The Montessori Toddler: A Parent's Guide to Raising a Curious and Responsible Human Being

by Simone Davies

Toddlers are misunderstood humans. People see toddlers as difficult. There are not many good examples of how to be with toddlers in a loving, patient, supportive way.

Toddlers live in the present moment.

When we spend time with a toddler, they show us how to be present. They are focused on the here and now.

Toddlers pick things up effortlessly.

They know how to be themselves. They don’t doubt themselves. They do not judge others. We would do well to learn from them.

The Montessori approach is neither permissive nor bossy. Instead, it teaches parents to be calm leaders for our children.

Toddlers prefer things to be exactly the same every day—the same routine, things in the same place, and the same rules. It helps them understand, make sense of their world, and know what to expect.

When limits are not consistent, toddlers will keep testing them to see what we decide today. If they find it works to nag or melt down, they will try again. This is called intermittent reinforcement.

Toddlers are not giving us a hard time. They are having a hard time. I love this idea (attributed to educator Jean Rosenberg in the New York Times article “Seeing Tantrums as Distress, Not Defiance”). When we realize their difficult behavior is actually a cry for help, we can ask ourselves, How can I be of help right now? We move from feeling attacked to searching for a way to be supportive.

Toddlers need time to process what we are saying. Instead of repeatedly telling our child to put on their shoes, we can count to ten in our head to allow them time to process our request. Often, by the time we get to eight, we’ll see them start to respond.

When we allow more time, set things up for success, and lower our expectations of the outcome, we teach our young child a lot about being a contributing member of the family.

In a Montessori approach, we see the child as their own person on their own unique path. We support them as their guide and gentle leader. They aren’t something to be molded into what we see as their potential or to make up for our own experiences or unfulfilled desires as a child.

In her writing, Dr. Montessori reiterates that the objective of Montessori education is not to fill a child with facts, but to cultivate their own natural desire to learn.

The discoveries children make for themselves—particularly within a prepared environment—build wonder in the child and a love of learning. They do not need to be directed to explore the environment.

When the toddler starts to mimic us—parroting certain words—we know they are in a sensitive period for language, and we can focus on giving the child new and familiar vocabulary for them to practice.

If a toddler is interested in climbing on the table, they are likely in a sensitive period for movement and need to practice those skills. Instead of allowing them to climb on furniture, we can create an obstacle course with pillows, blankets, things to balance on, and things to climb.

At home, we can give them freedom to choose what they want to wear (as long as it’s appropriate for the season), the freedom to make their own snack (as long as they sit down to eat), and the freedom to express themselves (as long as they do not hurt others or objects in the home).

Through independence the child learns how to be responsible for caring for themselves, others, and the environment.

Montessori activities usually target one skill. For example, putting a ball into a box through a small hole allows the child to master this one skill. This differs from many traditional plastic toys that target multiple skills at the same time, with one part for pushing, one part where a ball drops, another part that makes a noise, and so on.

We also prefer to use natural materials. Toddlers explore with all their senses. Natural materials like wood are lovely to touch and generally safe for putting in their mouths, and the weight of the object is more likely to be directly related to its size.

Activities are often organized in individual trays and baskets. Within each tray or basket is everything the child needs to complete the task by themselves. For example, if the activity involves water, we may want to include a sponge or hand mitt to clean up any spills.

Children gain mastery of an activity through repetition. The activity should be exactly at their level—challenging enough that it is not too easy yet not so difficult that they give up.

A child has the freedom to choose an activity. Our spaces are set up to encourage this freedom of choice by displaying a limited number of activities that they are working to master.

Let them choose the activity they are interested in and try it for as long as they can without interfering. Even if they drop something, we can sit on our hands to see if they will react and pick it up themselves. When we see that they are struggling and getting frustrated, we can step in and say, “Watch,” and then show them, slowly, for example, how to turn the lid of the jar. Then we can step back again to see how they manage.

Avoid talking as we demonstrate—otherwise the child won’t know whether to look at us while we talk or watch our hands.

If our child is interested in opening and closing, collect old jars and rinse them out so our child can practice taking the lids on and off. Use old wallets or purses with different clasps. Hide some fun things inside for them to discover.

