The Last Black Unicorn

by Tiffany Haddish

Ladies, a quick word of advice: that shit is a felony. I did not know it at the time, but someone locking you away without your consent is straight-up kidnapping. A felony. I should have just called the police, but I didn’t know that.

Dom Irrera

Tom Green

Jo Koy

Adam Ray

So this was the biggest commitment that I’d ever made in my life, and I didn’t want to be a quitter, I wanted to find a way to make it work. I didn’t want to seem like I just gave up.

Then I got a movie with Mike Epps,

If you don’t know, Barefoot is that wine they sell in the grocery store real cheap. You can laugh at me.

me too. laugh away. bring on the jokes, snobs.

nutria,

NDA,

nondisclosure agreement?

Tophatter,

Their racism, is not even like racism. It’s like sexism. You’re fucking a richer guy or a hotter guy, so now I’m going to destroy you.”

See, boil it all down, Tiffany, it comes down to money and status. It ain’t even about race.”

“Knots Landing

Get down and dirty, but do it classy.

So now I watch soap operas for ideas on how to handle backstabbing bitches.

Hannibal Buress

Lil’ Rel.

Queen Latifah: “You never invite nobody to your house, unless they got something to lose.”

Larenz Tate

Judge Ratchet,

The Arsenio Hall Show.

But that’s not going to happen. I’m a survivor, and all this struggle I went through—while it sucked at the time—is really helping me now. It has helped me get to where I am, and it will help me continue to improve and do better.

Everyone has their own personal pain and their own demons, and no one will talk about it, and that’s why they never get better.