Can't Text This (Texting, #3)

by Teagan Hunter

“Is Uncle Zach dying?” Xavie calls out from the living room. “We hope so! I think I’m in his will.” “Yay, money!”

I am a disgusting, shameless man. But a very prompt, disgusting shameless man.

I didn’t finish things with Monty, and if there’s one thing I am in life, it’s a finisher.

Python: That’s not noise, Monty. That’s a fucking beautiful, chaotic symphony.

Python: Did you get it? Pudding = love juice and cookie = love canal.

Delia lets out a yawn as she slides into the kitchen. “Good morning, boys. I heard you exchanging ‘I love yous’, by the way.” She shakes her phone at Zach. “I recorded it for future blackmail.” I blink at my best friend. “You’re dating the devil, you know that, right?”

S-E-X-U-M-E-N-T: a fun, flirty argument that’s bound to lead to sex.

Python: I think I just compared my dick to a pencil, and we both know it’s more like a Pringles can.

“I’ll kill him,” she says. “I’ll do it. I have no problem going to jail for my girl. I bet I can make a mean shank.”