Undo the activity. A completed activity is less attractive to a toddler than one that has been left undone. Disassemble the activity before returning it to the shelf. Place the pieces in a bowl to the left (say, puzzle pieces) and the activity to the right (the empty puzzle base). Tracking the movement from left to right is indirect preparation for reading.

Another way to work a child’s hands is to provide opportunities for them to open and close various containers. • Use old purses with clasps, empty jars, containers with press stud fasteners, wallets with zippers, and so on. I hide different objects inside for the child to find—a small toy baby, a die, a spinning top, a key ring with the ring removed, etc.

Starting around 18 months, toddlers become interested in sorting objects by color, type, and size. Supply a group of objects (or even better, find them with the child at the beach, in the forest, or in the garden). Place them in a large bowl to sort into smaller bowls. A container with compartments would also be perfect for a sorting activity.

By the time our child is around 18 months, they may be able to fit some simple shapes into the puzzle base. • The young toddler can start with simple three-to-five-piece puzzles with large knobs. Even if the child is unable to put the pieces back, they are refining their fine-motor development. In this case, I would step in to model putting the pieces back so they can repeat the process of taking them out. • From about 18 months, the child can move on to nine-piece puzzles with smaller knobs or no knobs. •

Examples of musical instruments that are suitable for toddlers: • Instruments to shake, such as maracas, tambourines, gourds, and shakers • Instruments to strike with a mallet, such as a xylophone, drum, or tone block • Instruments that you blow into, such as a harmonica or recorder • Music boxes where we turn a handle to make a tune

We can also think about how to incorporate movement inside our home, space permitting. In my classroom we have a climbing wall. The young children start to pull up on the lower holds; as they get to around 2 years old, they climb with some support from an adult, and it is not long before they are able to hold their own weight and climb independently. Every muscle of their bodies is hard at work. Children also like to hide, so think about creating spaces with blankets and chairs, hammocks, and tents.

Here are some ways children can help around the home: • Plant care—watering the plants, dusting the leaves, planting seeds, arranging flowers in small vases (using a small funnel and small pitcher to fill the vase with water) • Food preparation—washing vegetables, beating eggs, scooping their own cereal out of a small container and adding milk from a small jug • Snack time—helping themselves to food from an accessible snack area (which we restock daily with the help of our child, putting out only as much as we are happy for them to eat), peeling and slicing fruit, spreading topping on crackers, squeezing orange juice, pouring water to drink from a small jug

Mealtimes—setting and clearing the table, washing dishes • Baking—taking turns, measuring ingredients, helping to add ingredients, stirring • Cleaning—sweeping, dusting, wiping spills, cleaning windows, polishing mirrors • Caring for pets—feeding the pet, helping to walk the dog, filling up a water bowl • Learning to care for themselves—blowing nose, brushing hair and teeth, washing hands • Dressing themselves—taking socks on and off, fastening Velcro shoes, putting on a T-shirt, pulling trousers up and down, putting on a coat (learn the coat flip), practicing opening and closing zippers/snaps/buttons/shoelaces

Helping with the laundry—bringing dirty clothes to the laundry basket, putting clothes in and taking them out of the washing machine, adding soap, sorting the clean clothes • Getting ready for overnight visitors—making the beds, putting out a clean towel for the guests, putting away toys • Trips to the supermarket—making a list with pictures, getting things from the shelves, helping to push the shopping cart, passing things to us to put on the checkout counter, carrying bags of groceries, putting groceries away at home • Volunteer work—It’s never too early to set the example of helping others. When my children were young, one of our weekly outings was to a local nursing home where we would ...

Focus on the process, not the result. When the child helps, the task will take longer and the result may not look perfect, but the child is learning to master these skills and will become a lifelong helper at home.

Look for baskets, trays, and simple caddies to arrange items for them to help, for example, to keep all the window-cleaning items together at the ready.

We don’t have to spend a lot of money. Keep it budget friendly by creating activities with things around the home. And look out for a few nice things like a wooden broom or a larger item like a learning tower to add to a list for birthdays and other special occasions.

