I've never been (Un)happier

by Shaheen Bhatt

‘Though my soul may set in darkness, it will rise in perfect light; I have loved the stars too fondly to be fearful of the night’

I want to separate. To isolate myself from everyone around me. I want to stop being looked at. I want freedom from the concern of people. Freedom from their love. I haven’t felt like this in a long time. This broken. This watched. I haven’t wanted out like this in a long time. I want out right now. No more. Not one more second of it. Enough. I won’t do it though. Never. But I want it.

Your pain, like your fingerprints, is unique to you. In other words, you can buy happiness off the rack—but sadness is tailor-made just for you.

As Chuck Palahniuk’s Tyler Durden so poetically put it in Fight Club: ‘We’re the middle children of history. No purpose or place. We have no Great War. No Great Depression. Our Great War’s a spiritual war … our Great Depression is our lives. We’ve all been raised on television to believe that one day we’d all be millionaires, and movie gods, and rock stars. But we won’t. And we’re slowly learning that fact. And we’re very, very pissed off.’

‘Take off the mask. You aren’t happy? Fine, you aren’t happy. One day you will be. And then you’ll be sad again. Accept that and stop wasting your energy chasing something that doesn’t exist. You can’t spend your life feeling bad about feeling bad.’