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All those little telltales are there, but I need none of them because, somehow, her feelings radiate off her body and seep into mine. It’s always been that way for me and my secret friend. My secret everything.
I couldn’t turn her away if I tried. And, as much as I wanna hate her, be cold toward her, I can’t. Won’t. Because, at the end of the day, no matter where life takes us, something pushes us right back here, with her standing right in front of me.
“Welcome to California, Kens.”
OH I KNEW ITS KENRA
She has a power over me no one ever has. One I’m betting no one ever will.
“I miss you, Parker.” “Do you?” “Yes,” she admits quietly. “Just not enough?”
Kenra Monroe is in California. In my house. But not as mine, not that she’d ever be. That has been clear since day one.
“There’s a Monroe in my bed, and it’s not the one I’m fuckin’.”
Now, if it came down to me and Nate, my ass would be grass, and I’m okay with that.
“You can’t have her here … but you don’t want her to go.” I tilt my head, nodding.
You’re not the most perceptive person, but you did pick up on that,” I tease. She throws a chip at me, making me laugh. “What?” I grin harder. “It’s true. Everyone could see Nate had it bad for you for weeks before you two made it happen. Everyone but you.”
I fell for the blond-haired, blue-eyed boy next door that night, but I was too stupid to know it.
“Get over it. She got dicked, dick delivered its dick spit, and now, little dicky deserves dinner.”
“Look, you have a brother close by who misses you, and his girl is inside this house right now, driving herself crazy because she knows the hurt it’ll cause him when he finds out. Hurt that she’ll then feel because she loves him.”
“You’re not mine, Kens,” I gently tell her, pain I didn’t mean to show clear as day. “And that’s a problem for me.”
“Parker Baylor”—Lolli gives a small, proud smile, pulling her blanket to her chin as I stand—“always the hero.”
She belongs under the sun with flip-flops and a smile. She belongs here. With me.
My cousin, Arianna, runs up to me first, squeezing me tight around the neck. “I missed you!”
ARIANNAAAA
I glance at Nate, finding him and Lolli in their own world. He’s maneuvered himself, so he’s behind her, and she sits between his legs. One of his arms is on the outside of hers, caging her into him, as he eats around her with the other. Every few seconds, he runs his hand down her arm, brushes her fingers, whispers in her ear, something. Every single time, she smiles even though he can’t see it. But he knows because, after she does, he smirks to himself. They are completely and utterly entwined.
She smiles wide, and I inhale deeply, smiling back. She’s infectious. Everything about her screams to everything in me.
“I know you’re afraid, and that’s okay. You had a bad experience last time, and it left a little scar. You said you could never do it again. Well, I wanna show you that, yes, you can. We’re gonna take the bad and replace it. I wanna erase the bad with a good.”
“Hey.” I turn to her, running my knuckles over her cheek, and she brings her wide eyes to mine. “I’ve got you. Trust me.”
She is, without a doubt, everything I could ever want.
“You wanna take away the bad?” “Yeah, Kens,” I admit, my voice quieter than intended. “All of it. Any of it. Always.”
Well, I wanna wait for you to need me like I do you. Because I want to. Because you’re worth it.”
“I’ll want you regardless,” I answer honestly, instantly, and she stares with parted lips. “Always, Kenra. No matter what.”
“That’s quite a promise there, Safety,” she whispers, her hand on the rock, shifting to touch mine. “It’s a solid fact, Nightingale.”
“Number one running back in all college football, eligible for the draft next season.” Lolli smiles wide. “Wait … Noah?”
NOAHHHHHH
“Kalani whooped that ass.” “Lolli,” Nate corrects on a growl.
Kalani is Lolli’s real name, but only Nate and her aunt call her that; it’s their thing.
And you’re talkin’ bout Noah Riley, aren’t you,
“He’s not just good. He’s damn good.” Lolli brings her eyes back to mine. “I want him. Bad.” “Dude!” Mason cries right as Nate snaps, “Baby!”
“We all have hard days, Kens. We all have weak moments, but you have to find your strength and reach for it.”
“You need someone who will be there for you, Kens,” I quietly tell her, staring at the ceiling. “You need someone to take care of you, not hurt you like this all the time.” “And what do you need, Parker?” she whispers as she slips into slumber. You.
And I can’t accept that, her unhappy and feeling like she is missing out on something, so I’m bringing formal to her.
She went with him.
girl why
I should tell them this isn’t the place, that the setup inside the house, the lights and food and music, is all for a girl who never showed.
“I don’t know everything,” Lolli admits. “But I know enough to be concerned. You trip him up. Bad. Your relationship isn’t mine to understand; only the two of you know what this thing between you really feels like, but you have to know you’ll knock him on his ass this time around. And if you do, be prepared for someone else to step in and catch him as he falls.”
“Why do you stay?” Parker whispers into the darkness, and I lower myself to sit on the log beside him. “I’ve racked my brain a thousand times, trying to understand it, trying to see through your eyes, and I can’t.
I wish I could. I want to tell him every last thing there is to tell. Hear him say that none of it matters, that we’re worth more than the aftermath that would follow should he and I get together. But the risk is too high and the reasons too many.
TELL HIM. I WANT TO KNOW IT TOO
“You’re so damn beautiful, Kenra.”
“Baby,” he speaks against her lips, “love you, like Parker enough. I’d hate to have to kick his ass … so get yours off him.”
“Stop … trying.” Her voice cracks. “Stop looking at me like I’m everything.” “I can’t, Kens.” I reach out, grabbing ahold of her closed fists. She tenses and tries to pull away, but my grip is firm. Gentle but firm. “Won’t ever.”
“Always got my back, don’t you?” “I’ve got your all, Hero. Always. What hurts you hurts me.”
“How can you be so sure, Lolli Bear?” I whisper, swallowing past the lump threatening to clog my throat. “Because I see you in her eyes, just like you saw Nate in mine.”
“Make her see, Hero.”
Well, I’m done standing here, watching her crumble. She falls; I fall. Might as well fall into each other.
“Come to me, Kens,” I whisper,
Defense. That’s what Lolli called it. But that’s the problem, isn’t it? Because, when it comes to Kenra Monroe, I’ve always been defenseless.
I could never be with Mia when my feelings for Lolli are still sometimes confusing.
WAIT SO HE MAYBE REALLY HAD FEELINGS FOR LOLLI???
My heart starts beating out of control as she steps closer to me. “Why are you here, Kens?” “To dance,” she whispers, bringing our hands to cover her heart. “You came here to dance?” “I came here to dance with you.”
