Misadventures of a Curvy Girl (Misadventures Book 18)

by Sierra Simone

And if the price of freedom is being alone, then fine. I’d rather be alone than be with someone who will only love me if I’m skinny.

Sometimes it feels like there’s already one strike against me, that whatever happens, no matter what it is, a stranger will look at the situation and then at me and think, Oh, well, it’s because she’s overweight. There’s a whole host of things people assume about my intellect and moral compass because I have a bigger body than they do.

Don’t ask for more than what people want to give you, because they won’t want to give you much.

And mostly, I’m furious that I live in a world that has the power to make me feel ugly and unlovable because of my body.

People aren’t just one thing. People aren’t just confident and then that’s it, there’s nothing that can dent that confidence. People aren’t just brave and then free from fear their entire lives. We exist in tangles of virtue and weakness simultaneously—we are the best and worst of ourselves all at the same time.

But I of all people know it doesn’t matter how smart I am, or how talented. When you’re fat, all of those qualities are erased. All that exists to represent you as a three-dimensional and nuanced human is your fatness, and your fatness is translated in a kind of visual shorthand for all sorts of moral failings. Laziness. Gluttony. Uncleanliness. An unholy lack of self-control and self-discipline.

The very sight of you is almost like an affront; your existence is almost offensive.

It’s why I’ve hidden behind the camera for so long—because to be in front of the lens is to acknowledge that I exist in this body. To be smiling is to not participate in the expectation that I should be ashamed.

Body positivity is about what you do. It’s about daring to live your life as you are—not fifty pounds from now, not six dress sizes from now. And there are going to be days when every bad feeling comes back for you again. When you feel all the messy, hopeless things you thought you were past feeling. Those are the days you do it anyway.”

Not because it makes you feel good but because it helps change the world. Do you see? Even just living your life is a radical act. That is body positivity. That is what matters, not an emotion that can change at the drop of a hat.”

“You’re thinking right now that you don’t deserve it. That you don’t deserve to be chosen. And I’m not telling you to believe it or to feel like it.” I hear her stand up and walk over to me, putting a sisterly hand on my shoulder. “I’m only telling you to act like it,” she says. “Fake it ’til you make it, gorgeous. Act like you deserve to be loved, and I promise, everything else will work itself out.”