Surrounded by Idiots: The Four Types of Human Behavior and How to Effectively Communicate with Each in Business (and in Life)

by Thomas Erikson

No, it’s not about memory. It’s about how a Yellow is often uninterested in what others say because he knows he could say it so much better himself. He doesn’t stay focused; he begins thinking about other things, begins doing other things. He does not want to listen—he wants to talk.

If you can present your message in a more amusing way, he’ll at least remain seated a bit longer. Rhetoric isn’t the art of talking but rather the art of getting others to listen.

Many truly successful people in society are often better listeners than the general average. They don’t willingly talk as much as they listen. They already know what they know, and to learn more they simply have to hush up and hear what others are saying. It’s a way to absorb new knowledge.

Reds and Yellows especially have problems with what I call the silent resistance. Remaining silent rather than speaking out. Certain Greens, however, tend to tell the truth behind the back of the person concerned. Therefore, others can perceive a Green as dishonest, even though their intention is only to avoid conflict. In general, Greens always expect the worst and therefore tend to lie low.

The difference between Greens and Blues is that while a Blue holds out for more facts about an issue, Greens expect everything to simply blow over, since they refuse to change their minds. They’ve made a decision about something and will not concede. Why? Because they don’t usually do that.

Young people still have things to learn about life in general. All impressions are not definitive. So what’s the problem? This young man has his own ideas about what is true and false. And wild horses couldn’t get him to change his mind. It may be something he heard from a friend or something he saw on television or something he picked up in school. When this knowledge or idea, irrespective of its source, has been established in his consciousness, it can’t be dislodged. It makes no difference how often his parents point out the facts or how tough they are when they present the evidence—his point of view is clear. It doesn’t even matter if they point out the danger in this or that way of thinking; he persists in his belief.

Think about it. You supply all the available facts, and the guy says that he understands. He agrees that it sounds logical. Other people could feasibly do it that way, with good results. But still, he’s not prepared to change his point of view. Some people would call this pigheadedness.

If this guy is told that he’ll get a terrific job if he just works a little harder at mathematics, it becomes true. If he got this info from his best mate, it simply has to be true. If a Green trusts in a particular individual, that individual’s word becomes law. This makes it easy to exploit Greens, because they can be a little naïve and gullible. And unfortunately, certain people take advantage of this fact.

Since Greens rarely make the first move and almost always allow others to step up first, you can easily get the impression that a Green is not especially interested or engaged. And often that’s the case. He is more passive than he is active, and this has an impact on his behavior. Not much is going on there. And what does it really matter? If you stay at home—nothing can really go wrong then, right? What Greens fail to see is that most other people want to do things. They assume that everyone thinks as they do and stays on the sofa. They are satisfied with doing nothing. Anything that upsets this standpoint becomes a threat. The result? Even more passivity.

Greens are reluctant to take a position on sensitive issues. They have just as many views and opinions as anyone else, but they don’t like shouting them from the rooftops. The reason is simple—it can cause a fuss. The consequence of this tendency is a rather abstruse manner of expressing themselves. Instead of saying, “That’s impossible,” they may respond with something like, “It appears that there are a few challenges in delivering that.” Sure, both statements mean the same thing: “We won’t manage to do it in time.” But by using a less direct means of expression, you take fewer risks. If you take a clear stance on something, then you have to stand up for it.

For a Green, it’s better to be safe than sorry. By expressing himself ambiguously, he avoids taking responsibility for the matter in question. He doesn’t have to risk his good name if he’s uncertain. If he hasn’t taken a position in support of something, he also hasn’t taken any position against something. You hear how illogical this sounds, right? But if you’re Green, you know exactly what I mean. A woman I met once said that she believed what everyone else believed.

Here we have the most difficult stumbling block. If you want to make changes in a group consisting of many Greens, good luck. If it’s a major change, you should consider whether it’s really worth the effort. If it’s urgent, you can forget the whole thing. This is what happens in the mind of a Green: • I know what I have but not what I’ll get. • It was better before. • I’ve never done this before. • The grass is not always greener on the other side. Sound familiar? Sure, not all changes are for the better, but let’s be reasonable! I’m not saying that it’s always wrong to express these sentiments, but when changes are really necessary it can be very dangerous.

