The Power of Moments: Why Certain Moments Have Extraordinary Impact

by Chip Heath

For the sake of this book, a defining moment is a short experience that is both memorable and meaningful.

ELEVATION: Defining moments rise above the everyday. They provoke not just transient happiness, like laughing at a friend’s joke, but memorable delight.

INSIGHT: Defining moments rewire our understanding of ourselves or the world.

PRIDE: Defining moments capture us at our best—moments of achievement, moments of courage.

And then when you finally pay off your mortgage completely, wouldn’t it be striking if someone from the bank personally delivered the deed to your home (now yours) and shook your hand?

This same “pause” could also be offered to new parents—“We thought you might have some new things to buy around the house, so we thought you might appreciate a few months’ ‘mortgage holiday’!” (2) Assistance handling parents’ affairs following death or disability. So many people struggle in this situation—trying to untangle bills and assets and debts—and banks are in a unique position to offer counsel and support.

“We feel most comfortable when things are certain, but we feel most alive when they’re not.”

Moments of elevation are experiences that rise above the routine. They make us feel engaged, joyful, amazed, motivated.

Here’s our three-part recipe to create more moments of elevation: (1) Boost the sensory appeal; (2) Raise the stakes; (3) Break the script. Usually elevated moments have 2 or 3 of those traits.

Beware the soul-sucking force of reasonableness: “Couldn’t we just put the Popsicles in a cooler by the ice machine?”

As Mark Twain said, “Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear—not absence of fear.”

Responsiveness encompasses three things: Understanding: My partner knows how I see myself and what is important to me. Validation: My partner respects who I am and what I want. Caring: My partner takes active and supportive steps in helping me meet my needs.

What does nonresponsiveness look like? You walk in the door, distraught, and your partner doesn’t even notice (anti-understanding). When you describe a new interest or passion, your partner seems uninterested or dismissive (anti-validation). In a situation where a hug or a soothing comment would go a long way, you get a blank face (anti-caring). Nonresponsiveness is corrosive. It deprives us of our individuality; we’re not seen or treated as special.I

“Tell me about your child’s experiences in school. Tell me about yours.” (Understanding) “Tell me your hopes and dreams for your child’s future.” (Validation) “What do you want your child to be someday?” (Validation) “What do I need to do to help your child learn more effectively?” (Caring)

Generic documents are depersonalizing.

Relationships don’t deepen naturally. In the absence of action, they will stall.

Groups bond when they struggle together. People will welcome a struggle when it’s their choice to participate, when they’re given autonomy to work, and when the mission is meaningful.

strong purpose trumps strong passion.