Maybe You Should Talk to Someone: A Therapist, Her Therapist, and Our Lives Revealed

by Lori Gottlieb

We can’t have change without loss,

freedom involves responsibility, and there’s a part of most of us that finds responsibility frightening.

Sometimes people needed to accept themselves and others the way they were.

“I’m also going to miss myself. All those insecurities I’d spent my life wanting to change? I was just getting to a place where I really like myself. I like me. I’m going to miss Matt, and my family, and my friends, but I’m also going to miss me.”

“the bearing of provocation, annoyance, misfortune, or pain without complaint, loss of temper, irritation, or the like.” Of course, much of life is made up of provocation, annoyance, misfortune, and pain;

People wanted a speedy solution to their problems, but what if their moods had been driven down in the first place by the hurried pace of their lives?

“Why are we essentially outsourcing the thing that defines us as people?”

The four ultimate concerns are death, isolation, freedom, and meaninglessness.

I think about how it’s the not knowing that torments all of us.

(TTM) based on research showing that people generally don’t “just do it,” as Nike (or a new year’s resolution) might have it, but instead tend to move through a series of sequential stages that look like this: Stage 1: Pre-contemplation Stage 2: Contemplation Stage 3: Preparation Stage 4: Action Stage 5: Maintenance

Infant (hope)—trust versus mistrust Toddler (will)—autonomy versus shame Preschooler (purpose)—initiative versus guilt School-age child (competence)—industry versus inferiority Adolescent (fidelity)—identity versus role confusion Young adult (love)—intimacy versus isolation Middle-aged adult (care)—generativity versus stagnation Older adult (wisdom)—integrity versus despair

we are asking forgiveness of others to avoid the harder work of forgiving ourselves.

The inability to say no is largely about approval-seeking—people imagine that if they say no, they won’t be loved by others. The inability to say yes, however—to intimacy, a job opportunity, an alcohol program—is more about lack of trust in oneself.