This is the second major dilemma with Green behavior. They despise a squabble. This aversion to conflict also causes many other challenges, such as stubbornness, ambiguity, and resistance to change. Because Greens are pronounced relational people, nothing is more important to them than keeping a relationship together. The problem is that their method doesn’t work.

If there are any Reds or Yellows in the room, they will speak about their views on the proposal they’ve just seen. The Reds will love it or loathe it. The Yellows will speak about their own reflections on the proposal. One or two Blues might have a few questions. What do the Greens do? Absolutely nothing. They just lean back in their chairs and let themselves absorb the proposal. They say nothing at all unless asked a direct question. They look anxiously around, hoping that someone will say that this proposal is, in fact, an incomprehensible mess. The group is too large for them to trot out any dissenting opinions. To say something truly dramatic or negative would mean that everyone’s eyes will be on you, and that’s not going to happen. If they say what they are really thinking, a heated debate will erupt, and since a Green doesn’t want to take part in heated debates—he doesn’t even want to be in the same room as one—he simply keeps silent.

You can be certain that while you are standing at the coffee machine and maybe even while visiting the restroom the truth will come out. When Greens need to relieve the pressure of not speaking out, they talk behind your back. In small groups of two or three people, they will gladly vent their displeasure. And they’re good at it. As long as they think they can escape your gaze, they’ll backbite you in ways you would never expect from a Green.

Even perfectionist Blue individuals receive criticism. It can be about how they are perceived as evasive, defensive, perfectionist, reserved, fastidious, meticulous, hesitant, conservative, lacking independence, questioning, suspicious, tedious, aloof, and coldhearted. Ooph! The list of shortcomings found in these bastions of bureaucracy often tends to be quite long.

But mainly, Blues find it difficult to begin anything new because they want to prepare very thoroughly. Everything involves risks, and Blues can be almost obsessed with details. Never place too many Blues in the same group. They’ll plan into the next century without ever putting a shovel to the ground.

Furthermore, many Blues are perceived as highly critical and almost suspicious. They miss nothing, and they have a tendency to deliver their observations in an insensitive fashion. They create quality work, but their hairsplitting, critical approach to almost everything lowers the morale of those around them to dangerously low levels. These are people who c...

Blues want to have all the information on everything, and this can lead to problems with those around them. People who would be satisfied with good enough simply can’t cope with hearing all those questions and all this relentless poking into details. A Blue believes that good enough is never really good enough.

You’ve done it. I’ve done it. We’ve all done it. Gone up to a person who seems to be a decent fellow and started talking about this and that thinking you’re going to have a nice chat. After a while, you realize that you’re the one doing all the talking. If you have Yellow traits in your behavior, you may notice that there are strange pauses in the dialogue. If there really is a dialogue. You may notice that the other person fidgets a bit, signaling that he doesn’t want to be part of this conversation.

A Blue doesn’t need small talk. He can easily give the impression that he doesn’t care about other people, because he doesn’t cultivate any relationships. Sure, he cares, but his needs are on a different level than everyone else’s. He likes being in his own company and with immediate family.

The consequence is clear for those around him: They find him coldhearted and distant. That personal bubble is obvious, and it can be very chilly, particularly for Yellows and Greens. And so they call their Blue friend a bore. Blues can easily make us feel ill at ease. “Why is he so cold and dismissive? Doesn’t he care about me at all?”

There’s no limitation to how this knowledge can be applied. Understanding people will always remain a crucial factor in achieving your goals in life as smoothly as possible, no matter what these goals are. Take a look at the diagram on the next page. This isn’t a new model, but it says a lot about how theoretical knowledge is transformed into real competence. Reading a book is one thing—I’m glad that you are reading this one. It’s a great way to kick off your own learning, but it’s only the first step in learning something.

My mission is clear—I want more people to understand this method of classifying behavior. So much conflict could be avoided if we just understood why the people around us behave the way they do. I have nothing against conflict; it usually doesn’t bother me, because I know how to handle it. But when people tear down and destroy more than they build up, I believe that we should be able to find other ways forward. Life consists of so much more than learning from your mistakes. Some mistakes you can avoid altogether.

