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sole purpose of trying to rob us of the very support system we need and deserve to have in place. They want to ensure we are robbed of having a soft place to fall and that we do not have people on our side
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Our toxic family members want us to have nowhere to go but back to them.
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terrifying, for our family members may use this opportunity to do as much harm to us as they can.
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however, that they do not want us letting their secrets into the light, and they absolutely do not want to lose the power they have had in controlling and dominating our lives.
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we will likely also be forced to leave behind many others who connect us to them.
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our toxic family members will eventually quiet down, and there will be fewer people who care about their smearing
Hopefully
we go silent and stay silent. We have no want, need, or desire to hurt the toxic family members in our lives by toying with them in any way.
No contact also means not identifying them in a book about toxic narcissists!
We let it go.
Indeed
non-verbal.
Except on the pages of a book...
ordered
Controlled by the self-declared victim
I have found I am taken more seriously when I explain that my toxic family members have an incurable form of emotional cancer.
Good luck with that explanation
I treat a couple whose youngest son has always been quick to anger. He has rejected any and all efforts they have made toward disciplining him and helping him
This is desperately sad
doesn’t make enough money to move out on his own, and he is emotionally and physically violent in the home.
Is he an adult?
taken him to psychiatrists, life coaches, and psychologists for help. I
When he was a child?
The less they reacted to their son, the more he upped the ante. I encouraged these parents to continue to not react. They followed my lead, and soon their son’s behavior began changing for the better.
Risky. He could have killed them
style, at first they felt as if they weren’t disciplining
So he's a child? But then why mention that he doesn't "make enough money" to enable him to move out?
portray us as stubborn grudge-holders.
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if we were to accept a fake apology at a deathbed moment, we would essentially be helping our toxic family members in our own abuse.
But even if their deathbed apology is fake why not accept it as they can do no more harm at this point?
ex-boyfriend who passively stalked me for over a year.
Yep
accuse us online and offline of being bad people.
Yep
threats of suicide
Yep
cards that are “sickie sweet,” as if nothing has ever gone wrong between us.
Yep
•Enlisting other family members or close friends to spy on us, relay messages to us, or gather information on us and what we’re doing.
100 per cent
nothing for Mother’s Day.
But a mother is not expected to give her daughter a present for Mother's Day - it's the other way around
Her cards say loving words, but they are just words. She acts as if nothing has ever happened between us.
Toxic
They view our efforts toward pleasing them with a sense of contempt because they’re consumed with jealousy and envy.
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will manipulate facts, slander us, start rumors, and contact all of the people we value in order to paint an untrue picture of
Smear campaign
The smear campaign is often the most feared consequence because we are human and we genuinely care about what other people think.
Absolutely
staggering thing about this tactic, at least from my experience, is that people who have known us for many years can actually be duped by the lies.
Not everyone
if we have to spend hours trying to convince people who know us deeply that we are not the bad ones, they are not truly our people.
True
When we establish no contact, we receive the gift of discovering the truth about others.
Bittersweet
I look at the smear campaign as the greatest way for us to weed out the true loves from the false or weak loves in our lives.
Totally
According to Sister Renee Pittelli, author of The Christian’s Guide to No Contact, the Bible never tells us we must always forgive unrepentant people.
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there are people who will reward us for being kind to them by being evil to us.
Sadly true
fight the dark forces, not peacefully coexist with them. It is our divine right to stand up to cruel and manipulative people.
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It is our right to expose their hurtful ways,
Only if they are still a threat to you
We are not doing anything cruel or dishonoring to them by simply staying away from them. Instead, we are helping them resist the temptation to be psychologically abusive, at least toward us.27
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The Bible tells us to forgive as God has forgiven us.33 He forgives us when we come to him and confess our wrongdoings, ask him for forgiveness, and repent
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repentance is not simply mouthing the words “I’m sorry.” Repentance requires confession—an acknowledgment of the wrongs done to the person wronged—and a turning away from the wrongs done.
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Mercy can be granted the wrongdoer, but when it is given, it is always given voluntarily. It is never deserved, and it cannot be rightly demanded or expected.
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justice is due them until their debts are fully paid
But only God is entitled to take revenge
If we continue in these relationships and allow the abuse to continue, we do our toxic family members no favors by assisting and rewarding their descent into becoming even more skilled abusers.
Exactly
“harm in the name of God must be called what it is: spiritual abuse through
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do not believe that bondage is God ordained. Freedom is every individual’s personal right with no one possessing the oppressive rights to rob us from God’s greatest gift—our individuality and freedom.
100 per cent
When I was younger, I was clingy. I couldn’t imagine that someone could really love or like me so I would cling to them. I was always worried about people rejecting or abandoning
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As I have matured, I have become more of a runner. If I start sensing things aren’t right in a relationship and I feel I’ve done my best to express myself and there is still no understanding with my partner, I start to run.
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had someone in their lives who was too nice to them, and because this kindness was unfamiliar, it made us so uncomfortable that we terminated the relationship.
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disenfranchised grief.
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They do not want to have to take any accountability for their actions. This is the reason my mother didn’t read the first book I wrote. She claimed it would be too hard on her.
Publicly shaming her was still unethical
