No Hard Feelings: Emotions at Work and How They Help Us Succeed

by Liz Fosslien

Apologizing Sometimes you’ll be on the receiving end of a valid confrontation. There are three steps to constructing a great apology: 1. Admit your mistake. Suppress the impulse to explain your actions—this usually makes you look defensive or worse, like you’re making excuses. If you do want to give context, make sure you’re still taking responsibility for what you did. For example, say something like, “I fully admit that I snapped at you. I want you to know I slept really badly the night before, but that’s no excuse for my behavior.” And be specific! “Specific shows that you understand where someone is coming from,” advises Tom. Finally, acknowledge the other person’s feelings. You might say, “I didn’t know you think my emails are curt. I’m glad you shared that with me.” 2. Say “I’m sorry.” Too many “apologies” don’t contain an explicit apology. A good rule when saying “I’m sorry” is to stop after those two words. The fastest way to enter faux apology territory is to append “if [my rude behavior] made you feel that way.” Don’t imply the other person is being overly sensitive—take ownership of your mistake. 3. Explain how it won’t happen again. Tell the other person what you’re going to do differently in the future so you don’t repeat your mistake. Here’s an example: “I didn’t proofread the deck carefully enough before I sent it to the client, so there were several typos. I’m sorry, and it won’t happen again. Next time, I’ll slow down and have someone review my work.”