Can't Text This (Texting, #3)

by Teagan Hunter

I want to push him away and pull him closer all at once. Push because this isn’t me. This isn’t who I am. I don’t lash out with sharp words, and I sure as hell don’t make out with strangers in bathrooms. Pull because I don’t think kissing could ever get better than this. There’s also a little dose of shame. “I’m not usually this…forward with guys.”

Bathroom makeout with a guy she just met....

“You have the most kissable lips I’ve ever seen in my entire life, and I want to kiss them.” I grabbed her hand and led her back to the women’s bathroom, knowing the men’s was a disaster, and lifted her onto the countertop. “You wanna kiss me?” She nodded. “Then kiss me, Monty.” Holy fuck did she kiss me.

Well at least he took her to the ladies. Great line about "kissable lips".

In a weird turn of events, I met Zach the same night I got my ex-girlfriend pregnant. I ran into the back of his way-too-expensive car at the stoplight outside a strip club. Instead of being mad, Zach took me inside and bought me a lap dance because he’d had a good damn day at work. Sure, it was only one of those eighteen-plus clubs, and it was only four in the afternoon on a random Thursday so the best of the best wasn’t in the lineup,

Funny meeting story.

“Dad, Uncle Zach said ass. You said I couldn’t say ass. Why does he get to say it?” He walks back into the kitchen and sets his plate on the counter, then rolls his sleeves up before getting to work rinsing his plate and putting it in the dishwasher.

Littlr ears are ALWAYS listening

Me: I’m sorry if you hoped for more, but I’m not a random hookup kind of gal. Python: What makes you assume I’m a random hookup kind of guy? What makes you assume you’re not my type? Because of the way I look? Tsk, tsk. So judgy, Monty. Python: For the record, I’ve had random hookups in the past and they didn’t work out in my favor (i.e., I got a girl pregnant). Me: You’re a father? Python: I am. Me: I…I did not see that coming. Python: Is it a bad thing? Me: No, not at all! I love kids.

Well they got the awkward hook-up conversation & fatherhood out there.

I gave in easily, only because I wanted Marshmallow snuggles. The pygmy goat is the only one who likes me out of the three. Milk Chocolate and Graham Cracker snub me every time I try to get close, the little shits. As if he knows I’m thinking about him being my favorite, Marshy snuggles into me closer, and I run my hand down his back. At least someone loves me.

Aww goat cuddles.

“Um, allow me to chime in here right quick.” Zach points to Xavie. “You are not allowed to stay here…ever. Not again.” Xavie’s bottom lip begins to tremble. “W-Why not?” “Because you shat on my bed, that’s why.” “I sharted!” “I know!” Zach hollers back. “And it got all over my bed.” “I didn’t do it on purpose!” “No one sharts on purpose, Xavie. No one.” “What if I promise not to shart again?”

LOL shart in his bed.

Delia takes his spot on the couch and shrugs. “He’s your best friend.” “He’s your boyfriend!” She sighs. “Don’t remind me.” “Xavie thinks Zach hung the moon. Maybe we should let him claim the doof.” “I’m pretty sure your son still eats his own boogers, Robbie—is he really the best judge of character?” “Hey! I don’t eat my boogers!” He slides his eyes sideways, which is his tell. Kid will probably dig one out on the car ride home and stick it to the seat or some shit. “Anymore.”

ROFL great exchange. Yes Zach is a doof.

With one last glance at Robbie, the employee nods. “If you’ll come with me, please.” I fall in step behind him, only sparing Robbie one last look before I’m carted off to buy the most uncomfortable shoes in the world because he just had to drag me outside in them.

I'd make Robbie pay for the shoes. LOL

Denver has shoulder-length dark brown hair and skin that doesn’t burn after she’s in the sun for five minutes, while I’m stuck with red locks that come down to just above my butt and a complexion so pale Casper thinks I’m his doppelganger.

Absolute opposits

“Can’t we share her? Please?” I beg. “I’ll come over and walk her and change her litter box, whatever you need.” “First, you don’t walk bunnies. Second, having someone to help with the litter box might not be a bad idea… Third, are you planning for our future, Monty?” Robbie’s flirty grin has me blushing and fighting the urge to duck my head and hide behind my hair. Instead, I laugh off his comment. “I’m planning my future with Thumbelina. You’d just be a bonus.” I can tell he likes my answer. I like my answer, no matter how much it scares me.

Aww cute banter.

“My thigh.” Her eyes make a slow perusal, and don’t think I don’t notice how much time she spends staring at my hard dick. She bends down to see better and of course my little man jumps at the movement, thinking she’s coming down to play. Chill, junior. “Poseidon.” “Why?” “You ask a lot of questions.” “I’ve been told that before.” “Because he’s god of the sea, and there’s nothing as alluring or terrifying as the sea. I love it.” She glances up at me. “You’re a complicated man, Robert Cross.”

More art to check out. "My little man" LOL what happened to the python?

