The Last

by Hanna Jameson

History is only the sum of its people and, as far as I know, we could be the last ones.

Let me guess, your description of me for this interaction will mention I’m blond, blue-eyed and hot because male writers have to do that by law. This will be followed by an acknowledgment of your irrational dislike of me, and how that makes me unattractive in your eyes, and then an attempt to dilute that reaction by universalizing it or by referencing your own bias. You think this will convey that you’re enlightened and trustworthy. In reality, it’ll betray that you’re too self-conscious of your legacy. You have “This is my moment” written all over you.’

‘Why, after all, should we expect God to punish the innocent with more life?’

‘I mean, I like hanging out with myself. But it makes your thoughts feel real big.’

I’ve seen what happens when people think they are fit to be parents and they’re not. People are so arrogant; they assume anyone is up to the job. They have kids in their twenties, or even earlier, before they know how to be an adult themselves. Anything you do not deal with through extensive introspection and therapy, you will pass on to your children. I could never assume that I was good enough to be a father. I doubt many people are.

I made a note to look it up – ‘Search Kosovo’ – and then remembered I couldn’t. I had no journals, no library, no resources. The era of instant information was over. I looked at ‘Search Kosovo’ and slowly put a line through it.

grieving for the loss of your life, the whole world.

Social media was a mess. I was shocked by the number of people who attempted to live tweet their experience of the end of the world, but there was no news about San Francisco, or even LA.

I think it was Stephen King who said that the sum of all human fear is just a door left slightly ajar.

The end of the world is a fairly comforting concept, because – in theory – we wouldn’t have to survive it. Maybe what’s been fucking us up, more than anything, hasn’t been finding a way to cope with the world ending but finding a way to cope with the fact that it didn’t.