12 to 18 months KITCHEN • Pour glass of water or milk using small jug—use small amount of liquid to avoid large spills • Add milk to cereal • Scoop cereal into bowl • Wipe up spills with hand mitt • Take plate to kitchen • Drink from a glass BATHROOM • Brush hair • Brush teeth with assistance • Wash hands • Pack away bath toys • Fetch and hang up towel BEDROOM • Fetch diaper/underwear • Put dirty clothes in laundry basket • Open curtains • Choose between two options for clothing • Get dressed with assistance • Take off socks OTHER • Help put toys away • Fetch shoes • Help the parent (for example, “Can you bring me the watering can, please?”) • Turn light switch on/off

18 months to 3 years KITCHEN • Prepare a snack/sandwich • Peel and slice a banana • Peel a mandarin orange • Peel and cut an apple with assistance • Wash fruits and vegetables • Make orange juice • Set the table/clear the table • Wipe the table • Sweep the floor—use a dustpan and brush • Make coffee for parent (push buttons on coffee machine/fetch cup and saucer) BATHROOM • Blow nose • Brush teeth • Wash body—use small travel-sized soap bottles to minimize waste • Clean face BEDROOM • Help to make bed by pulling up cover • Choose clothes • Get dressed with little help OTHER • Arrange flowers in small vases • Pack and carry bag/backpack • Put on coat • Put on shoes with Velcro closure • Water plants • Put toys into baskets and return them to shelf • Clean windows • Load/unload washing machine and dryer • Sort socks and clothing by color • Fetch products in supermarket/push cart/help unpack groceries • Dust • Put leash on dog and brush dog

Paint and chalk are also fun for toddlers. For younger toddlers, we may wish to only put out paint when we are able to supervise. Again, have wet cloths at the ready for wiping hands, the floor, or the board. • Clay, play dough, and kinetic sand are lovely creative mediums for toddlers. We can add some simple tools like a rolling pin, cookie cutters, a blunt knife, or shaping tools to manipulate the material in many ways. I love making play dough with them, too.

Also, because toddlers are mostly still just making movements of self-expression, we can ask, “Would you like to tell me about your painting?” rather than “What is it?” It may not be a picture of anything in particular but may simply be an expression of the movements in their body.

To help toddlers grow their desire to learn words, we can put together vocabulary baskets for them to explore. These baskets have objects classified by theme: items from the kitchen; Australian animals; tools; or musical instruments. This makes it easy for our child to learn new words in a group of familiar objects.

point it out in a fun way. “Do bears really go to the library? Noooo. How interesting.

The adults in the environment are a child’s primary source of language, so we can use any moment during our day to describe what we are doing. This could be anything from walking outside to getting dressed in the morning to cooking dinner. Use rich language, giving the proper words for the things we find, like the names of dogs, vegetables, food, vehicles, trees, and birds.

stop what we are doing, look them in the eye, let them take as long as they need,

BAKING Toddlers can help to add ingredients that we have measured, mix ingredients with a wooden spoon, knead dough, use cookie cutters, and decorate baked goods. And yes, they also can help us with tasting the finished product. From 12 months.

WINDOW CLEANING It is amazing how toddlers are able to manage squeezing a spray bottle to clean the windows—the repeated movement is great for their hand strength. Then they can wipe the windows from top to bottom with a squeegee and use a cloth to dry them. We can use water or add some vinegar to make the windows sparkle. From 18 months.

If we are new to the Montessori approach, we can start with the toys we already have in our homes—keep out our child’s favorites, donate the ones that are no longer being used, and put some toys into storage that we will rotate later.

The first step is to reduce the number of toys, books, and arts and crafts materials, and the general mess that accumulates in our homes. Place into a box the activities and toys our child is not using very often or things they are finding too difficult. This box can be stored for now; we can rotate and reintroduce these activities when our child needs a new challenge. Place into a second box items that are for younger children, activities that they do not use anymore or are too easy. Find a new home for them or keep them aside for a younger sibling. Keep out just the few things the child is using a lot. It’s about continually finding the right number of activities to keep the toddler engaged without holding on to ones that no longer capture their interest.