I've never been (Un)happier

by Shaheen Bhatt

‘And why should you fit into the parameters of some made-up definition of normalcy?’ he continued, as my brow furrowed in thought. ‘You’re exhausted because you’re always pretending to be something you’re not. You’re constantly trying to reach this non-existent, ideal state of emotional well-being. It’s not real. You’re being set up to fail.’

‘Take off the mask. You aren’t happy? Fine, you aren’t happy. One day you will be. And then you’ll be sad again. Accept that and stop wasting your energy chasing something that doesn’t exist. You can’t spend your life feeling bad about feeling bad.’

This realization for me was the beginning of genuine acceptance, and the more I thought about it, the more I realized that most of our problems in life stem from the quest for permanence. In this age of instant gratification we want everything in our lives to come without an expiry date. We want everything to be permanent—relationships, love, beauty, youth, happiness. But the truth is permanence is an illusion, and like everything else in life happiness also comes and goes. Trying to be happy forever is like trying to stop water from slipping through your fingers. It’s not possible, and the only way forward is to realize and accept it. The only permanent fixture in life is change. Change. Change. Change.

I chose to accept pain, even though I hated it. Pain, up to a certain degree, is good. Discomfort is not a bad thing, and it’s one of the few emotional states that encourages growth. Physical exercise involves discomfort, but it’s an example of a good sort of pain. Pain that helps you grow. Mental and psychological aches—to a certain extent—are good for you in a similar way. It doesn’t feel great while it’s happening but you are better for having lived through it.

power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

I am who I am in the now, and I have to work my life around that. That isn’t giving up; it’s adjusting to the reality of my condition and giving myself a higher chance of living a successful life by not chasing after unrealistic goals.

‘You must not allow your pain to be wasted, Shaheen,’ my father once said to me. I chant that quietly to myself—‘My pain must not be wasted,’ I say—and I try to learn, I try to do.

I remind myself if happiness is fleeting, then so is sadness.

I remind myself depression is the weather, and I’m a weather-worn tree. I remind myself even the worst storms pass. I remind myself I’ve survived them all.