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There’s a lot of plaid flannel going on over that side of the lounge, I’m just saying.
He sounds like he walked right out of a Assholes Anonymous meeting.
I mean, you get to name bugs. You get to argue about whether or not they actually qualify as bugs, and then you get to name them things like Erikisa Dumbassus, and then send pics of them to your stupid ex. I mean, you could. If you wanted to.
“Well, it’s not like I have a lot of options,” he snaps, and I just grin at him because he doesn’t, and he knows it, and I’m going to get good coffee. Excellent.
I wonder how I look to him. Small and pale, and woefully lacking in hair. I probably look like a naked sphynx cat, pink and wrinkly and gross.
It’s hilarious. It’s just so perfect. “Do you think,” I ask, once I’ve got myself under control, “this is his version of flowers and chocolate?”
Karl pats me in a needlessly condescending sort of way. “Well, it means that if I didn’t know better, I’d say you have menstrual cramps.” I stare at him. Then I laugh. And then I groan because it hurts. “I don’t have menstrual cramps.”
But then I remember the story of the Australian jewel beetle. The jewel beetles are native to Old Earth. They’re brown and they’re shiny, and the males find brown shininess sexy in females, so when looking for female jewel beetles to mate with they select for brown shininess. Of course, back in the late-20th-early-21st century, another thing that was brown and shiny were shiny brown beer bottles. They’d get discarded in the wilderness by unscrupulous picnickers and teenage drinkers, and then you’d find them literally covered in male jewel beetles, desperately trying to mate with the brown
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“You are beautiful to me, and I want nothing more than to mate with you, and keep you always safe and happy and well. I will watch over you, until your time comes and you are Changed. And then, if you will allow it, I will watch over you until we are made smoke, and join the ancestors in the sky.”
“Wow, do you think it works?” Mike makes a sound like a boiling camp kettle.
It was amaz
Broken word/sentence.
Sex with an alien and now a surprise womb. Omega IV is shaping up to be officially the weirdest planet I’ve ever met.
Daniel comes in without asking and plants himself in the middle of the room. He’s so youthfully handsome and normally has the authoritative presence of a friendly duck, but now he stares me down and I remember that time in grad school when the ducks nested in the hedgerow outside the Entomology building and savagely attacked anyone who might have been peacefully trying to eat their lunch on the lawns.
Yeah, that would probably be a lot easier. And a lot more fun. Except, you know, that would be unprofessional. And maybe a bit weird.
Except. I don’t really care. I mean, I care because he’s a good kid, but six months ago? I’d probably have drooled all over him. Now, though… Well, now there’s a big violet alien in the jungle with my name on him. And I’d better not keep him waiting.
I don’t know if it’s because I don’t like him or Tal’jen’s own reasons, but watching him make Leo fidget and back off is very satisfying to the shitty little lizard part of my brain.
he can retract his claws completely, apparently, thank fuck—stroking
“Please don’t ever say the C and the M words to me ever again,” I say, “I am far too gay to be able to cope with those words in association with my ass.”
meet for you.
Meant?
Not all aliens have to be titty aliens, after all. It’s just confusing because they’re humanoid, and my brain has been trained to think of ‘women’ as meaning ‘boobs’.
“You…they made you sit in the kiddy pool…oh my God!”
“Okay. So they think you’re ‘fertile’ and Leo’s ‘virile’. What the hell does that make me?” “Pre-pubescent,” I tell him, and the look on his face is too hilarious for words.
“You don’t know that! I always catch whatever’s going around, I’m very susceptible to things. So if ‘wombs’ are going around I’m probably going to catch one!”
Which, to be honest, is a new and weirdly exciting development.
feel
Feels
Just the thought of them makes me feel a little sick, and I wonder if I’m imprinted on him.
This is our room. I have officially moved in with my alien boyfriend. Okay. I can take this. It’s not too fast, it’s fine.
Well, it’s a little fast. But then I wonder if it really is—we did just give out a sex show to like half his village. I think that’s probably a high level of commitment to a relationship.
Unless Karl was right, and this is what happens when a bunch of people who have no idea what’s going on go through their Change. It’s the worst puberty ever.
training
Trailing
