Fall (VIP, #3)

by Kristen Callihan

“You said you weren’t going to fall in love.” His gaze moves over my face before meeting my eyes. “I walked out on you that night because I knew that if I could fall for anyone, it would be for you.” John rests his forehead against mine, and his lids lower. “I’ve never been in love. The idea of it scares the shit out of me, and I keep telling myself all the reasons we shouldn’t be together. But when I’m actually faced with walking away? After what we did on the couch? No.” He shakes his head. “Fuck no. I can’t do it. I want to try with you.”

“Call it selfish, but I want the experience of dating, that anticipation of working up to sex while getting to know you better. Because you are too important to turn into something as simple as casual sex. I don’t want to lose you to that.”

“Shhh!” I swear, I’m freaking sweating. “Quiet.” Stella rolls her eyes. “My God, you’re acting like an agitated cat.” I glare down my nose at her. “Did you not notice the actual swords hanging over our heads right now?” Hank has a collection of them. Along with a fair number of hunting knives. He made sure to show them to me. Her cheeks plump. “They’re only for decoration.” “Uh-huh. Sure, they are. Tell me, Button, you ever bring a guy over here? Are their bodies buried in the garden?” “You’re the first. But I’ll be sure to tell your story if you don’t make it out.” “Your concern is touching. Really.”

“John?” “Yeah?” I toy with her satiny hair, twisting a strand around my finger. “If we don’t fuck each other’s brains out when we get home, I’m going to have to kill you.” I stiffen for a second, then burst out laughing, trying to keep it low. She squeezes my side, and I lean further into her. “Fuck yeah, we are, Button.” Like that, I’m counting down the minutes.

“Oh, angel, everything leading up to this has already been better than anything I’ve ever experienced. You could do your worst and it would still be my best.”

“Let me spell this out in simple terms so you’ll understand: do not touch my hair or you will lose a finger.”

“Have I told you how much it turns me on when you’re grumpy?” “No. But you’re a twisted individual, so I’m not surprised.”

“If that’s what performing for you gets me,” I tell her on a rasp, “I’ll do it every damn day for the rest of our lives.” She gives a thready chuckle. “Deal.”

“Stella Button, the moment you ripped that ice cream out of my hand, you knocked me off-balance. All I could do was fall.”

“I’m with you, Button. Whatever happens, I’m always with you.”

“Jax gets the ’69 Rolex. He’ll like that number, and he needs to know that the one thing we can’t hold back is time.”

“I cannot chase you,” I say woodenly. God, the pain keeps growing. The hurt. “I’ve chased down people who were supposed to love me all my life. I can’t do that anymore.” A fist of feeling lodges itself behind my breastbone, and I swallow hard. “I shouldn’t have to.” He stops then and looks at me, looks through me. His expression is set and distant. “That’s my point. You shouldn’t have to deal with this, with me.” “I don’t know how to make you see how wrong you are,” I whisper.

“Why did you guys break up?” The room before me blurs. I bite the inside of my lip so hard it hurts. “Because I wasn’t what he needed.” “Somehow,” Killian says, “I doubt that, Stella.”

“So, what’s up with the curbside abduction?” “I’m taking you home with me,” Brenna says. God, a pity pickup. I should have known. Even though my insides are shaking, I force a light tone. “You’re hot and all, but unfortunately, I don’t swing that way.” Sophie snorts. But Brenna simply eyes me. “That’s too bad. You’ve got the whole good girl just waiting to be corrupted vibe going on.” “It’s a front. I was always corrupted.” And then John broke me by making me believe in forever.

“Some things don’t work out, no matter how much you want them to.”

Funny how the more you care about things, the harder it is to shrug off regrets.

“No one reacts perfectly. Don’t try to. I’m just over being the elephant in the room. Let it go, man. Treat me like before.” I glance his way and smirk. “Be the dickhead you used to be instead of the dickhead holding this shit between us.”

“Holy hell, mate, how do you even know what to do?” “Trial by fire.” Scottie smiles thinly. “Only the strong survive.” I take back every dad joke I’ve made about Scottie. He deserves a medal.

“You two have a tiny dictator in your midst. Throw down some tough love and say no once in a while.” Sophie and Scottie burst out laughing. They keep laughing until Felix smiles around the edges of his dummy, and Sophie wipes a tear from her eye. “Oh, that was good. I needed that.” “Har.” But I’m smiling too. “Can you say it again?” Scottie pulls out his phone. “I want to record it for future use on the off chance you decide to have kids.”

Slowly, I reach out and gently tuck back a lock of her hair that’s been dangling over her eyes. I need to see those eyes; they hold my world.

“I don’t need you to fix me, Stella. I need you for everything else. I need your smiles, your laughter. I need you to be my best friend, my lover, my all. I need to take care of you, touch your skin, make you dinner, give you pleasure whenever you’re in need.” I lean in, emotion clogging my throat. “You are the best thing that has ever happened to me, and I’d happily spend the rest of my life trying to be the best thing that has ever happened to you too.”

“You know,” she says brokenly, “Maddy told me a story about her husband. She’d rejected him, you see.” I shake my head, because I don’t see. But she keeps talking. “She said he’d call her every night. He’d ask her one question. Was it worth it? Being without him,” Stella explains. “Was it worth it?” She’s not talking about Maddy anymore. I clear my throat, but my voice is still a thick rasp. “Was it?” “I know how to be alone,” she says. “I’ve done it more than half my life. I can do it again.”

“Is being with you worth living with the fear of eventually losing you?” “You won’t lose me. You won’t.” I kiss the damp corner of her eye, just once because I can’t help myself, and taste her tears. “I can’t promise you perfection. I’m a moody bastard sometimes. I’ll have down days. But I tried living without you, and it was the worst feeling of my life. You’re part of me, Stella.” My fist thumps against my chest where it still feels hollow and incomplete. “You live here. Always.”

“Perfection is a myth. I’m not remotely perfect. If you love someone, you have to be willing to accept the flaws as well. I was walking away when it hit me that you don’t know how to trust either. Yet here you are, wanting to try again.”

For him, I’ll wait as long as it takes, for however long he needs—because he is always worth it.

“But it’s not a home if you aren’t with me.”