The Last Black Unicorn

by Tiffany Haddish

Hurting myself made them stop hurting me and care about me.

Social Worker: “Tiffany, you got two choices this summer coming up. You can go to the Laugh Factory Comedy Camp, or you can go to psychiatric therapy. Which one do you want to do, ’cause something is wrong with you.” Tiffany: “Which one got drugs?” Social Worker: “Therapy.” I didn’t want no drugs, I had seen how those fuck people up. So I went to the comedy camp.

But I can’t even get mad at the dudes who are jealous and possessive. You know why? I’m picking them.