The Defining Decade: Why Your Twenties Matter—And How to Make the Most of Them Now

by Meg Jay

“The unlived life is not worth examining.”

Uncertainty makes people anxious, and distraction is the twenty-first-century opiate of the masses.

We think that by avoiding decisions now, we keep all of our options open for later—but not making choices is a choice all the same.

We are born not all at once, but by bits. —Mary Antin, writer

Identity capital is our collection of personal assets. It is the repertoire of individual resources that we assemble over time. These are the investments we make in ourselves, the things we do well enough, or long enough, that they become a part of who we are.

The one thing I have learned is that you can’t think your way through life. The only way to figure out what to do is to do—something.

“He that hath once done you a kindness will be more ready to do you another than he whom you yourself have obliged.”

Sometimes I think I should just go to graduate school because it would sound better and I could get A’s again. I don’t know how to get an A in my twenties. I feel like I am failing for the first time.” “What would an A in your twenties even mean?”

Goals direct us from the inside, but shoulds are paralyzing judgments from the outside. Goals feel like authentic dreams while shoulds feel like oppressive obligations. Shoulds set up a false dichotomy between either meeting an ideal or being a failure, between perfection or settling. The tyranny of the should even pits us against our own best interests.

As a twentysomething, life is still more about potential than proof. Those who can tell a good story about who they are and what they want leap over those who can’t.