If on the one hand, you have a relaxed, natural but not slack posture, other people often get the impression that you are self-confidence. If on the other hand, you have a shrunken posture, it can be interpreted as resignation and disappointment. If you have an erect, somewhat wooden posture, people can believe that this is a signal of dominance; in other words, you demand respect from those around you. However, it could also be an indication that you were trained at a military academy.

We use our eyes for many different things. Shifty eyes generally suggest that the person in question would rather be somewhere else. Other people meet your gaze steadily, without even blinking. This creates a totally different impression. It’s said that liars can’t look you in the eye and they often shift their gaze to the side. But since this is commonly known even among liars, the worst of them have learned to stare you straight in the eyes when they are lying. So nothing is that obvious. (Someone who is repeatedly touching his neck is more often an indicator of a liar.) When something is awful or unpleasant, many lift their hands up to their faces. And when you need to think, you often close your eyes for a while.

When speaking, we usually either nod or shake our heads, depending on whether we agree or not. When we listen extra carefully to a discussion, we can lean our heads to one side. Hanging your head or wrinkling your forehead can signal sadness or depression. When we’re amazed at something, we often raise our eyebrows, while we turn up our noses at things we aren’t fond of. In your face alone forty-three different muscles are concealed, and these can be combined in countless ways.

Yes, this is a true classic. When greeting a person, how hard do you really have to shake his hand? A simple handshake can reveal a lot about a person. Limp and feeble handshakes often indicate a submissive behavior, so if you have such a handshake it might be a good idea to press a little harder. If a handshake is firm it probably suggests that a person is determined. Anyone who squeezes way too hard belongs more than likely to the former category but would prefer to belong to the latter. Clenched fists rarely mean good news, usually indicating aggressiveness. Certain nervous people pick at their clothes, removing hairs or threads. This often indicates they would rather focus their attention on other things. Holding your hands clasped behind your back often expresses power and security. Remember what I just said about lies? A more effective way to spot a liar is to notice if he puts the palm of his hand on his chest—preferably his right hand over his heart—and sighs indignantly when he’s been accused of lying. “Would I lie? How can you say that about me?” This gesture is intended to strengthen his honest intentions, but it immediately puts those around on their guard, because it is so unnecessary and excessive. There’s definitely something fishy going on there.

It’s very important that all people have their own personal space, as everyone needs an area that is his own. Among other things, this territory can be the distance you maintain from people when you’re speaking to them. The personal zone is generally a few feet and the social zone is three to ten feet. When we speak about the personal zone we mean the space when two people who know each other are communicating. “The social zone” refers to the space between strangers who are communicating. But this is very much dependent on the culture of the speakers. In the Nordic European region, for example, the personal zone is definitely larger than what someone from the Mediterranean would have.

Also, be prepared for a relatively limited use of gestures, but those gestures that do surface can be controlling and aggressive. Reds point at people very readily. The notion that it is rude to point at people isn’t something that particularly worries him. It’s also common that Reds point at you by stretching out their hand towards you with the palm facing down. If you want to give this a try, ask someone to point at you that way, and then think about how it feels.

You can also clearly see that Reds—of course they are not alone in this—are more than willing to interrupt you. They draw their breath continuously, hoping to find gaps in the conversation. If they have to wait too long to speak, they’ll throw themselves into the conversation with a loud voice and simply take over.

What about a Red’s tone of voice? It’s often strong. We hear these people clearly because they think nothing of raising their voices to make themselves heard—as much as it takes. Of course, even Reds can be nervous and worried about things, but usually you won’t hear this. Their voices won’t tremble that much. This is one of the secrets Reds have. No matter what’s happening behind the façade, Reds will sound convincing. No stammer, no hesitation. Finger on the trigger. If we don’t listen, they will repeat it one more time, but louder. In the end, they always get through.

As I mentioned earlier, Reds are always in a hurry. Quick equals good. Normally, this even applies to speech and actions. Everything happens at a furious pace. Because speed is the factor many Reds measure success by, it will be all go. And a couple of sharp changes when the course needs adjusting.

Some simple basics to keep in mind about Yellows. They: • are tactile • are relaxed and jocular • show friendly eye contact • use expressive gestures • often come close. A Yellow’s body language is often very open and inviting. Smiles appear constantly, even when there’s not much to smile about. They joke around a lot and can be very relaxed. When visiting a neighbor he doesn’t know that well, a Yellow may just stretch out on the sofa. But this is typical for Yellows. When a Yellow feels secure in any given situation, you can see it. He’s like an open book.

