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December 25 - December 27, 2023
Boudicca’s army fought back with the weapon they knew best. Spikes. And lost. Because spikes.
Once Boudicca was crushed, the Romans ruled over Britain for years, until suddenly they had to rush home because they remembered they’d left a complete collapse of civilisation on.
to the Romans we have to say a great big Latin thank you: THANKVS YOV.
cats have a way of reading your magazine by sitting on it and absorbing the best bits through their arsehole.
the three of them capered around the world, hilariously crashing cars and ruining caravans and damaging the environment and slagging off foreigners and using all sorts of language and causing near-diplomatic incidents with the Argentinians, the Germans, the Mexicans, the homosexuals and the Romanians.
Hold onto your hats, especially if you’re a microscopic wizard.
Trump, Donald See Lies.
Aristotle said, ‘To say of what is that it is not, or of what is not that it is, is false. While to say of what is that it is, and of what is not that it is not, is true.’ To this day, nobody knows what he was drinking.
The love of shit gave rise to a new class of people: the nan.
a load of Hagrids on a stag weekend.
Britain’s coast was packed with monasteries full of gold and valuables that the British were protecting using unarmed men with Prince William haircuts who spent all day copying out the Bible.
The Vikings settled in York, attracted by the easy transport connections and the Jorvik Viking Centre.
Richard III tried to escape by burrowing under a car park. He hid there for centuries, but eventually we found him. Alas, it was too late, and he’d died of tarmac inhalation.
‘Weather’ is the word we have for what sort of mood the sky is in.
The government has a special department of sky-boffins called The Met Office.
they get it right about half the time.
Strained glass windows were widescreen and full colour, and they must have blown everyone’s mind, because everything else in the world was shit-coloured.
windows could be used to make greenhouses, and deal with the terrible problem of tomato homelessness.
toast.
