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“Changwan-ah, you always worry about the future instead of enjoying what’s happening now. You need to learn that life isn’t worth living if you’re not having fun.”
He was silent a moment, unsure how to reply. Then he let out a roaring laugh. “Thanks.” “What for?” “Just for distracting me from my problems by being you.”
It’s not smart for a person to go looking for trouble among things he doesn’t understand, he reminded himself. But it seemed he wasn’t that smart.
“Men fell in love with gumiho because they were beautiful. Then they blamed their adultery on the creatures instead of accepting their own mistakes. Maybe it happened often enough that it became normal to say gumiho lured men into cheating on their wives. And the gumiho was given a label of evil she didn’t deserve. When you’re constantly treated as a pariah and labeled bad, you might begin living up to that expectation.”
Jihoon threw back his head and laughed, a boisterous sound that filled the space until it felt just a little less cold. A little less empty.
“It’s what friends do.” “Why do you insist on this? I never asked you to be my friend.” “It’s not something you ask for. It’s just something that is.” “I can take care of myself.” “But you shouldn’t always have to.”
“Looking at life with humor doesn’t mean I don’t take it seriously. You need to be able to laugh at things, even the sad scary stuff sometimes.”
“If people saw what I really am, they’d hate me.” “That’s not true. I saw you.” And you were beautiful, he wanted to add, but didn’t.
“Well, dear, sometimes the universe works in odd ways, but family does not always come about through blood.”
They were so at ease with their love. They fought and laughed and adored each other so openly.
It hurt to see such love when she’d never received it herself. Like picking at a wound after she’d long grown a callus over it. And now it lay open and fresh. A feeling of being so hollow, Miyoung wondered if she’d ever be able to fill the empty space again.
“It matters to me.” His words shouldn’t have caused the skip in her pulse. They shouldn’t have shot a thrill of pleasure through her. But they did. For the first time in her life, Miyoung’s control over her heart wavered. Or maybe she had never had control over it at all.
As with any tragedy or curse, it came about because she loved.
“You don’t know! You don’t know what I’ve done. Stop pretending like you do.” “I know I don’t like it when people bully you. Even when the person doing the bullying is yourself.”
“The good thing about friends is that even when they fight, they still care about each other.”
“I love you.” Miyoung let out a shuddering breath. Tears fell, hot against her cheeks. Jihoon wiped them away with his thumbs. “You’re such a foolish boy.” His dimples flashed. “I take that to mean you believe me.” “Yes, I believe you.”
She’d lived her life walking a fine line, always being careful. Always being obedient. And the one time she’d tried to truly live had been her undoing.
“I’m used to people leaving,” he continued. “I’m just not used to them coming back.”
Did he still love her? Then he sighed. Of course he did—only someone he loved could make him as angry as she did.
When you’re so used to people leaving, you start to think something might be wrong with you. It was easier to be mad at you than to feel like I wasn’t good enough yet again.”
People leave us and our lives will never be the same, but if we forget them, then what does that say about how we value them?”
“The sun and I have a good relationship.” She set her head against his shoulder. Her own personal sun, plucked out of the sky.
