Dare to Lead

by Brené Brown

Step One: We Can’t Live into Values That We Can’t Name

This, of course, is the challenge of living into our values: those moments when our values are in conflict with the values of our organization, our friends, a stranger in line at the grocery store or polling station, or even our family.

Step Two: Taking Values from BS to Behavior

Step Three: Empathy and Self-Compassion: The Two Most Important Seats in the Arena

“This is great, but, um, how do we talk about race?” My response: “You first listen about race. You will make a lot of mistakes. It will be super uncomfortable. And there’s no way to talk about it without getting some criticism. But you can’t be silent.”

To opt out of conversations about privilege and oppression because they make you uncomfortable is the epitome of privilege.

A brave leader is someone who says I see you. I hear you. I don’t have all the answers, but I’m going to keep listening and asking questions.

the self-compassion seat is for us. It’s a reminder that if we can’t cheer ourselves on, we shouldn’t expect others to do it.

I know I’m living outside my values when I am … drum roll … this is a huge issue for me … resentful.

One of the biggest challenges we face, especially at work, is staying aligned with our values when giving and receiving feedback.

I don’t choose comfort over being respectful and honest—choosing politeness over respect is not respectful.

Mastery requires feedback.

It’s much easier to deal with conflicts when you are able to engage your team in a values conversation.

“I don’t think you can ever know for certain. But I do know that my life is better when I work from the assumption that everyone is doing the best they can.”

Assuming positive intent does not mean that we stop helping people set goals or that we stop expecting people to grow and change. It’s a commitment to stop respecting and evaluating people based solely on what we think they should accomplish, and start respecting them for who they are and holding them accountable for what they’re actually doing.

Feltman defines trust as “choosing to risk making something you value vulnerable to another person’s actions.”1 He describes distrust as deciding that “what is important to me is not safe with this person in this situation (or any situation).”2

“trust between managers and employees is the primary defining characteristic of the very best workplaces,”

Reliability: You do what you say you’ll do.

Accountability: You own your mistakes, apologize, and make amends.

Integrity: You choose courage over comfort. You choose what is right over what is fun, fast, or easy. And you choose to practice your values rather than simply professing them.

what do your team members do that earns your trust? The most common answer: asking for help.

We are emotional beings, and when something hard happens to us, emotion drives.

The reckoning is as simple as that: knowing that we’re emotionally hooked and then getting curious about it.

We call emotions feelings because we feel them in our bodies—we have a physiological response to emotions.

It’s much easier to say “I don’t give a damn” than it is to say “I’m hurt.”

I define calm as creating perspective and mindfulness while managing emotional reactivity.

In the absence of data, we will always make up stories.

The part of the brain that goes into protection mode likes binaries: Good guy or bad guy? Dangerous or safe? Ally or enemy?

stories based on limited real data and plentiful imagined data, blended into a coherent, emotionally satisfying version of reality, are called conspiracy theories.

“Hey. Tough meeting today. You were quiet, and I’m making up that you were pissed about your team having to do all of the work for the next sprint. Can we talk about that?”