The New Me

by Halle Butler

But I don’t need to feel this way. I want to be happy, and I want to nurture my friendships, and I want to be happy to see Sarah, so that’s what I’m going to do. I’m happy!

I feel awful. I know that drinking causes a kind of chemical depression in me, especially when I do it alone. I get into bed with the lights on and squeeze my pillow in my arms, longing for someone to talk to, or longing for no one to ever look at me or talk to me ever again. Either one. I don’t care.