Fall (VIP, #3)

by Kristen Callihan

Nope, he definitely can’t be stalking me. Guys like him never look at girls like me.

I’ve been overlooked by guys like him my whole life. All the way back to first grade when little Peter Bondi chased all the girls for a kiss—except me2.

Stella Grey might be an average girl, sporting wild hair and possessing a butt that’s seen too many cookies, but she is no wuss.

feel so damn lonely that my body shakes.

He’d flirted with me as if maybe he’d been attracted to me the way I am to him, unwillingly but completely. Which makes me a fool; he was just having fun pushing my buttons.

I’m not supposed to like him anymore. I made a vow, damn it. But when he looks at me as though I’m the best thing he’s seen all day, it’s hard not to smile back.

“Your body should be a privilege, not a product.”

I haven’t gone out on a date in months because I form attachments, I get emotional, and then I hurt when they inevitably leave. And this man will leave.

And damn it, I want to crawl into a hole and hide. Because I had thought John liked me. I’d honestly started to believe that there was something between us. But he ran out and left me without looking back. I don’t know what to think anymore.

If the choice is to have Stella in my life without sex, or fuck her and leave her, I will pick celibacy with Stella every time. But how do I expose my soul, as flawed as it is, and have any hope that she’d want me too?

Though, really, despite the fact that he’s a consummate flirt, I don’t think he sees me as a conquest. Guys like Jax Blackwood don’t hesitate. They go for what they want without fear. As much as it pains me to admit, I admire that about him. I laugh at myself as I towel dry my hair and then head out to the living room. The only truth I need to know is that he’d backed away from me the other night as if I had a contagious disease. I’m in no danger of things going any further than they are now. The thought is still with me, pulling a melancholy smile to my lips, when I join him in the main room.

He smiles. “God, you’re adorable.” “Like a wiggly puppy,” I say under my breath, then shake my head, pushing a bright expression.

Pay me to be his friend? He might as well have pulled out a scythe and cut the legs out from under me. I’ve dealt with this before, getting close to someone who ends up seeing me not as a true friend but as something less than. Honestly, I’ve dealt with this enough times that I have the standard, “Yeah, sure. Let’s schedule something” answer down pat.

“There is nothing wrong with you,” he rasps, attempting to grasp my shoulders. I evade him again. “But there has to be. There has to be a reason I have no friends, why no one stays. And that reason is me.”

He lets out a slow breath, his shoulders slumping. “Okay, Button. I’m going. I …” He frowns. “I’m sorry. Will you please come see me when you’re ready?”

That might be true. But while Stella is hurting, nothing feels right.

I don’t know why he doesn’t leave me, but am afraid to ask in case I give him ideas. Doesn’t matter; he stays. He stays, and he has no idea what that means to me. I haven’t been cared for like this since my mom died. Part of me wants him to go. I can’t become attached to him. Because no one stays forever and the leaving hurts too much.

“What made you angsty, Button?” I lift a shoulder in a shrug. “I’d never been kissed. Never even been asked out.” His stomach muscles tighten. “How is that possible? You’re cute as hell.”

I don’t want to be yet another person in Stella’s life who fails her.

I find myself sending him texts anyway. He doesn’t answer them. And, because I’ve apparently become a total masochist, I call him too. It goes straight to voicemail. “I guess that’s that,” I mutter, tossing my phone onto the kitchen counter. Hurt invades my chest. It’s an ugly, sticky lump that I can’t dislodge. It follows me all day.

Because when I’m low, I don’t want to be the one seeking out company. I want someone to find me, to tell me I’m wanted, needed. And when I don’t get that, I sink lower.

“Button …” His voice cracks and he swallows. “You’ve got to learn not to take me seriously. I say stupid shit all the time. I’m not the guy for you.”