More on this book
Community
Kindle Notes & Highlights
emotionally homeless.
NB
It is important to understand that loving someone doesn’t always mean having a relationship with that person, just like forgiveness doesn’t always mean reconciliation. Reconciling, in many cases, only sets us up for more abuse.
NB
When we put closure to these relationships, we give ourselves the space to love our toxic family members from a distance as fellow human beings where we do not wish harm upon them; we simply have the knowledge and experience to know it is unwise to remain connected with them.
NB
the first step that needs to happen is self-protection.
NB
Toxic people do not think, operate, or play by the same rules we do, and our failing to recognize this sets us up by default for manipulation and unhappiness.
NB
grieving the loss of my hope
NB
toxic parent will provoke an independent child to anger in order to feel superior and to “prove” the child’s flaws.3
Could that child, as a result, become a toxic narcissist?
They have no interest in changing and do not appear to suffer from or recognize their low self-worth, which is exactly what allows them to continue being the cruel people they are.
True
We have no cure for them that they will accept. The best we can do is find a remedy for the damage they have done to us.
NB
NB
Why did you support me and pretend you were okay while the book was being written? They all knew the topic and content. They even contributed to its production. But all they really did was set me up to be destroyed after its release.
Maybe the book identified them. If so, the author is being disingenous here.
Why choose the birthday of the daughter you were supposed to love and care for only to intentionally and purposefully annihilate her? They had the months leading up to my birthday, and seven years prior to the publishing of my book. They could have spoken up or confronted me at any time during those months and years.
Did they only just then find out they were identified in the book? Did she reveal in the book that it was her own family she was talking about?
If my brother wasn’t giving my parents the attention and emotional validation they needed, they would elevate me to his status behind my back in an effort to make him insecure about losing his golden child status. This must have been painful and scary for my brother,
NB
Emotional abuse and manipulation cannot work without moments of intermittent kindness.
NB
Toxic mothers want puppies who will love them no matter what, not real-life babies who grow up and can one day challenge them, expose them, and leave them.
NB
Toxic mothers are image-oriented rather than love-oriented.
NB
her consistent need to have a man in her life.
NB
Others, like my mother, love having the attention of doctors and will take herself or her children to the doctor as often as possible.
Yep. This could also be Munchausen's on top of the narcissism and histrionics
so mean to tell the truth about our family.
Did she publicly shame her own family? If so, this is an example of toxicity passing down the generations.
array of non-life-threatening illnesses or injuries. These all require medical attention
Histrionic
he made my brother and I sign paperwork
Couldn't they refuse?
“This is all my fault. I can’t do anything right. I feel so bad.”
Extremely manipulative
I was annihilated for writing my book.
Bang of narcissism off this!
teachers and adults alike compliment me on
Her own mother probably said the same.
Putting my daughter before myself is an honor, not an annoyance.
Melodramatic, the kind of thing a covert narcissist would say
My patient had to write a goodbye letter to his parents, and he had to read his obituary at his fictitious funeral. The parents were supposed to write something back to their son on the goodbye letter he had written to them, and they were to attend the funeral service for him the next day at the school.
Patronising exercise. And possibly triggering to vulnerable people
my patient’s father thought the exercise was stupid and refused to participate.
I would agree with the father
His father’s disinterest and insensitivity
Quite the opposite, most likely. It is an abusive exercise
created a wedge between ...
This highlight has been truncated due to consecutive passage length restrictions.
School created - or at least added to - the wedge
but it sure made the dad look good.
The dad was apparently walking on eggshells as the school had poisoned his son against him
woman in his life who looked starved to death.
This is a recurring theme in family-shaming books; the authors have absorbed the toxicity to such a degree that they make catty comments
I had gotten “fat”
She didn't lick her cattiness off a stone. The father sounds like a bitchy woman
Some of these daughters anxiously avoid commitment. Some take on the toxic role in relationships
Very sad but it's the natural reaction of girls raised by narcs
thought of going against his wife brings up such deep fear or dread that he stays silent,
Lots of men are like this
Other passive fathers choose to ride both sides of the fence by fence-whispering to us in private that he understands our pain while urging us to do as our toxic mother wishes, putting up with her abuse,
Pathetic
it is easier, not happier, for her father to stay with her toxic mother.
Until he gets sick from the stress
my ex’s daughter was an aspiring sports reporter who went to a well-known university to live the dream of one day becoming a famous woman sports reporter.
The ex and his daughter might be identified if the author is writing this under her own name
made my ex’s daughter more envious and
Projection? The author seems very sure that her ex's daughter envied her. Maybe the girl just disliked her because she got bad vibes off her.
My ex did nothing to discipline or correct this disgusting declaration
Why should he? He can't tell his daughter how to think!
All of this is not about me feeling like a victim.
No, it's a hatchet job on people who crossed her.
I am committed to diving deeply into examining why I do the things I do so I can stop repeating the same mistakes over and over again.
Self-awareness would not go amiss
have come to possess an increased sense of control and mastery over my life, as well as grown in wisdom regarding my decision-making and achieved a healthy self-esteem.
This sounds narcissistic given the way she has publicly shamed others
who always needs to keep us at arm’s length
The victims want space and distance; the toxic ones want to breach their boundaries
occasional pinch, slap, or hair-pull are healthy and to be expected. These
Not very healthy for the one on the receiving end
all they can to force their way fully back into our lives.
No respect for boundaries. When hoovering fails, narcs get pushy
what they usually do is cut ties with us.
But their smear campaign continues
started their smear campaign against
Yep
if these individuals were not our family members, we would never choose them to be part of our lives.
NB
Once you see the smear campaign is in full effect, you must come to trust that you need to stay quiet
Good advice
let it happen and let it pass. The more you fight the smearing, the bigger the gossip and lies become and the crazier you will look to others. Our
Spot on