“We did, but…we kind of had this deal.” “Deal? What kind of deal?” “A ‘bang plan’.” “Shut the fuck up. No you didn’t.” “It was your idea!” “What?” he shouts incredulously. “How?” “You said we needed to bang to ‘get it out of our system’. So, we did.” “I didn’t mean like a wham-bam sort of thing. I was thinking of a relationship, you taking the first steps to forming a real, healthy relationship with someone new.” “I… Well, shit. I did not take your advice that way. We made plans to hit it and quit it to scratch the itch, then move on with our lives.” Zach raises one of his bushy brows. “Am I that type of guy? No? Didn’t think so. Why would I ever hand out that kind of advice?” “Because I’m one of those guys,” I argue.

A bang plan... "face slap".

“You love me so damn much that you went out and bought a bunny so I’d stop making unannounced visits to your place, right?” “First, who in their right mind is actually afraid of bunnies? Bunnies! The most innocent creatures ever.” “Hey, Marshy resents that remark!” I roll my eyes. “Second, you leave Thumbelina Bruce Wayne out of this. She’s done nothing wrong.” “Except plot my demise. I can see it in her beady little eyes. She’s out to get me.” “You’re deranged.”

Zach is afraid of a tiny cinnamon coloured bunny... LOL

Python: He still bugging you? Python: DOWNLOAD ATTACHMENT I gasp so loudly three patrons at the bar look my way. I don’t care, not even a little bit. My face is on fire as I stare down at the screen. Me: ROBERT CROSS. WHAT IN THE… Me: I think I may faint. Me: THAT IS YOUR WIENER!

Dick pic LOL ya that would scare others away.

A ping sounds in my ear and I pull the phone away to see I have a text from Robbie. “Did you just text me?” “Nope. Wasn’t me.” “Hang on.” I swipe my notification bar down to see it’s an image. “What did you send me?” “I have no idea what you’re talking about.” I pull the phone away from my face again and open the text. Then promptly burst into laughter. “Oh my gosh, did you just use your bunny to ask me to go steady with you?” “I have no goddamn shame, Monty, not when it comes to you.” He pauses briefly before whispering, “Say yes.” “Yes,” I reply without hesitation. “A-Are you…” He trips over his words. “Are you sure?”

OMG he's totally using the bunny to win her over.

“No way! I won fair and square. Didn’t I, Mrs. Andrews?” There it is. The confirmation I needed. Monty Andrews, the girl I’m steadily falling for—the one I just asked to be my girlfriend last night—is my son’s teacher. Fuck. Me.

LOL of course Monty is his son's teacher.

How in the fuck is this happening right now? “How come we never talked about this?” The words tumble from her mouth so fast I almost miss what she says. “I mean, in all the conversations we’ve had together, how did none of this ever come up?” I shrug. “We made assumptions and stuck to them.” “I’ve never been one to make assumptions.” “You also weren’t the kind of person to make out with a stranger in the bathroom, but you did.” “I did.” She smacks a hand to her forehead, the other clutching her stomach. “I take one step out of my comfort zone and this happens. Karma, that’s what this is—for leaving my family, for not following rules, for—” I grab her pacing form, stilling her movements. “Stop. You’re making me dizzy.”

Karma strikes yet again.

I love you just the way you are.” His back goes ramrod straight as he realizes the words he just spoke. His lips part as if he’s going to say something else, but nothing comes out. I wait. And wait and wait and wait. He doesn’t say anything. Neither do I. It does nothing to counteract the way my heart begins to beat faster and faster. Love. He said it. He knows he said it. I know he said it. Yet, we ignore it.

OMG he said the "L" word!!!

The singer moves seamlessly into his next number, Can’t Help Falling in Love. If Robbie feels me stiffen in his arms, he doesn’t show any sign of it. “Did you…” I lick at my dry lips, trying again. “Did you ask him to play this?” “No,” he says quietly in my ear. But I don’t believe him. There’s something in his voice…it’s different, not as sure and sturdy as it usually is.

Sigh ** my fav Elvis song.

“You’re that thing I never knew I wanted until I had it. You’re fun and adventure and temptation all wrapped into one, and I want to give in to you so badly.”

Aww beautiful

He finally turns away, getting lost in the crowd, and I should be happy the shithead is finally leaving. But I can’t be, because everything just changed for us in a big way. He’s Monty’s coworker. And last year he was my son’s teacher. He knows exactly who I am, and he knows what we were doing in that photo booth.

Oh no they are so busted. What happened to the photos?

“You’re worth more than that, Robbie—so much more.” Her words hit the center of my chest and it knocks the breath out of me. “How can you even say that?” “Because I love you, you dumbass.” I rear back at her words. My perfect, girl-next-door, goody-two-shoes Monty…she just cussed. And it sounded as absolutely ridiculous as I thought it would. Laughing, I push my forehead against hers again. “Yeah?” “Yes—so much.” “Good, because I love you too.” I seal my lips to hers again, and this time I don’t stop.

Crying now...