Maybe You Should Talk to Someone: A Therapist, Her Therapist, and Our Lives Revealed

by Lori Gottlieb

“Your feelings don’t have to mesh with what you think they should be,” he explained. “They’ll be there regardless, so you might as well welcome them because they hold important clues.” How many times had I said something similar to my own patients? But here I feel as if I’m hearing this for the first time. Don’t judge your feelings; notice them. Use them as your map. Don’t be afraid of the truth.

We tend to place value judgments on our feelings—certain feelings are often considered “positive” (like, joy), and others are considered to be “negative” (like, anger). But our feelings are important because they give us crucial information about what we want. They’re like our GPS. “Oh, I’m sad—let me figure out what’s not working about my current situation, so I know a better direction to go in.” We tend to try to avoid the “negative” feelings, not realizing that the way to feel better is to welcome all of our feelings and use them as data to guide us.