chase exclaimed. “I’m not a veterinarian!”

I’m living for these men

“Why me?” “You’ve read the book, and you’re the smallest.” “I am not the smallest. I’m taller than both of you.” “Yes, but you’re slender.” Ashbury reached for his friend’s arm and lifted it. “Look at that. I’d go so far as to say willowy.” Chase snatched his arm away. “I am not willowy, for Christ’s sake.

“Here. You need a biscuit.” He bristled. “I’m not the goddamned parrot.” “Of course not. Your vocabulary is much worse.”

“You’re right. People do have choices. Sometimes they make cruel, unforgivable ones. But we can choose to keep our little corner of the world warm and safe.”

“Have you given him a name?” “Considering what an insufferable pain he is, I’m leaning toward Ashbury.”

Penny chuckled. “I’ll tell you a secret about Ash. His Christian name is George. He hates it.” He nodded. “George it is.”

“The woman’s a succubus.” “What’s a succubus?” “A female demon.” Hammond’s eyebrows lifted. “One who feeds on sexual pleasure.” “Well, then. I am exceedingly sorry I asked.”

have good news and bad news.” “Let’s have the bad first, please.” “The bad news is, I’ll never, so long as I live, wipe the past two minutes from my memory.” He scratched the back of his head. “The good news is, tonight we’re in the clear.”

“Thank God.” He closed his eyes and exhaled gruffly. “Damn it. I left the ring in the safe.” She laughed. “Best proposal in the world.”

“If I could move,” Alexandra said, “I’d be a great deal more help. Perhaps you could set me rolling like a giant pumpkin, and I could mow them down?”

Hell, even Chase and I would be . . .” He looked to his friend for the word. “Disappointed?” Chase suggested. “Let’s go with inconvenienced,” Ashbury replied. Chase nodded. “Someone has to eat the sandwiches.” “Thank you both for this touching moment.”

Before walking away, Chase leaned close. “Just as a point of clarification, in case you do die . . . Which of us would you say was the second, and which the third?”

IM DEAD

“I’m also going to find a new litter of kittens, and I don’t want to hear anything about it.” “You won’t hear a word from me. Even if you have a hundred kittens.” His hand stilled on her back, and he added, “That was hyperbole, you understand.”