I've never been (Un)happier

by Shaheen Bhatt

to trace the genesis of a feeling, especially a negative one. When you can identify the source of your sadness, you walk into the feeling armed with an understanding of and familiarity with yourself.

All of a sudden this person, who was such a huge part of our lives, was gone forever and no amount of bargaining or wishful thinking would ever bring her back.

A person experiencing their first depressive episode is more likely to attempt suicide, while someone who has lived through a few cycles has more or less learned how to cope with them, and more importantly recognized that they eventually end.

Consciousness makes us human, and there seems to be general agreement that consciousness as we know it is unlikely to exist beyond death, that

the curiosity we would satisfy will not exist by the time it is answered. When I have wished to be dead and wondered what it would be like to be dead, I have also recognized that to be dead would defeat the wondering.’

Syl is always there to remind me that death is coming for me and everyone around me. Syl lurks in the shadowy parts of my mind, keeping up a running commentary that centres around my impending annihilation.

When describing our emotions, words can only take us so far, yet words are all we have.

The drawback of using language as much as we do—as our dominant method of interaction with the world, those around us and even ourselves—is that we sometimes forget how limited the code of language is.

that finding the right therapist, like finding the right relationship, can take a great deal of patience and willingness to occasionally be disappointed.

The truth is someone is never going to fully understand how you feel unless they’ve been through the same thing (sometimes not even then, and they’re certainly not going to understand if you don’t explain it to them), and it is not their responsibility to cure you of your sadness. And that’s okay—it’s a survivable reality—but it’s a reality that takes time and effort to come to terms with.