The similarity with Red behavior lies primarily in the tempo. Yellows move quickly and quite distinctively. They often radiate a strong self-confidence.

Personal space is a relative thing for Yellows. While some colors don’t like having people sit too close to them, Yellows will willingly move up very close. Yellows can spontaneously start hugging everyone around them. Man or woman, it doesn’t reall...

It’s not uncommon for others to recoil when this happens, which Yellows find very trying. But it’s not just that Yellows like hugging. It can also be a simple form of physical contact. A hand placed on an arm, a pat on the leg—with no ulterior motive. The Yellow just wants to reinforce what he’s said. What a Yellow perceives as something natu...

A Yellow’s tone of voice denotes a strong commitment from start to finish. You hear it from afar: Laughter, fun, intensity. Enthusiasm. Joy. Energy. Generally speaking, Yellows show empathy very clearly. They’re with you either 100 percent or not at all. And this can be heard in their voice. It goes up and down; it changes tempo, vigor, and intensity. Yellows often have a powerful melody in their way of speaking. No matter what emotion has seized the Yellow at the moment, it will be noticeable in his voice.

Tempo. Not quite the same rate of action as Reds, but a decidedly fast pace. Have you met anyone who, when in a hurry to say something, kind of stumbles over his words? Only half of them really come out as they should. You can surmise what is being said, but sometimes it’s incomprehensible. These are Yellows whose mouths simply can’t keep up with everything they have to say.

Greens are often—but not always—sluggish in body movement. When they’re completely harmonious, they have a relaxed body language that exudes calm and confidence. No impetuous movements, no sudden tossing of their heads or hands. Nice and easy.

Greens often have body language that gives them away. They try to hide their true feelings but don’t always succeed. If they’re out of balance or feel uncomfortable, it will be visible.

When sitting around a table, you can expect that Greens will tend to lean backwards. This is something of a paradox, as they don’t really have a problem getting close to people. Just like Yellows, they like to touch others. It’s fine as long as they know the person they are touching. Beware, however, of touching a Green who hasn’t given a clear sign that he knows you well enough. It’s easy to cross the line. They can be protective of their personal space.

Greens almost always have friendly faces. If not, then they’re quite neutral. Don’t expect any exaggerated smiles or overexuberant greetings. A little expectant, that’s it. But the difference will be huge if a Green knows you. If he thinks that you are good friends, he can be very intimate and friendly. If he feels that you have just met each other, well then, you just have to wait.

However, Blues normally look others straight in the eyes. They have no problem with eye contact, even if it makes others uncomfortable. VOICE Though not exactly weak, a Blue’s voice is restrained and subdued. They don’t make much of a fuss about themselves. Their impression tends to be controlled. It’s common for them to sound very pensive, as if weighing every word before it’s allowed to see the light of day.

Slow. At least if we compare it to others’. If we take a Red or even a Yellow, he’ll speak at the speed of sound. A Blue has a completely different pace. It will take as long as it takes. Speed is of no interest.

No system is perfect. There are always exceptions. This is just one piece in the jigsaw puzzle of human life. It’s certainly a large and important piece, but it’s far from the whole picture.

Remember what I told you about impatience in Red behavior, about their constant pursuit of (fast) results. When other people turn things over in their minds from morning to night, it drives a Red crazy. Thought and action are one. It has to be done quickly. If there’s anything Reds dislike, it’s endless discussion. It makes them flip out. Conclusion: If you want to adapt to a Red’s tempo—hurry up! Speed up! Speak and act more quickly. Look at the clock often, because that’s what a Red does. If you can conclude a meeting in half the time—do it! If you have a Red with you in the car, he won’t be upset if you’re a little bit over the speed limit. (If you drive too slowly, he might insist on taking the steering wheel.)

As is often the case with Reds, everyone else was the real cause of the problem. Although Reds are efficient at getting things done, they can also be quick to appoint scapegoats. Remember the competitive element that constantly lies in wait beneath the surface. My way of getting through to this man was to break the whole thing down into tiny pieces and point to specific examples.