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Behold the lavish tent under which the overeducated mingle, well versed in every art but the one of conversation.
Their skins glowing with health insurance as they all crouch down in unison to collectively coo at a professor’s ever jumping shih tzu.
Never lower your gaze first.
“He called me dark, twisted, and mean.” “How sweet. He’s in love.”
Why do you lie so much? And about the weirdest little things? my mother always asked me. I don’t know, I always said. But I did know. It was very simple. Because it was a better story.
That not being understood is a privilege I can’t afford. That I can’t believe this woman got paid to come here. That I think she should apologize to trees. Spend a whole day on her knees in the forest, looking up at the trembling aspens and oaks and whatever other trees paper is made of with tears in her languid eyes and say, I’m fucking sorry. I’m sorry that I think I’m so goddamned interesting when it is clear that I am not interesting. Here’s what I am: I’m a boring tree murderess.
But I doubt you did any of those things unless you have a mullet or a deep sense of irony.
I’ve never really not written, never not had another world of my own making to escape to, never known how to be in this world without most of my soul dreaming up and living in another.
Their cheeks are plump and pink and shining like they’ve been eating too much sugar, but actually it’s Gossip Glow, the flushed look that comes from throwing another woman under the bus.
And that’s when I realize that whatever pain I have, whatever true want I have that lives under all this greasy, spineless needing to please isn’t something I want to give them.
“Being with you,” he says to Ava, “is like being in literature. I have no idea where you’ll lead me next. But I’m excited. My life could change. And I’m not alone anymore.”
A pause so pregnant it delivers, consumes its own spawn, then grows big with child again.
She gives me the full hate bouquet of her smile. Every fuck you flower.
“I guess sometimes you can just go too far,” I offer like a pearl of wisdom. “And you know, when you go too far, not even your friends can bring you back.”
