I Hate Everyone But You

by Gaby Dunn

My mother wants to make sure you bought a winter jacket. If not, she will ship you one using Amazon Prime.

So she’s my mother?

Mostly because her parents must be mental to name her Shannon.

Wow how rude

Thank God writers are meant to be crazy!

Oh I like this girl. And her mom sounds like my mom.

13.1.

Bro its a half marathon away this is Dean’s long run. It’s not that far.

Which is a true accomplishment considering the co-creator of Friends is a professor.

WAIT SERIOUSLY?? Thats almost as cool as taking a class from Logan Reese.

There are only 3 women on staff here.

This sounds like writing club, which, as Sophia has said, gives Catallan vibes.

Not yet. Have to infiltrate from the inside first. And buy a hat. Why a hat? NEWSIES

I love this

Like when you wanted to date Joel Simpson even though he was SUPER gay.

Dont make me choke on my gatorade. Why is Gen being more of a mood now?

film school

Wait shes in USC’s film school? Impressive. And also take that back I’m more like Ava.

every awful moment becomes a great story later.

ALSO, you have the benefit of fictionalizing your life. I just report the news.

So now I have to decide if I should be a whistle-blower or not.

No trust me the school probably knows they just dont care

the theater school put on Miss Saigon with all white kids.

CHS’s next play? What a good sequel to In The Whites amiright?

you don’t need organized religion. You just need you!

Bloomsbury

She knows the publishing house of Harry Potter? That seems like a me thing to know

Some conversation topics if you run out of things to say at the pie house.

Okay this is such a Danielle thing to say

Fuller House?

Okay this is a mood bc all of my friends (including myself) were obsessed with this at some point

Sophia

I CHOKED SHE MADE A FRIEND NAMED SOPHIA IN HER INTRO TO FILM CLASS????? THIS BOOK REALLY IS ME

I can relate to bored and lonely!

Me too

I met a cute boy and we talked alone for 20 minutes but it probably meant nothing.

MOOD

Who is the boy?? How cute is he???

This is giving me mentioning the first time Antonio smiled at me and then Sophia being like “I SHIP IT”

I don’t know what to say because I don’t know if the entire thing was in my head.

Again, mood.

I end up writing this quirky account of a high school boy having his first kiss with a girl and realizing that he is actually gay. Except I never explicitly say that it’s from the point of view of a boy AND I never give him a name because it’s written in the first person.

Okay that sounds like something I would write.

I had to assure everyone I’m not gay, just an unclear writer.

Omg this is amazing.

USC

Uhh its still USC

Neil Patrick Harris,

Lol Mom LITERALLY just sent me a doogie howser gif

I just … didn’t love your reaction,

Yep and she’s annoying me

Plus. I’ve been hooking up with someone and it’s taking up a lot of my brain space.

And that “someone” is probably a girl

You thought you could follow chinatownjake98 on Instagram without me noticing?

Umm werent you the one who didnt even tell her you’re queer?

LDR.

LDR my mind just went to little dead riding hood

Do I need to immediately appear as though I have IBS?

Okay this is the most Danielle sentence

Complete avoidance

Aka me

This might have the opposite of the desired effect and cause said person to fall in love with you.

Wait hang on I dont think this has made ANYBODY fall in love with me tho

(because Emerson doesn’t offer it),

Really? A supposedly gay school that doesnt offer a psych major?

Fifth Harmony is not the greatest band of all time?

Okay now THIS is giving “Bruno Mars is the best singer ever and that will never change”

I HATE HAVING A GAY FRIEND.

She is such a mood sometimes. But for me its bc I have nobody to talk about boys with

His most recent photo is of a bong.

Awww liking problematic guys, so me!

Gatorade

Omg wait THATS why there’s gatorade in the dining halls. Lemon gatorade really IS the breakfast of champions then.

New York Pizza.

Whats the one down the shore thats practically this now? They have the statue of liberty on their sign. It legit might actually be called NY Pizza

(I want to write movies alone in my room.)

I hope one day something truly embarrassing happens to you and you are forced to understand my daily struggle.

Never blame yourself for the physical failings of a man. Their infrastructure is designed for malfunction.

I am painfully bored 1/3 of my life.

I do know that I want to have a boyfriend. I have always wanted that. Probably a bit too much, which is why none of them have wanted me.

Okay WOW CALL ME OUT THEN

male Ellen Page

I dont think this aged well

OK. I am confused. You like guys again??

Its called BISEXUALITY dummy. She’s kinda getting on my nerves with this gay obliviousness

I’m confused. But I guess I’m always confused.

Mood

Free pizza parties also included.

Again, also my parents

who can’t wear real pants

Omg wait me too leggings ftw!! I’m beginning to realize thats more common than I anticipated.

M. NIGHT SHYAMALAN

Wait random but M Knight Shamalant is shooting a movie in Burlington County and Rupert Grint is in it BUT I JUST FOUND OUT YESTERDAY THAT GROFF IS IN IT TOO